Theology or Not?

I was having a conversation with one of our leadership residents a couple of days ago and I said something that shocked her. She has just graduated from Seminary and I said something that is potentially heretical according to seminary.

"I truly believe that my theology and my relationship with God needs to be separated."

She looked like I just took my pocket knife and started cutting my own arm off.

I continued the conversation and stated that if my study of God is the overarching reality in my collision with God then I don't really have a relationship with God.

My relationship with God should spur my study of God. This can also go the other way. My study of God can enhance my relationship with God but I do believe that they are very different realities.

Today is one of those days when I want to go home. Not my home in Naperville but home.

It is one of those days that the pain of the world and the overbearing reality that sin is a pollutant in the air that I breathe is to much.

I want to go home and have the opportunity to fall on my knees, and try to tell Jesus that I will never be good enough.

That I will never be smart enough, funny enough or pretty enough.

I want to go home and be held by the King.

I want Him to say my name in a way that makes the blood in my viens rush.

I want to go home and feel the answers to the whys.

I want to go home and feel what home truly feels like.

I'ts one of those days...

I don't want mud on my wedding dress.

"Why does love do this sort of thing? Why does it ruin stuff?" Friend.

For the first time in the last three years I realized there is a really big difference between God's love and the World's love.

"Well, love isn't supposed to hurt people. God's love isn't anyway. God's love doesn't destroy relationships and put people in danger. What we are seeing isn't God's love. I don't really know what to call it. I would have to make up a word for it.....

I guess I would call it worldly love." Me

"It's just sad" Friend.

"I know." Me

I went to Bible college and in the first two weeks I had people tell me openly that the only reason that they were attending was to find a husband or a wife.

There is actually a saying that is tossed around; "Ring by Spring and your tuition's free."

The percentage of couples that get married and divorced in the secular world is the same as it is in the Bible College world. Interesting.

I used to pick up books like :I kissed Dating Goodbye" and "And, The Bride Wore White" and I observed if what these intelligent authors were writing was crucial and being taken seriously in the Christian circles.

I stopped picking those books up.

I listened to couple after couple come into our school and talk about marriage and how it should work.

I only have seen two or three couples in my own life who haven't missed the point and who live it out.

I once heard a metaphor that was stated to the girls on my floor.

"If you are running towards God and you look next to you and there is a man running at the same speed running towards God than it's right and good."

I would disagree, I would say that if you are running towards God and you collide with someone and God all at the same time than it's 'right' and 'good'.

I have started telling people that I have stopped dating and my friend keeps telling me;

"You'll want to start again when you want to get married"

But why get married when all I have seen in my life is destructive relationships?

Why invest my life into something that is so fickle?

Because the way I have always seen it is through the world's love. Most of my friends that I have seen in crappy relationships have been in worldly relationships.

I'm holding out though. I don't want to waste my time or my life on something that is temporary.

God created marriage. I'm not going to let the world pervert it. I refuse to allow the world's love to destroy any more of my friends lives.

I was once in the local magazine for declaring that I was going to be pure until my wedding night. I realize that it's not even about the physical anymore. Purity is an all encompassing thing. It is about the mind and the heart, not just about the body.

I don't want mud on my wedding dress or my wedded life.

This One Need....

Trying to figure out the need of people combined with good stewardship and trust in God's providence.

Are we supposed to give everything and trust God enough to provide for us?

When is there ever a point in our lives where instead of giving people our own clothes we buy them brand new clothes?

What is the balance between good stewardship and unconditional giving?

Side walk scolder.

So, I was driving home from the bank the other day and I was on Hobson heading towards Washington St.


I was in a line with a couple of other cars that were turning right and we had a green light. There were two side-walkers to my right. They were the classic suburban moms. Both wearing matching sweat suits and walking with their arms swinging violently. These side walkers saw the walk sign and decided to walk even though we had a green light and were trying to turn right.

