New Book Idea

So I have been thinking about this new book idea. I know I have to finish my first two before I get on to a third. But here me out. Tell me what you think.

At graduation every Christian graduate gets a book about going to college, and what it takes to stay a Christian in College. I actually got a book that was titled "How to stay a Christian in College" I laughed when I got it because in my mind I was going to the Christian utopia of all colleges. I didn't need to worry about whether I was going to stay a Christian simply because I was going to Bible college.

Then I got here.

So now I want to write a book about staying a Christian in Bible College. It's a lot harder than you think.

I think I will title it
"How I survived Bible College" or

"How to stay a Christian going into ministry" or

"How to stay a Christian in Bible college"

Well that's all. Tell me what you think.

Written for my Roommate

Dear Morgan,

In our recent discussion we have been conversing about the duality of thoughts. Your last journal post spurred this discussion and has turned the clockwork in my brain. I was sitting this summer listening to Bano speak about the duality of art and faith. The idea that we are trying to live this life that is messy and hard. We are searching for the truth.

Through this search we find ourselves on different levels of thought. Specifically about the world in which we live in, and the way that world sees us. This creates a plethora of emotional stigma which then leads to the incomprehensible and destructable thoughts that float through our atmosphere. We then breath in those thoughts and breath out every insecurity and flaw that we feel as mere mortals.

Sitting in my own disgust I then realize and wholly understand the action of these thoughts that are self absorbed. These thoughts seap through my pores and fill them in, becoming black foaming entities. Not only do they create oil filled pimples but the stink from those thoughts come off of my body. This could be compared to sitting on the train next to a man who has had to much to drink, and knowing that, not because of his breath alone, but because of the stentch that exudes from his body. I then carry around with me a mindset of muck because of my search for the truth.

This mindset becomes transformed over time when I come into the comfortable presence of the one who loves me. I then start to look over those old thoughts and create new ones, because of the great transformer. While I still see the remnants of those old thoughts I have air to breath that is sweeter. My face clears up and my stentch becomes and aroma, more like a women on a train who has the authority and genuaility of a proper lady.

However, the process of transformation should not be worried upon, but be praised, because the grace of God becomes clearer through the mistakes we make. We are mortal beings, with clear glass souls that are cracked upon contact, but when God comes in the picture that glass becomes filled. If the glass casing is broken than God is spilled out unto the viens, and this God consumes the entity of the body.

To all the doubters of my roommate's journey, I say to you, praise the process of transformation, because if you miss it, you miss the consumation of God.

To the best roommate of all time,

alison

The Lord Appears to Elijah.

"And the word fo the Lord came to him: "What are you doing here, Elijah?"

He replied, "I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the onlly one left, and now they are trying to kill me too."

The Lord said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by."

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.

When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. Then a voice said to him, "What are you doing here, Elijah?"

He replied, "I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too."

The Lord said to him, "Go back the way you came, and go to the Desert of Damascus. when you get there, annoint Hazael king over aram. Also annoint Jehu son of Nimshi king over Israel, and annoint Elisha son of Shaphat from Abel Meholah to succeed you as prophet. Jehu will put to death any who escape the sword of Hazael, and Elisha will put to death any who escape the sword of Jehu. Yet I reserve seven thousand in Israel-all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal and all whose mouths have not kissed him."

the first conversation

Dr. Mangano brought up some interesting points in class yesterday. We were talking about the fall and he asked this question;

"Why did the serpent go to Eve?"

Here are some noted answers from the class:
1. She was collecting food for Adam and the serpent came at her then.
2. Eve didn't have the mental capacity of Adam.
3. The serpent was second to God and the women was second to man so the serpent knew they could relate.
4. The serpent wouldn't be able to pursuade Adam because he was the ruler of creation.
5. The serpent knew that Eve could be more pursuasive so he went after her first.

There were two trees in the Garden. The tree of life, which produced food for Adam and Eve. This tree sustained Adam and Eve because they were not immoral or eternal. The other tree in existence was the tree of knowledge of good and evil. God told Adam that he could not eat of the tree of knowledge or he will surely die along with Eve. While we were batting around ideas my prof brought into the picture the basic components of the fall. The idea that because Adam didn't love his wife the way Christ loved the church he sinned first.

Adam was passive, which was the first sin comminted in the garden.

Eve was decieved by the serpent and broke God's commandment, which was the second sin committed in the garden.

Adam ate the fruit of the tree of knowlege, which was the third sin commited in the garden.

When God came calling he found Adam and Eve hiding in the bush and cursed them. They didn't die physically, but they became mediums. Corpses, no longer living, but not dead.

Adam and Eve were expelled from the Garden because God didn't want them living in their own Hell. He wanted to cut them off from the tree of Life so that they could not live in their state of wickedness for all times. He offered them Grace, rather than eternal deprevation.

While they headead out from the Garden they couldn't taste things, feel things, understand things through the eyes of goodness.

I know that when the church returns to that state we will be able to wear the white dress for our union with Christ.

Worship

"Soren Kierkegard compared worship to a theatre in a way that is particularly apt for the sacrificial rituals of Israel, especially when we grasp the point he was making. Theatres are places where dramas are performed by actors in front of an audience. In the worship of Israel the worshippers were the players, not the audience, and they were assigned an active role. It was God who was the audience, and whose benefit the drama was presented, and God who was to be satisfied. For that reason, the rituals were carefully prescribed and observed. How different from much present-day worship that turns the congregation into an audience of passive onlookers whose feelings need massaging and whose every taste and whim need satisfying! It is a foolish reversal of roles that places God on the stage as an actor who is required to entertain his people."

The Message of Leviticus, Tidball.

The Last Night

All summer Student Community prepared for their junior high camp. There theme was Day One.

Brillant. It was a great theme and was extremley well put together. It was probably one of the best themes that I have ever read and participated in.

The idea behind it is that today is Day one. Day one in encountering Christ, day one in understanding His love and grace, and day one in living the life that we as Christians are called to live, separatly and in a community.

I was sitting in a mentored ministry meeting and my advisor, Dr. J.K. Jones, asked us to turn to John 13. It is the story of Jesus washing his disciples feet. I have heard this story many times and have even experienced this kind of servanthood at highschool retreats, but J.K. came at this story from a different angle.

Jesus saw a need, and he met it. It was an extrodinary act that made ripples on His community, but in the moment it was a need that was met. On Christ's last night as a free person he met the needs of his closest friends, spirtually, emotionally, and physically. The community that he was leading wouldn't understand this kind of act until they understood the journey of Christ himself, but that was yet to come in the early church.

What will you do with your last night? J.K. Jones asked this question, and it stuck to me like jelly. I was so concerned with the beginnings of Christianity this summer that I suddenly forgot the urgency of the end.

So, what will you do with your last night?

Men and Women in the Church, Sarah Sumner

"I have been told that Christian women in Korea feel devastated socially if they turn thirty before marriage. Evidently they feel challenged, even in the church, to find their role. As I see it, the issue of their role is not the problem.

The problem, rather, lies in everyone around them who feels at a loss to knwo how to relate to them as single Christian women. My single female friends in the United States, expecially those over the age of forty who have never been married, constantly describe the same ordeal. Tehy feel many Christians do not know how to relate to them comfortably. Instead, people want to know "how they're coping" with their singleness and lack of motherhood.

In other words, they want to know how they're coping with there conventional rolelessness."

High matience Homeless

K-Shea and I went down to the city yesterday, to hang out and just enjoy each other's company. It was a blast. We ended up on the magnificant mile. It's amazing the different kind of people that are around that area. The mile has changed quite a bit since I have been there last. I tend to go into the city quite often but I'm never on Michigan Avenue(unless I'm seeing my sister at work).