The car in front of me actually got the brunt of it. While the second women was walking across the street she was waving her arms wildly towards the walk sign and yelling loudly at the car trying to turn. She did this the whole way while crossing the street. I bet you the driver in that car was learning a profound lesson. It was the same lesson I was learning...

People are crazy.

Not only did I learn that lesson but I learned a different one. The reality that none of us really follow the same rules.

Christians seem to forget this and play the crazy side walk scolder. They look at the world through a fundamental moral reality and they forget that other people are following other rules. These other people are usually following the actual rules of the world. These other people are being told to go, even if they are going to hurt themselves or other people, but these rules are the only ones that seem real to them.

The problem is that Christians don't seem to get it. They don't seem to understand that other people are real and that they come from different backgrounds with a different set of rules. So in the end we become the crazy side walk scolder who, along with our other Christian friends, wear the same outfit, and say the same thing but when it comes down to it, we become fanatical and exclusive. We scream and yell and kick just to get our way in this world because we forget that Jesus didn't call us to live in a "Jesus saves" bumper sticker, ABreadCrumb and Fish t-shirt wearing, plastered smile, lifestyle.

Jesus doesn't want you to yell and scream at other people and then throw your arms up pointing them to Him.

We need to stop being side walk scolders. We need to start realizing that we aren't that special, but we are called to preach the good news.

How can it be good news if we are making people feel so bad about it?

Swimming

My family and I went swimming this last weekend. It was fun reminiscing with my brother about all the times that we enjoyed the pool when we were younger and how it has changed.

change

So I’m just going to be honest because that is what I’m known for. I am nineteen years old and I am a Sophomore in College. I started this writing this project when I was a freshmen in college and I am sure that I won’t finish it until I am out of college and well on my way to becoming whatever God wants me to be. I am naive and I am ignorant and these writings are things that I have seen and experienced in the church. I have no right to be a writer and I have no right to say the things that I do. I am only nineteen and these days nineteen year olds don’t know what they want to do with their lives. In our culture nineteen year olds aren’t really responsible for anything they do. They shouldn’t have to go to work, they shouldn’t have to have any large responsibilities and they shouldn’t have to figure out what is really going on in the world. Well I have a reputation of going against the grain on purpose. I’m the kid who always takes her classes out of order and parked in the teacher’s parking lot. I have never really followed the rules. I figured I would go with the Roman’s mentality. Adopt and Adapt. I’m nineteen years old and I don’t want to be a feather in the wind. I want to do something great. I want to be a legend. I have no time to waste because I could be gone tomorrow.

I am to young to have experienced a lot but I do know one thing for sure. God has a sense of rooting for the underdog. He had a tendency to put people that know one believed in, into leadership and he gave them something to say. I pray that you know the reason I write is solely because I want to share my observations of the church. I pray that you know that all I want to do is share the Gospel. I don’t want to sell the Gospel and I don’t want to defend it. That is not in my job description. All I want to do is share it. The reason is because It was shared with me and it changed my life. Plus sharing seems like a better idea. When you share you allow the other person to partake in something that you thoroughly enjoy.

A story that comes to mind is when my parents first met in college. They were both taking a music theory class at Eastern Illinois University and my mom had brought a bag of Oreo’s. My dad loved Oreo’s and to this day will eat the whole package in one sitting if he’s allowed. My dad mentioned to my mom in class that he loved Oreo’s and so she decided to share with him. That simple act eventually led to my birth. Which I view as highly important.

I have a two year old niece who we are trying to teach to share. It is a household rule in America. You learn how to share in kindergarten. It is something that is essential to growing up. It is essential to community. Something that I have learned in my short life is that I would rather someone share with me that sell me something or force something down my throat. I don’t want you to force food on my if I walk in your house but you can share you dinner with me. I don’t want you to sell me your coffee but if you make some I will probably partake in it. I don’t want you to sell me the Gospel or force it down my throat, but if you live it around me and offer to share it with me I might give it a chance.

Finding Your Desert.