Usually I'm in uptown.(Usually hanging out with my sister)

But there were crazy street performes one whom resembled Jonny Depp from the Secret Window. He was a vantriliquist and was pretty good. We also ventured into the world of human statues, who charged a dollar per picture, and we saw a puppet show on the street. When I encounterd the puppet show I was in a state of shock. Not often do you see such things.

So K-Shea and I enjoyed and gallavanted down this mile of merchandise, but we suddenley felt the urge for some substanance so we went to Giordono's. In the pizza arena Giordono's is high up in having the best deep dish pizza ever. We had fellowship and talked of many things while scarfing down a small deep dish sausage and mushroom pizza.

We ened up having two pieces of pizza left, so we figured if we saw someone on the stree that looks hungry or that was holding a sign that says "I need food, starving, Hungry!" we would just give our pizza to them.

We started south on the magnificant mile after dinner and ran into someone who had a sign that stated "Hungry, Please feed!" I asked if this person if she wanted our pizza and she replied with a quick and sharp no while continuing to stare off into space.

As we walked away, I felt kind of offended. I didn't realize that the homeless people on the magnificant mile were so high mantience. I just assumed that if someone was holding a sign that said hungy, that person would be grateful for a couple of deep dish sausage and mushroom peices of pizza.

I guess we all know where assuming takes us.

The Rulebook

"The people who know the rule book are the only ones going by it"

I heard this on a television show advertisment. Some new cop show that they are coming out with. The first thing that the ad states is, in a deep advertising voice of course "There is the cop who follows the rules, and then there is the professional who have thrown them out." Then the top quote follows. Now, yes it seems extremley cheesy and the whole basis of the show has been done and redone but I do like that quote.

The idea that the only people who truly follow the rules are the ones that know the rules. I can relate this to Christianity by parralleling 'Christians' and 'nonChristians'. By doing this I am pointing out that Christians arn't tolerate enough. The reality is that Christians follow a certian code and a certain rule book and we shouldn't judge other people by our moral stadards and expectations.

But I kind of want to hit on a different angle. What if we redirected and realized that the revolutionaries of this world consist of two kinds of people.

1.) People who know guidelines and rules and stick to them in an effort to create a dictonomy of harmony in their environments.
2.) People who know the guidelines and the rules so well that they either do one of two things; they learn how to manipulate them to there advantage, or they revamp them and they turn them into priniciples of their lives.

Principles are not concrete and cannot be broken.

So all in all I think that the first line stated in this blog is irrelevant, because everyone lives by their own moral standard. There is not one being on this earth who lives apart from themselves. Everyone is following someone or someone's ruling. I just think that there can be revolution in that. I think that men and women can grasp the ideals and morals of the universe and create something that is very much the same but still causes goose bumps to crawl up your friends arms.

One is never enough

I was working today, as usual, and there was a kid that started complaining that one frozen hot chocolate is not enough and will never be enough.

I have felt like that all summer. I have learned that people spend to much money and have the total mentality that one is never enough. I have been working in a coffee shop all summer, and the money that students carry around is disgusting.

My regulars blow my mind, because in reality, they come in three or four times a week and spend four or five dollars everyday on their coffee.

That is crazy to me. I know and understand that I spent and can spend that much money in one setting, but it still frustrates me.

I think that seeing how much money people spend on coffee shows what kind of lifestyle they lead in their lives.

And then, I could be wrong.

Mel's Mistake

I am a huge fan of Mel Gibson. I love most of the movies that he makes and I think that he is a cool guy.

Mel messed up on monday by getting drunk, getting into a car, and then making anti-semetic remarks to a couple of officers who pulled him over.

Mel has recently apologized to everyone involved and then some.

Now I do think that he was totally in the wrong for getting drunk in public and getting into a car and then making racist remarks, because he is in the public scene. He is a Christian who has stood up for his beliefs, and that makes him automatically in the spotlight. When you are in the spotlight for standing up for something you better live that way.

However, I do not agree with the way that Hollywood is handling the situation. People are freaking out. Making statments like "I'm never going to work with him or see any of his movies."

This is the orginization that has had more deaths involving drugs, more scandal, more sex, more racial problems, and more money then any other orginization in the nation.

If you don't agree with Mel's actions and words, stop putting racial sterotypes in your movies.
Producers, writers, and directors will make the argument that, racisim is a reality of life, and that is true but if we keep sterotyping races than racism is not going to stop.

I know people screw up and when they are drunk they lose control of their words and actions. Mel Gibson has no excuse for his behavior but Hollywood has no excuse for their's either.

The reason that they are standing up against him is because he has been standing up for his beliefs, for the past couple of years.

Oh and the reality of the Passion which apparantly is the anti-semetic movie that Mel came out with is that the Jews historically sent Jesus to be cruxified. Like it or not that is the reality of the situation. That is not anti-semetic, that's the truth.

A new Adventure

I have 20 days left until I go back to school.

That seems outlandish to me.

It's weird to live with a group of people for a year and then separate for three months. Three months is a mountain of time, and could completely change your lifestyle.

I'm really ready.

Haha 20 days.

Dirty socks

Don't be ashamed of the dirty socks that are hidden under the bed. When you find them wear them with diginity and pride during the day. Run, jump, and sit in the dirty socks that were found. At the end of the night take off those socks that have been lived in and shove them right back under the bed.

One day you will find them and you will smell them. After that smell you will realize that there has to be a bad smell so you can recognize the good smells in the world.

If we don't experience the bad, we will never live the good out to it's fullest.

70 years

Psalm 90:10
The length of our days is seventy years- or eighty, if we have the strength; yet their span is but trouble and sorrow, for they quickly pass, and we fly away.

There are 25,550 days in 70 years.

I have already lived 6,935

I have 18,615 days left to live if I am lucky.

When are you going to start living?

Awake

God is doing big things.

I'm just glad I'm awake for it.

God tore me out of bed last night.

The title is truth in all it's entirity. God tore me out of bed last night.

It all started with the idea of a sword. Actually it started with Shawn Williams' sermon illustration about laying your sword down before God and pledging your alliegance to God. He used this illustration at CIY two summer's ago and it was one of his best messages that I have ever heard. Then I remembered that Shawn always called his Bible the sword. So while all these thoughts were being swirled around I also realized that swords were used for hand to hand combat and it was a tool that was used for protection.

While all these thoughts were stewing God was calling me to get up and write them down. Thoughts like this late at night is an often occurance and I usually jot them down in the morning if I remember them and that is an often occurance in itself. But, I finally got out of bed after an hour of nudging and came up with something greater than myself.

I then was told to look up Galations 5 which, hit on exactly what God was telling me. Weird huh? God works in incredible and nagging ways.

UFC

Just finished watching UFC. It was intense up until the last two fights which were wimpy and kind of flip flopped. If you watched, you know what I mean.

The UFC reminds me of the Roman Collisium. It is two guys in the ring fighting until someone gets knocked out or the round ends. So, i guess it's a little more civilized. While the Romans sent prisoners in to the ring to fight lions, gladiators, and other prisoners to the death, the ultimate theme is still the same.

Proof of something. The Romans and the UFC'ers want and need to prove something to their fans and to themselves. They need to prove that they are not only strong enough to survive but also to dominate.

And that strength is what captivated me. I could not stop watching these fights. Punch by kick, I was hooked and got really involved. I had stepped out of the room I was in and was there. It was a cool and invergerating experience.

All they need now...is swords.

'Peace like a River'

"My sister, Swede, who often sees to the nub, offered this: People fear miracles because they fear being changed-though ignoring them will change you also. Swede said another thing, too, and it rang in me like a bell: No miracle happens without a witness. Someone to declare, Here's what I saw. Here's how it went. Make of it what you will."- Peace like a River, by Leif Enger.

Miracles are the magnificant creativities that display the power of who God is by reversing the systen that He, himself created. They are the reactions of men who understand that feeling the wind is a simple precaution to the storm that is ahead. The earth fights the miracles that God presents us with but they are truly divine and cannot be denyed.

However, God is creative, so his creations will not ever resemble the actualities of each other. All of God's miracles are different, even though occasionally they seem to look a like.

Don't miss the floating creativity of God while living in the background of gravity.

The Beauty of the Gospel

I was in small group on Thursday night and we were talking about what it means to live an offensive live.

One of the girls in my smizzle grizzle started talking about the beauty of the gospel. The captivating character of God. She stated that the gospel wasn't offensive but the way people took it was. She also said that we shouldn't be trying to live an offensive life, we should be trying to live a life drawn into the presence of God, and many situations will follow.

To live an offensive life is to realize that you are in a story that cannot be controlled but can be lived. It is a story that captivates all of us. It is a story that allows the greatness of God to be apart of our every day lives.

The thing is that to live this life is to follow the holy spirit around. We don't that do that. The H.S. is not a fixture in our faith and is something that is not regularly talked about. How can we learn from God, and follow Christ, if we are not be led by the Spirit.

Any thoughts?

Extremity

Kelly Shea needed to get gas and I needed to get gum so we stopped off at the old gas station on Washington and Gartner. I walked in and was wearing my S.W.A.P shirt.

The guy behind the counter asked me what it meant and I told him it was an acronim for Serving with a Purpose. We ended up getting into a conversation about what that meant and who Community was and he told me that he actually attends A.A. meetings on Friday nights at the yellow box. He then told me that the guy who owned that gas station actually goes to CCC with his six kids. Crazy huh?

I finally just gave him my email and told him he should come and check out our small group.

The only problem is that I forget to tell him my name, and I forgot to get his. So the no named gas clerk hopefully will email me and I can learn his name.

Whoops. I'll update later to tell what happens.

Being offensive on the offense.

I was talking to my old stucopastor, Shawn Williams, this guy is a huge influence in the realm of multiplying student leaders and student worship locations. He is also a personal influence in my own life and has shaped me as a leader and as thinker. To all of the Lincolnites who consider my thinking anylitical it is mainly because of this guy.

So we were talking about the terrorists who were planning to attack the Sears Tower. I was asking him how we can live out our lives as Christians and still interact with these men and women who are just as devout in their faith.

Shawn took a different angle, as usual, and looked at Christ and the disciples lives as a map to how we should interact with different faiths. He stated that these men were on the offense, they never reacted to anything. Their cause was bigger than they were. However, they offended people left and right. They proclaimed the gospel on the offense but they proclaimed it in a way that was offensive.

We then continued to talk abou the fact that we can live morally right lives but that isn't going to change lives. Even pagans can live morally right lives and still not proclaim Christ. It comes down to a conversation.

So is there a balance. My generation is being fed the emeregant church bit. That relationships are essential. But then there is this old idea hanging there. Which is diolouge. The idea of offending someone is highly out of the question, but why? When did we get so concerned about what other people think.

So in essence, how do we proclaim the gospel on the offense yet live it out in a way thats offensive?

House-sitting

I am house sitting/dog sitting this week for my very good friends the Plassmans. Their dog is awesome but gets up at butt early in the morning, which means I get up at butt early in the morning. So to waste time until I actually have to do something I watch the news, because I love the news, and the best part is that they have the BBC channel.

Well, I was watching the news the other day and the top story was the fact that Bush went over to Bahgdad and hung out with the prime minister. Then he came back and spoke to our American reporters about why he went, ect. Some things I noticed about his public speaking were this;

1.) He stuttered when he read...he went to an IV school right?
2.) He spoke and read his speech like he had never heard of any of the ideas that he was supposed to have helped create.
3.) He used the word 'wise' a lot, which I commend him for.
4.) He mocked a blind man?

So I was thinking while watching Bush give his speech what the Biblical view of the war should be. I actually brought it up to my small group last night. What is the Christian view saying versus what Christ says. What is the essence and being of War? What is the essence and being of this war, if you can call it that? What is going to happen when Bush gets out of office? Is there a vision? I think that, the Presidency is flawed in that way. We elect a president who has a specific vision for our country and then four to eight years later we elect a different president who has a completley different vision.

Well that's all I'v got to say about that.

Addiction

So I'm addicted to caffeine, and I'm going through withdrawal right now because I figure if I am reaming my brother on smoking I shouldn't be addicted to caffeine. Yesterday was my first day since I hadn't had any and it was awful. I was tired, irritable, I was nauseas, and my body freaked out. By the time I went to bed I couldn't sleep because I felt awful. I woke up with the same headache I went to sleep with.

Oh did I mention that I work in a coffee shop. Yea, that helps. Today I'm drinking decaf, hoping that the placebo effect will occur. I almost gave in this morning but fought the urge.

Taking it day by day.

Alchemy

" What is the alternatvie to religion as we know it? As it turns out, this the wrong question to ask. Chemistry was not an "alternative" to alchemy; it was a wholesale exchange of ignorance at its most rococo for genuine knowledge. We will find that, as with alchemy, to speak of "alternatives" to religious faith is to miss the point"- Sam Harris, The End of Faith, Religion, Terror, and the Future of Reason

You control the conversation by asking the right question. Science doesn't get rid of a theory even if it sucks. Look at phlogiston. How do we ask the right question....

Promise Kept

"And what more shall I say? I do not have time to tell about Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthath, David, Samuel, and the prophets, who through faith conquered kingdoms, administered justice, and gained what was promised;

who shut the mouths of lions, quenched the fury of the flames, and escaped the edge of the sword; whose weakness was turned into strength; and who became powerful in battle and routed foreign armies.

Others were tortured and refused to be released, so that they might gain a better resurrection.

Some faced jeers and flogging, while others were chained and put in prison. They were stoned; they were sawed in two; they were put to death by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted, and mistreated-

They wandered in deserts and mountains, and in caves and holes in the ground.

These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them recieved what had been promised. God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect."

Hebrews 12:32-40

Fights within non-tradition

So I have recently come across a pretty interesting debate between Brian McLaren and Marc Driscoll about homosexuality. I personally side with Brian McLaren on this issue. Driscoll sounds like he just wants to pick a fight with McLaren over a lot more than this subject.

Also I found Driscolls comment at the end of his response to McLaren pretty offense and totally out of context. Driscoll failed to present his opinion intellectually and even biblically, but decide for yourself who is in the right.

http://blog.christianitytoday.com/outofur/archives/2006/01/brian_mclaren_o.html- this is Brian's first article

http://blog.christianitytoday.com/outofur/archives/2006/01/brian_mclaren_o_2.html- this is Driscoll's response

Biking is good for your health....so are friends...and good things, like community.

This morning my best friend Alison and I woke up at 4:30 to ride our bikes to church so she could open the cafe. I've become a wierd morning person. And Ali's wierd in general. So it's been a fun morning. Anyway, she decided to start riding her bike to church for two reasons. They are as follows:
1. She's lacking in the vehicle department and rollerblading to church has proved dangerous in the past... lets just say someone who wasn't alison and might have been me might not have known how to operate the brakes on her own blades and may or may not have been inches from

death on rickertt.