Last night my small group met and we discussed what the desert scene in the Gospels looked like. We are investing our time in the book of Mark chapter 1:1-13, and we discussed and noticed the following.

• The desert is crucial to Jesus' spiritual journey and is represented throughout the rest Mark.
• Jesus' baptism and his being thrown in the desert mirrors the Hebrews when they were delivered from Egypt through the Red Sea and then sent into the desert for forty years.
• Mark is the only gospel that discusses John the Baptist's clothing and what he ate.
• Jesus was tempted directly by Satan in the desert.

The question that we where trying to answer was; What does the desert represent and how does it fit into our lives as Christ followers.

Our conclusion was that the desert was crucial to Jesus' intimate relationship with God. Jesus was connecting with God while he fasted. We also see that Jesus was tempted directly by Satan and equated this with two things.

1. Jesus was purely human and was tempted just like us.
2. While Jesus is trying to connect with God in an intimate way Satan is directly attacking him.

This reality that Jesus sought out in the desert is crucially important to our realities. This holy intimacy marks Christ's strong connection to God the Father. This desert scene needs to be sought out in our lives as well.

The reason I say this is because we can not truly know Jesus unless we know his Word. I know it sounds simple and even slightly dull, but it is the truth. Jesus' life is found in His message to us. His story is important and needs to become apart of us so that we can live it out more fully. If we are not seeking out desert time to become intimately connected in His Word and in conversation with Him how are we going to imitate Him?

If we don't invest in his life on a daily basis imitating him is impossible. Community Christian Church is doing a series called Eat This Book. This last week the message was about fresh is the best. The idea that the Bible is supposed to be fresh to us and become a part of us not only individually but in community as well.

Our relationship with Christ is personal but it's not private and we are called to be apart of God's great story in community. We are in need of scripture, for when we are apart of it, it will become who we are and will become apart of us.

Have you found your desert yet?

The Preachers are coming!

At LCC the title of this blog is a saying that is known well. It is a saying that was part of the foundation of why the school wanted to exist.

I was at a young adult barbeque two weeks ago. In July I will offocially be old enough to actually attend the young adult barbeques...haha.

Anyway I was there and one of the young ladies that attended as well asked me what I went to school for. I told her and then she came and sat next to me.

"Well, who do you preach for?"-young lady attendee.

"I preach for everyone."-me

"I mean, do you preach for young people, men, women, children, old people?"-young lady attendee.

"I preach for everyone, I preach for anyone who will listen."me, thinking the first answer made this clear but just in case she didn't get it I emphasized what I said with a certian preacheresque voice.

"Well what do you want to do when you graduate?"-young lady attendee.

"I want to go and preach to everyone who will listen to the gospel. I want to tell people about Jesus' love for us and his sacrafice"

She then leaned over slightly and looked at me straight in the face. In a low voice she said this,
"I'm a preacher to..."

The preachers are coming, they just look a little different.

Previous Statements.

These are some of the previous statements that people have told me in the last three-four years my life.


"You are going to do great things"


"You could be the next great thinker of our time"


"You are gifted"


"You are great at making people and events successful."


"When you talk people, just seem to listen"


While these are great statements and I am encouraged by them I need to let the world know one thing.


I am a child of God.


Most people would of course say, "Well yea, Alison, everyone is a child of God"


But I need to make this clear so that I know it and so everyone else knows. I am a child of God first. My identity is hidden in Christ and in His story. Everything that you see in me is Him. Everything good that comes from me is from Him.

While it would be great to do great things in the future all I am trying to do is figure out how to live a life hidden in Christ. I'm trying to figure out how to love unconditionally. I'm trying to figure out how to serve unconditionally. I am trying to figure out how to just be in the presence of God without actually trying.

These things are what are important to me. These things make my life what it is.

I had a conversation with a parent of a student that I mentor last weekend. She was asking me what I wanted to do after I graduated college. I knew this parent would expect some long planned out list of where I am going to go and what I am going to do, but I didn't have that.

I don't know where I will be in two years. I don't know where I will be in ten years. I don't know where I will be next week.