2. The fresh air will do her good
Sitting in the cafe this morning, I realize more and more the beauty of community. Donald Miller speaks well on the method of personalized spirituality that is projected in so much Christian teaching today. He goes on to point out that Biblically, community and faith go hand in hand. When I try to grow in a vaccuum, (even that of a Christian community) I begin to lose the relational ability to connect with people in a relevent, empathetic way. I get caught up in my development and my thoughts and faith becomes something that is driven by a strange selfishness. I think its safe to say that a lack of shared faith can lead to a lot of spiritual pride. Have you ever been discouraged by a Christian leader who isn't able to admit struggle or weakness? It leaves others in the community with a feeling of shame and an inability to connect at a heart level. The community as a whole misses out. When we practice this self-involved faith, we reject the fullness God offers us in the community he has created us for, and take away from those whose stories are inseperable from our own: friends, co-workers, leaders, aquaintences, those we are leading, people we chat with on a plane... Why is it that I find myself experiencing guilt when I realize I'm lonely? Because too often and too casually Christian culture reminds us that we must only rely on God, never man. And while this is true in the sense that God is our first love and the only One who will never let us down, i think an evil misconception seeps in that to need others is to be weak, to be lacking in faith. I love that God has created us as relational beings, and love the community he has surrounded me with. Amidst hardship and change and confusion there have always been these beautiful people who I've gotten to share life with. I pray that God will continue to reveal to me how to love recklessly.
written by Alison's best friend-the great and ohh so humble Kelly Shea

Answered prayers

God answered my prayer through small bills on Friday night.

Innovators

So I work at one of the most influential churches in the country. I am the affectionate face that everyone sees when they walk in the front doors.

Yep, that's right...I make the coffee.

Which is a good job because I not only get to meet new people everyday, I also get to serve the staff of the church.

These people are the cutting edge leaders in America today. The innovators of the mega church world. These minds are brilliant and these people are the adrenaline pumping, risk takers of vocational ministry.

So you would think that this risk taking, and innovation would branch into their coffee drinking.
Not true. These staff members like what they like and they are not willing to change that.

As one staff member told me this morning, "We need something stable in our lives, something that's consistent and the same."

To all those who enjoy their cafe' o lays, skim lattes with two packets of splenda, their vanilla caramel chai frappes, and their safari sunset ice teas with honey I salute you, and will continue to make those drinks so that you may feel some consistency in life!

Questions

So as I was openening today I was thinking about my first semester of college. I have discovered that God totally blessed me with my first year. I had the best classes, with the best proffesors or all kind. I also met some of my closest friends my first semester. It was a blast.

I realized this because I think that one of the biggest problems at Bible college is the fact that everyone is afraid to ask questions. It happened to me second semester. I just stopped asking questions in class because I was afraid I would look stupid, or worse heretical.

That scares the crap out of me, literally. If I stop asking questions how in the world am I going to help people in ministry? If I stop being invested in and growing how in the world am I supposed to help people grow?

To all who are in college, highschool, jurnior high, Ask questions!

To all who are out of college...do the same.

To everyone in life...ask questions! Get curious about life. If we don't ask questions we start assuming and you know what happens then.

The world ends, because no one knows what really is going on, and we end up electing a communist/socialist marxist who thinks that the best thing for the American people is apple jacks with chocolat milk.

"Home is where the Heart Is"

So, I moved home last week. It was really hard. I had no desire to come home, but I know that God has placed me here for a couple of different reasons.

It was fascinating how in the beginning of the year I felt like I was leaving my family and last week I had that same feeling. I had developed such rich and incredible friendships this year. Friendships that really are soul filled. I didn't think that I would have such a sadness on moving home but then I realized that part of my heart is in Lincoln. Actually more like there are different parts of my heart around the midwest because I seemed to have given it away to those whom I loved at Lincoln.

My heart has been scattered around the midwest...some of it is in Mexico and some of it is in the foggy streets of London. As I look around I see my heart in different parts of this place too. I have invested and developed great relationships with certain people here in my 'home' town and it is like slipping my hand back into a fitted glove in the summer time. It feels good because it fits, but it tends to sweat and become uncomfortable after awhile because its the wrong season.

My "home" are the people that have captured my heart.

"American Beauty"

So, I have come home, and God moved right when I stepped into my old room, but that's for another time and place.

I have finished the book Captivating, and it was Amazing. Stasi and John Eldredge write it together and it is a book about what it means to be a women of God. Yea, that was my reaction to it too. I scoffed at it all year until I sat down and read it and my calling from God has cleared up a bit more. It's still extremley blurry but I feel like God is slowly making things known to me.

I see women like Joyce Meyer and Beth Moore who are women of great faith and great teaching, but their primary audience is to women. This role needs to be filled because women need leaders who they can learn from and who they can relate to. I am not one of those women.

My role, my calling, is to bring beauty back to the church, through communication and leadership. I'm not talking about the beauty the world seems to be fixated on, I'm talking about the beauty that is found in Christ alone. The beauty that was given to Eve on the day of her creation. The beauty that made God think that things were "very good."

It is a beauty of feirceness and gentleness. This beauty has been stripped from the church and needs to be nurterd back to health. Joyce Meyer and Beth Moore have started that nurturing with women of their generation, and with the family.

I want to start that nurturing with the leaders of the church. I want to see this beauty be brought to the stages of every church so that the men can be called back to the strength of who they are meant to be.

Sickness

I'm sick of Postmodernism.

Give me something solid, concrete, real.

crazy friday nights

me and my two closest friends at lcc, jess and scotty

me, scotty, mel, corbin
me, jess, mel

So I have had some interesting and adventurous friday nights, but this one tops the charts. A buntch of my friends and I decided to go to Buffolo Wild Wings for dinner. We ended up taking three cars but by mishap at the end of dinner there were six people crammed in one car. So off we went to first Wal-Mart and the Meyjer we were on a mission to find the game Balderdash which we did and while in these stores we also played the game follow the leader.

We then headed back to Lincoln to play the game that we had purchased, now you would think that is where the night ends. However, you would be mistaken. At around 11 the game ended and we decided that we wanted to get into mischief. So Scotty, Corbin, Nick, Christy, and I headed off to find an Adventure of some sorts. We ended up in Kenny in the basement of a school with one of the largest boilers I have ever seen. We then went to Clinton from there. One of our last stops was a one room school house, and this is where our tail takes a turn for the worse.

We only had one flashlight inside the school house and we heard this noise. It was a scratching noise of some sort coming from the basement. As we shifted our weight suddenly our good friend Scotty fell through the floor, and what he saw was something that he couln't really describe. He stood up after gaining his balance and saw a man, bending over and eating something. Scotty didn't know what it was, it could have been an animal or a small child. Well that will get you running in the first place, but the only problem was the mean dog that was gaurding the stairs. As we watched in horror I knew we had to do something. So three of my companions and I decided to distract the dog so Scotty could get away. We headed down the stairs and started taunting him. Which was good enough for him. He lunged at us with his foaming mouth and we ran. So did Scotty. As we all ran down the long road to the car all we could hear was the dog chasing after us and the pounding of our own hearts. We all got in and started driving away.

We all still wonder who that man was and what he was eating, but some things are left untold.

I love the Foo Fighters. There are many bands that have filled my time up in the last three months, but I can always come back to the Foos and they treat me with the utmost respect.

I think that redemption is one of the most beautiful images I have ever encountered.

Shower Time

Last semester, there were lines occasionally in the shower room. Everyone was on their own and if you were late to class then it usually was because someone was taking a long shower. Usually it didn't matter but this morning it was different.

You know you have become a communal floor when the girls know each others schedules and are asking each other if they want to take a shower first. I know this doesn't sound like a big deal but God has transformed this floor in such a short time.

I guess that happens after eight months living with each other. It was cool to listen to, this morning.

God is Good.

Book Plug

So I recently bought Brian MCLaren's new book the Secret Message of Jesus, which I am quite excited to read but I am not allowed to read it until I get home. My friend also bought it today and said that he fell alseep reading the first chapter, but I'm still holding out for it.

Instead I am going to read his book Generous Orthodoxy, which I have been avoiding kind of.

I'm just really really excited about my new purchase and I am excited to get challeged. Pick it up if you get a chance.

Children are like dogs, if you hit them enough there going to think they did something to deserve it.

Death strikes again

There are very few things that absolutley infuriate me and one of those things is death. My roommate used to work at Taylor University, in the cafeteria and five students have died and four of my roommates co-workers ended up in intensive care in the hospital because they got into a car wreck last night.

Well one of my roomies co-workers actually died this morning. I hate what death does to the human soul and how it tries to tear apart what God originally put together. Its hard because i love my roommate a lot and there has only been two other moments where i have really cried because of the hurt that another person is going through. I had my third experience like that tonight with my roommate.

Death sucks. I hate it.

Stupid Christianity

Yap, that's right...Have you ever run into one of these? Every church has one or more if they are lucky. Stupid Christians. I use this term fluently in saying that there are certain Christians who are sadly stupid. In a specific way...

These are the kind of people who know the message and hear God's voice and blantanly ignore Him. Christians who are making poor decisions, and who are justifying those poor decisions with the idea that Jesus loves them, and that people should love them just as they are.

News FLASH- Christ calls us to himself. Christ states that we are called to be mature in the faith, so that we can know what is right and so we can grow eating the solid food Christ gives us. We are called to know the difference between what is right and what is wrong, and we are also called to know that if we do not do the right thing, we are sinning.

I just find Christians who are consciously sinning to be stupid. The whole idea that we can continue to consciously sin and hear God clearly enough to follow his spirit is full of blatant stupidity.

Mockers grow up. You know the Truth, so start living it out.

WalMart

Isn't it intresting how our environment can shape our ideas.

I recently got an email to be a rep. for WalMart, and the first thought I had was No. The reason being is that they are not unized and they also treat their employees with disrespect. The reason I stick by the union thing is because my mom is part of a union and when they go on strike they are told not to go to WalMart because it would be misrepresenting what the union idea stands for.

I just thought it was something to quickly write about so I can enhance the idea later in life.

shocked

Naperville woman, friend tangle with wrong 'victim'
Sharp-eyed, 88-year-old widow foils purse snatching
By Bill Bird
\
STAFF WRITERST. CHARLES She was supposed to have been their "pigeon." She turned out to be more like an eagle-eyed raptor.
Despite suffering a fractured left knee and head bruises after being flung to the sidewalk, an 88-year-old woman managed to turn the tables on two purse snatchers, giving police a detailed description of her attackers and the license plate number of their getaway car.
That enabled police to arrest a man and a woman on felony charges of robbery and aggravated battery in the case, said Paul McCurtain, public information officer for the St. Charles Police Department.

Bond was set Tuesday at $50,000 for Alise L. Hockett, 20, of 7S428 Plainfield-Naperville Road in the unincorporated Green Acres neighborhood near Naperville's west side; and at $75,000 for Marcus A. Montgomery, 30, of 39W791 Dairy Herd Lane, St. Charles.
McCurtain said the trouble began at 10:22 a.m. Monday on the 300 block of Oak Street in St. Charles, just west of the city's downtown area. The victim, a widow from Geneva, had come to town for an appointment with a professional tax preparer, McCurtain said.
Hockett allegedly walked up to the woman and distracted her while Montgomery approached her unseen, McCurtain said. A scuffle ensued after Montgomery grabbed the victim's purse and she resisted him.

McCurtain said the woman was pushed to the ground with enough force that she fractured her left knee and sustained bruising to the left side of her head.
Hockett and Montgomery took the purse and fled in a vehicle as the victim lay on the sidewalk, McCurtain said. Despite her injuries, the woman "was able to provide police with a description of the offenders, as well as the license plate of (their) vehicle," he said.
An emergency radio broadcast concerning the crime was heard by Geneva police, who curbed the vehicle just after 11 a.m. near a strip mall, McCurtain said.

Montgomery and Hockett were taken to the St. Charles police station for questioning. The victim was released from Delnor-Community Hospital in Geneva after undergoing treatment there for her injuries.

McCurtain praised the woman for remaining calm and alert during her ordeal, calling her "a very, very sharp witness."

Hockett and Montgomery are charged with robbery of a person over the age of 60, aggravated battery of a senior citizen and aggravated battery on a public way, all felonies. They are scheduled to be arraigned April 13 in Kane County Circuit Court in Yorkville.

Alise Hockett is a good friend of mine from highschool who actually attended my highschool small group. I think that God is moving through this situation though.

The Beauty of Surrender

Take my heart and lay it down.
at the feet of you whose crowned
and take my life and letting go
I lift it up to you whose throwned.

And I will worshhip you Lord, only you Lord
And I will bow down, before you, only you Lord

Take my fret, take my fear, all I have im leaving here
Be all my hopes, be all my dreams
your my delight sweet my everthing

And I will worship you Lord only you Lord
And I will bow down, before you, Only you Lord

And its just you and me here now
Only you and me here now

And it's just you and me here now
Only you and me here now.....

words written.

I miss Kelso.

I remember at fusion last year when he kneeled down on shawn's shoes and pulled his pants up really high and mocked shawn. It was really funny. We played jenga and would think up funny things to say before we pulled out each block. I remember that Sunday he was going to each lunch with his grandparents and I remember the last look he gave me before he left.

I remember going on my first mission trip with him, and doing chicken wire the hard way.

I remember tag preaching my frist sermon with him.

I remember when he would teach me new games on wednesday nights and we played one that involved rock paper scissors.

I remember the time that he told me I could keep the video camera on, on the plane even though we were landing and all electronics needed to be turned off.

I remember getting excited about school with him.

I love the memories even the hard ones.

hard day

us so i don't blog about my days specifically but i decided to do it today. I strangly had a hard day. I cleaned some and sat down with Ezekiel today and talked with him and at the end of the conversation I was blown away by the experiences that he has with God and after the first real experience he lands in a camp and it says he stays there-overwhelmed.

That's something i can relate to. The feeling of being overwhelmed, and i feel like that was my main feeling today. I sat down and read some of my books for class about Biblical interperatation which was half interesting and half overwhelming. What does the Truth really look like and who's right in interperating it? Which i know isn't even the right question to ask.

Then I entered into some pretty challenging conversations. Some questions that I came up against were questions I had no answers to. At least not at the moment.

I just feel like i have a lot of information and I don't have anything to do with it. It's like I am constantly sitting and listening to sermons about what I should do and how i should live but there is not application at the end of the message. I guesse that is what I have to get too.

I guesse that is where faith comes in...a lot of different ideas.

Reaching out

So I have recently discovered Henri Nouwen's book Reaching Out on my bookshelf and decided to pick it up.

He blew my mind.

This is an amazing statement that is just in the introduction.

"During our life we become more aware not only of our crying lonliness but also of our real desire for a solitude of the heart; we come to the painful realization not only of our cruel hostilities but also our hope to recieve our fellow humans with unconditional hospitality; and underneath all of this we discover not onlyl the endless illusions which make us act as if we are masters of our fate but also the precarious gift of prayer hidden in the depth of our innermost self."

I actually read the first chapter as well and encourage everyone to pick this book up.