For a long time I had dreams to do things in student ministry, to preach at big conferences, and to impact the world hugely for Christ.

I still want to impact the world hugely for Christ but I want to do it behind Him and with Him. I told this parent that I am going to follow Christ and wherever I end up that's where I will end up as long as I have Christ by my side, in front of me, behind me, above me, and below me.

The parent walked away shocked. I could see on her face that she thought I was nuts. Actually my first response was humor. I cracked up. When the humor faded I realized that it is crazy to think that I am planning my whole future on something that many people call foolish.

Call me crazy then.

God does crazy things.

So I know that I have always believed that God is providential but I have never truly experienced it until these last two weeks.

Last week I met a girl named JJ who wanted to get connected into my small group. Knowing her life situation I knew that it would be hard to plug her into a group that is already connected.

Last week I saw an old friend from high school named Ally. She hung around the cafe and asked me if I was starting a small group.

Last week JJ and Ally saw each other in the office and freaked. Apparently they went to college together and were close then. They rekindled there friendship and are excited to be in the same small group living life together.

Kelly knows Ally because she is close friends with her sister.

This week I talked to Bill and he wanted to get another person connected into my small group. I met her today and my best friend, Kelly, who is also co-leading this small group is going to be in her sister in laws wedding in three weeks. She is connected relationally to Kelly and Joy.

Kelly is connected to me, Joy, Jessica, Ally, and Brittny.

I am connected to Ally, Jessica, Joy, JJ, Kelly, and Brittny.

JJ is connected to me and Ally and soon Kelly.

Ally is connected to JJ, Kelly, and me.

Joy is connected to me, Kelly, and Jessica.

Jessica is connected to Kelly and Joy.

Brittny is connected to Me and Kelly.

Every single person in my small group has deep relational mileage to one or more people. God has put us in one place for three months.

I am a victim of providence.

Good bye.

I am disappointed in the lack of creativity in other people. I have recently picked up the habit of going to www.blogger.com and watching the blogs come up that have just been updated.

The key is to pick a blog that looks interesting and hope that you will stumble on to some sort of creative genius. However, my plan has sorely failed seeing that no one tends to truly be creative any more.

I guess it is all about writing about reality. In all honesty most people are boring, and even the most eccentric people in the world are bored.

Alas, creative writing has come to the peak of it's existence. I just mourn for the future generations, for they will be without the great ideals of writing.

But, if the world is going down like it has been writing probably won't even be needed except to read the illusion that appears on our fore arms.

Side effects

Every time I watch a commercial on television that is referring to some sort of medicine it always seem to list the side effects at the very bottom in small print or they say them really, really fast at the end of the two minute blurb.

I have a problem with side effects because I am the kind of person that usually gets them. The whole list of; nausea, headaches, congestion, and loss of short term memory seem to get me every time.

I notice the same thing about our modern day cures for sin. We(as a culture and a church at times) label sin sometimes as temporary virus. We them prescribe this virus with a multitude of things: go to the doctor, start working our, go to a therapist, read your Bible every day, go do this, go do that, go, go, go....

These suggestions are not bad things at all, in fact, they can be a tremendous help to our health, spiritually, emotionally, and physically, but if we are depending on these things to pull us through our sin we are mistaken.

And suddenly we find ourselves with a whole mess of sinful side effects. The sin seems to not only be our first disease but also tends to be our side effects as well. These side effects seep into our relationships, our friendships, or mentality towards work, our emotional balance, and our own view of who we are and who created us. The spiritual immune system is being completely ripped apart because we are chasing after the right medication, or the right therapy for our sinful desires.

We tend to forget to simply repent.

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just, and will forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness" 1 John 1:9

When we go to our great physician and repent he forgives us and we become healthy again. We may not feel healthy but God is building our immune system up and we, if we continue to walk with Him and repent when we sin, will become strong and healthy.

We will be able to eat solid food and run with Him. The side effects of our sin will not seep into our lives any longer.