No Bounds

I was sitting on the train that was traveling from London to Nottingham with a team of ten college students and one professor. The students around me got into the a conversation of some sorts about how we should interact with non Christians. Those who find their value and worth in the empty things of this world. I sat there and listened to some of the things that were said but I had Death Cab for Cutie ringing in my ears. Which if you know me well you know that I am spiritually stimulated when I listen to music of any kind. So I let the conversation that was surrounding me and the music intermix and started thinking about how I would respond if I entered into the conversation.

Love them. That’s it. That’s all I would say. Don’t try and convert them in that moment, and don’t judge them...just love them. This thought I would have backed up by using the illustration of Christ’s life.

And then God threw a theological and emotional brick in my face, which usually happens when I think I am right.

Jesus did illustrate love with his life. And time and time again I will speak of how Jesus suffered for me. But during that train ride I realized I was the one spitting on him. I was the one flogging the man that I so called loved. Now let me bring it back into our world because over and over I have heard that example used in sermons to drive the emotion. But in my life I continually put up walls and boundaries around people. I use the excuse of "Im just being wise" but in reality I just don’t want to get hurt.

Christ never put boundaries up. He never reacted to a Roman guard spitting on him. He only acted on the fact that he was and is God, and God is love. Psychologically we continue to put walls up because we again know that if we don’t we will get walked all over. We will become a door mat. Makes sense.

I walk all over Jesus. You know what he does. He doesn’t put psychological walls up in a justification that it’s normal and right. He loves me.

I decided to stretch my photo editing legs a little bit...its really simple but i just started.

Sleepless nights

So you know those nights where you just can't sleep?

That's tonight for me.

I don't really have a reason why...probably too much caffine...

but really, Im 18 years old and I have a life that is ahead of me yet i feel like Im missing something.

Im not content. And I always hear people say and talk about the God sized hole in your heart. Well I have God...and it's an Awesome thing. I am really connected to God, but I feel like there is still something missing.

I still have a hole. Maybe that's why I can't sleep....

Grad school

So I am going to Oxford for my Masters in Theology or Philosophy!

Just thought you might want to know.

The absence of Marriage

So I have recently discovered that I really don't have any desire to get married.

Here's why...

It will take far too much time. First you have to cultivate a friendship which in my mind takes at least 6 months to a year if not longer. Then you have to cultivate a relationship. Which again takes a long time. And Im more talking about the time that you put into the relationship e.g. the emotional time, physical time, and mental time.

Then you have to get engaged and plan the wedding, which takes more time.

Then you get married...and you have to put in all your time until your dead.

I have too many dreams and desires. I don't think I could fit marriage in.

Emotions

So I have discovered that emotions can evade the truth or they can proclaim it.

chapel sermon

Brian Mills speaks of the tragedy of Hurrican Katrina. He ended up going with a team down to New Orleans and in detail described the different aspects of tragedy of our fallen world through examples he collided with last week. Tragedy is always and easy sermon illustration because you can hit people hard with it, but what about the lack of joy?

Or just the lack of something, in reality being God. Stepping on the tube, or walking in the streets of London, knowing God is absent. To look into a student's eyes and encounter intellectually what happens when two religions/lifestyles collide. Sitting there and realizing God's grace and love is not a logical solution to the fall of humanity, but that is how God responded. Knowing that even though the actions of Christ are not logical still does not make me give up what I know is truth. Christ is truth, and deep down I know that I would not be able to walk away from that. I could walk away from the lifestyle of Christianity but in the end I would be denying myself life. We speak of tragedy and the philosophy of human suffereing, and those things seem to define who we are. Yet when you walk into a city that has evaded the light in such a decieving way you soon realize that human suffering can no longer define our identity. God continues to pull us out of our "security" in our human indentification and calls us to be wholly in Christ.

Im back....

Christian T-shirt

I am totally against Christian merchandise. It makes me sick sometimes.

So I was sitting in IDS (which if you have read my blog latltey you have noticed that I talk a lot about IDS. I really don't know why but its a class that gets me thinking), anyway I looked at a girl in front of me and the whole class I was trying to figure out what the back of her t-shirt said.

I finally got to read it and this is what it said.

Live your life so the preacher won't have to lie at your funeral.

That's a story of Christian love? Yet the message is kind of intriguing.

What do you think?

My brother

I love my brother, he makes me laugh.

Breathing

As I sat there and listened to the music that Friday night I felt an ache in my heart because I was watching students worship. My heart swelled with a feeling of complete awe and misunderstanding and my eyes teared up. We continued into our weekend with good conversations, hard situations, and the collision of who God is.

Saturday morning came and I sat in the back and watched. Nick got on stage and started telling his story. When Nick speaks I always seem to step back and look at my life. He told some heart wrentching stories and made some funny jokes, but there was something incredible and beautiful that was happening. God was entering the room. He sat there and weighed on hearts and moved around and tugged on souls. Tears came from my eyes because I saw God. Nick's words and stories were spoken in complete unconditional love, and in that moment, God was made complete and love was made perfect. I sat there and breathed in God. Tears flowed down my face because there was beauty there that I have only encountered once before in my life.

I want to collide with God. It scares the life out of me but I want to so desparatley collide with God. Because there is beauty and love in collision.

Why have we stopped fighting for Jesus?

We get converted, equipped, we start "doing" ministry and then sit down. We ignore everything around us and we sit down in our waste because we some how forget that God cares about us. We have seemingly forgotten through the years of "living" the Christian life that Christ is our life. It's a scientific fact that an organism can't live in it's own waste.

It dies.

As Christ followers we tend to get tired and sit down and forget our mission and forget our life in Christ. We start dying in our own waste. We let ourselves sit down because our business overtakes us. We start "doing" ministry instead of living it. When tasks become our ministry we have struck out.

simplicity

Sometimes I feel like my education gets in the way of Jesus.

I have been immersed in the God talk but I have been torn away from the God walk. Sounds cliche but Bible college is dangerous grounds to walk on. I feel like Satan is more at work here than anywhere else but in a way where he's not seen.

Through bad attitudes, complaining, gossip, idol worship.

And through missing the point of Jesus.

Firsts

So a friend and I were eating dinner last night and we were going through the firsts...who would get married first out of the two of us, have kids,ect.

He asked me who would end up in jail first.

I said I would.

"Why?"

"Becuase of my mouth, and it would probably be on a short term mission trip too..."

So if you end going on a short term mission trip with me I'm sorry if I end up in jail.

fork

I stabbed Shawn Williams with a fork yesterday.

rib

I really think I broke a rib. I have done it before so I wouldn't be suprised if I did it again. oh well just got to wait it out. Ha. Just don't take any crazy spills while playing ping pong.

"Grey ARea"

So I got my second IDS paper today. I did pretty well however my section leader wrote something pretty interesting on my back page. I guesse I have to start with what the paper was about before I can get to the comment that got me riled up. I was assigned to read three chapters out of a book and interact with the authors ideas and theories according to what I believe ect. So that's what I did. I took some of the ideas that this author put out and I said...hey there's grey area in the bible somtimes. However mentioning grey area freaks my sec. leader out. He agrees that grey area is there but he wrote that we as Christians need to live in the light. Satan lives in the grey and he probably likes it better there becuase at times it seems ok. I do think he is right to some extent. But how do we live in the light and still realize that the grey needs to be engaged. Im actually frustrated that Christians are afraid of the grey because they are bearers of the light. The light resides in them and if they are connected to the light then they should be able to live in the grey. How are we supposed to love if we can't live or engage in the grey? The grey is the world. WE are called to be apart from it but still be in it to share the light. I probably could write for days on this but I decided to keep it short. Just food for thought.

Confused

Why does the world bring down the different and the unique? In Elementary school we are called to be "ourselves", but if we are we get made fun of by our peers and by the adults who still arn't following their dreams. It's interesting to look at adults who havn't truly followed their hearts and dreams because they have become miserable and bitter at those who try. Try and fail. If you don't make a lot of money, if you don't have a reputable job to talk about at your ten year reunion, even if people misunderstand you and what you are called to do. STOP FEARING PEOPLE> People can tear you down or build you up but each person is made up of blood, flesh, body, soul, mind, emotion, and fear. Follow what you are called to do. If you don't you will be miserable and there will be no life in your bones. Live in the moment for what you know should be lived for. And love recklessly.

good advice

Be careful with whose advice you buy or be patient with those who supply it. Advice the form of nostalgia , dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal wiping it off painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than its worth.

Best Concert Ever

So I was in the warehouse with my friend Jess, minding my own business when my friend Jeremy came up and asked us if we wanted to go to a Chris Tomlin/Matt Redman concert. It was amazing. We got free tickets and were fifth row center....Oh yea and Loui Giglio spoke. It was one of the best nights I have yet experienced in Licoln/surrounding areas. God is Big!

Coke-machine Christianity

I was sitting in my non-western religions class tonight and my prof started talking about animism. Which in laymans terms basically is a belief system of beings and spirits who we as humans try to munipulate to do our bidding. So As my prof was expaining this belief system he brought up a pretty interesting point about both Christianity and animism.

They both can involve magic.

Now before you start freaking out and calling me a heretic hear me out.

Let's take a coke machine into consideration. You can go up to a coke machine and put money in and recieve a coke. Anyone can do this no matter what you have done before hand. Whether you have killed six men or just got done at a retreat and are landing from a spiritual high. Coke machines don't care what you have done or where you have been you get the same result every time(unless it's broken, or out of coke).

All you have to do is put your money in press a button and get the coke. So lets go back to Christianity. We have a guy named Larry who has been a Christian for 15 years. He goes to church every Sunday, reads his Bible, prays everyday, and serves in his church weekly. Suddenley his wife gets sick with cancer. He prays and continues to devote himself to scripture and to his church. He belives that God will help him because of his dedication. However, his wife dies and Larry gets angry becuase he has spent so much time in prayer and in scripture. He has used his routine for God as magic. He believes that since he has done certain things, aka put the quarters in the machine. That he can just press the button and ask God to heal his wife. Once catch-God doesn't owe us anything and we can't manipulate him. Now don't get me wrong every Christian isn't like this, it's just an interesting connection.

The story of Christianity and Animism.

hey

So I'm writing a book about why Christians Don't love with my best friend. Now don't get angry right away, because I do think that there are Christians that love and those Christians understand what it means to live without fear.

We focus so much on love that we forget to love. Isn't that interesting? We as a culture put so much emphasis on romantic love and unforgetable love and rarley do we see this in real life. Rarely is there a man who is willing to give everything up for his love and vice versa. We have been so encompassed and consumed by this "love" that we have forgotten to do it in our own lives. We live day to day yearning for something, something real and something tangible.

So we look for it. We grasp and grab at things that will fill our lives with momentary pleasure. Sad. The most brillant minds, the most imaginative intellects, the most wealthy humans on the earth can relate, the darkest minds, the homeless lives, and the lost sousl can relate. They all are looking for something. Something greater, some story more important, that they can be a part of of. Unfortunatley we forget our yearning and distract ourselves with different things; jobs, families, drugs, movies, food, weight loss, popularity, the list goes on and on.

So does this have any thing to do with love? WE shall see.

Back to School...

I'm confused


Things are moving to fast.

My worldview

I just took a test for one of my classes about what worldview I have.

Apparently there were right and wrong answers to these questions.

I got a 47 out of 170.

Im a secular humanist apparntley. However, all of these questions are based on one person's view of what the bible states. mmmm.....

Im a failure. HA

Serious Questions

Why do we pray with our eyes closed?

Why don't Christians love?

Can we know something without any of our physical senses?

Is there anyway to stop a sect from becoming a church without another sect popping up?

Why do graduated students walk out the door with only belief but faith has never been encountered by their lives?

Why did God command genocide?

Are there life forms out there besides us?(Im not a sci-fi dork but I have recently gotten into the study of the thousands of universes in existance)

Will the church ever stop self managing and start relationally-love working?

Carl Sagin

Carl Sagin "Look again at that dot. Thats here thats home thats us. on it every one you love every one you know everyone you have ever heard of every human being who ever was lived out there lives the agriget of our joy and suffering thousands compantent religions, idioloigies, and economic doctrines, and every hunter and foreger, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization every king and peasant, every young couple in love every teacher of morals every mother and father every hopeful child ,every inventor and explorer, every corrupt politician every super star, every supreme leader, every saint and sinner, in the history of our species, lived there on a mote suspended in a sun beam. The earth is a very small stage i=n a vast cosmic arena. Our posturings, our imagined self importance, the dillusion that we have some privledged postition in the universe, our challenged by this poit of pale light our planet is a lonly speck in the great enveloping in the great cosmic dark and in our obscurity in all this vastness there is no hint that help will come from else where to save us from ourselves."

The importance of being Foolish by B. Manning

So Im reading The Importance of Being Foolish and I wanted to email you something I read today. It struck me.

In the winter of 1952, during some of the heaviest combat of the Korean War, two Marine corporals were crouched in the bunker of a foward observation post some one hundred yards inside enemy lines. Jack Robison and Tim Casey had been friends for almost a year. They met in ammunition-demolition school in Quantico, Virginia, went on furlough together, then traveled on to Camp Pedleton, California, for advanced infrantry training. Their regiment had arrived in Pusan in the fall of 1951.

It was a little after midnight, and a light snow was falling. Huddled in the bunker, the two were passing a cigarette back and forth when a hand grenade, lobbed by an undetected North Korean twenty-five yards north of their position, landed squarely between them. Casey spotted it first. He nonchalantly flicked the butt aside and fell on the grenade. It detonated instantly, but Casey's stomach absorbed the explosion. He winked at Robinson and rolled over dead.

Theres a second half to the story if you want it. I will probably send it to you later when I have more time. It totally blew my mind.

Love ya

alison

Thursdays suck.

The world

The world in its promisicuous way has offerend the man a life of existance,
the world has taken the man's sorrow and turned into distractions of lust and romance,
the world has knowingly destroyed the man's spirit,

and yet the man returns.

A student doing graduate work at the University of Paris.

"To me a Christian is either a man who lives in Christ or a phony. You Christians do not appreciate that it is on this-the almost external testimony that it is of God-that we judge you. You ought to radiate Christ. Your faith ought to tflow out to us like a river of life. You ought to infect us with a loe for him. It is then tha tGod who was impossible becomes possible for the atheist and for those of us whose faith is wavering. We cannot help being struck, upset, and confused by a Christian who is truly Christlike. And we do not forgive him when he fails to be."

Cardinal Emmanuel Suhard wrote in 1947-
"The great mark of a Christian is what no other characteristic can replace, namely the example of a life which can only be explained in terms of God"

Miscommunication

w So IM painting again. Which I don't mind because frankly I like to paint. It's very relaxing and relieves stress.

Let me clarify what I paint...Walls, ceilings, and the occasional closets which have been the focus of my last endeavors.

So I am told by my mother to paint three closet doors and one regular door, however she misinformed me about these closet doors. Now if you have ever painted a closet door you understand that they can be mighty difficult things to deal with.

That is closet doors sometimes are seen as understatements by most unless you are painting them and then you realize that they are quite different animals. You must see because getting inside a closet being my size with things still in a closet is quite a feat and expedition. It took me a good hour to paint one side of these dastardly closet doors.

So I painted the inside and outside of the inside of a pair of closet doors which required me to; take all of the coats our of the closet tape the floor inside the closet and out and put a sheet over the remaining things in the closet.

So then my mother comes home to me, covered in paint because I kept bumping into one pair of wet closet doors as I was painting the other closet doors on the inside of the closet, and laughs. She just starts laughing like I am Chris Rock and she is in the blooming audience.

And then it comes. "You didn't have to paint the inside of the closet doors!" Oh the laughter we both shared.

So this little tidbit of my life shows just one instance of miscommunication that I live in on a daily basis.

Love songs suck

So I have recently come to the conclusion that love songs suck.
I will tell you why;

Love songs put ideas in girls heads. They listen to the love song and fantazise about their boyfriends, their weddings, how their going to live the rest of their lives in merry matromony.

So after a period of listening to these loves songs they become adhearatly obssessed with love. They talk to their friends about it and if they have a boyfriend they suddenly want the relationship to move to the next level= Saying those three little words.

After these individuals have accomplished this task they continue to listen to these loves songs and then they move the relationship to an even closer level until finally they are engaged and have set a date.

Which happens that the friends they used to talk about love to now are sounding boards to everything going on in the relationship and the wedding. Which being always a friend pushes the level of really wanting to get rid of the girl that is getting married because one knows that there is more to life than just marriage and spelling corrections. The friend of the bride is patient and decides not to terminate the relationship becuase they have been friends for a long time.

Well in the end the bride gets married moves and never talks to the friends she used to have or live out any of her goals.

This is the end result of love songs. They should all be banned and taken off the radio.

Another weird dream

So this dream happened to me last night and was probably the most symbolistic weird dreams I have ever had.

It all happened in my highschool gym(which makes some sense). It was dark and their were people with weird voices surrounding three of us. There was also a mountain dew machine there in front of us. The leader of the group had horns and a raspy voice and was wondering if we would jump into the machine. He stated that it would change my life forever.

But suddenly I looked up and at the top of the bleachers there were these people. They were all dressed in white and there was a lot of light. I recognized them all becuase they all had deeply impacted my life for Christ. They watched but didn't say a word.

I hopped in the machine out of rebellion. It started spinning around and around and one of my good friends from high school was in it with me. It got darker and darker and suddenly there was an opening at the top so we all stuck our hands up and then the machine faded away. We were all surrounded by people cheering and sneering at us. We were in pitch darkness except for a red thin light that came from the side of the room. We were being tossed and turned and pushed and shoved through this large amount of bodies.

The light people were still watching from the top of the bleachers. Some of them were wandering to and fro.

And then suddenly the leader's raspy voice yelled out that we could never return.

Then I woke up. Any comments?

God's Love

This is what Im am about; God's love. The greatness of God is embodied by this idea in my life. The abudunce of God is instilled in me in this idea. Yet I have only tasted God's love on my lips a few times, those times, those moments, have shown me that God is tangible and real. That God is about love and loving people.

That God's reckless love started with Adam and Eve. He gave them free will. Free choice...the choice of understanding, and it ends with us through Jesus. God knew us and came to our level by creating love, by being love.

Jesus, the son of God. The understatement of God. The over statement of Humanity. The breath in my lungs the fire in my viens, the instrument of love the tool of adversity, the theory of understanding the misunderstood, and the clarity of the muck of humanity. Jesus has never been clearer to me and never been so misundstood.

I believe in this God who was so in love with me and with the people of this world that he gave me Jesus. The sacrifice of God to God. The rasom, the bounty, the paid price on my behalf.

That tortured souls may be set free, that hearts that are broken may be mended, that the strength of human kind may be lifted unto God, that polluted minds may be cleared.

I believe in a God who is love. Who, What, How, Why, When, -love. This is what my life strives to be. To be an ambassodor for Christ, to love when I can only breath, to live when I can only exist, to move when I can only lay, and to understand when all of my realizations have failed. To carry the cross for Christ as a torch, a flame, in a darkened world.

THIS-Love-JESUS- is why I live, is why I breath, is why I speak. I am a broken and flawed vessel but I hide my brokeness in my Lord. In my KING. So that I may take my mission and run to where I need to run, but return quickly so that I may bask in the presence of my king.

That I may bow down before the king and become only his so that I may dine with him at the table of the unkown and unheard. That I may be in HIM.

The Love of my life and the Savior of the known world.

the big hill

As I trucked up the hill for the first time I noticed some things; my noise hairs becoming frozed, the beating of my heart jumping up and down in my chest, and the hay barrels on the side of the hill so that one could not slip climbing up.

As I reached the top I looked at the surrounding area and as my eyes search the bottem of the hill I got a sense of hesitation. As the thoughts raced though my mind one came through loud and clear... You couLD GeT HuRT!

Then suddenly my friends had a great idea. We had three sleds. Two cylinder sleds and one two person sled. We created a train. We all held each others leg and since I was in the middle I figured I would be safe. We started sliding down and my eyes continued to open and close as we flew over the bumps in the hill.

And then suddenly I felt my leg run into something and then I was suddenly in the air. I finally hit the ground after it felt like hours, and I realized I couldn't move my leg. Being the usaully calm person I continued to remind myself to keep breathing and to wait for the pain to go away. After like seven minutes the pain slowly went down and I could get up and walk around. The pain being numbed away as I got into the car....

I always have a bad experience when I find myself involving a hill, snow and a sled/skis.

this song

So I usually never put songs on my blog cause I think it's just a little cheesy but I really liked this one....it kind of struck a chord.

i'm just so tired wont you sing me to sleep
and fly through my dreams
so i can hitch a ride with you tonight and get away from this place
have a new name and face i just aint the same without you in my life
late night drives, all alone in my car i can't help but start singing lines from all our favorite songs

and melodies in the air singin life just aint fair sometimes i still just can't believe you're gone
and im sure the view from heaven beats the hell out of mine here and if we all believe in heaven, maybe we'll make it through one more year down here

feel your fire,when its cold in my heart and things sorta start remindin' me of my last night with you i only need one more day just one more chance to say
i wish that i had gone up with you too

and i'm sure the view from heaven beats the hell out of mine here
and if we all believe in heaven maybe we'll make it through one more year
down here

you wont be comin' back and i didn't get to say goodbye i really wish i got to say goodbye

and im sure the view from heaven beats the hell out of mine here and if we all believe in heaven maybe we'll make it through one more year i hope that all is well in heaven cuz its all shot to hell down here

i hope that i find you in heaven cuz i'm so...lost without you down here you wont be coming back and i didn't get to say goodbye i really wish i got to say gooooodbye

taking risks

I settle to often and to much...In a lot of things, in relationships, in ministry, in my life, in my dreams.... I need to risk more. I need to leap more. I need to stop focusing on what takes me from good to great. I need to think of what is beyond great...

My roommate

My roommate tries to sufficate me during the night. She has been unsuccessful twice. And she also sings to me and acts like nothing is going on but I know what she is up to. She put a sign over my desk that has my name crossed out.

Suspicous?

I say yes

Let it Go

Let it Go...By T. D. Jakes

There are people who can, and will, walk away from you.And hear me when I tell you this!When people can walk away from you: let them walk.I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, lovingyou, calling you, caring about you,coming to see you, staying attached to you.I mean hang up the phone.When people can walk away from you let them walkYour destiny is never tied to anybody that left.The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifestthat they were not for us. For had they beenof us,no doubt they would have continued with us.
[1 John 2:19]People leave you because they are not joined to you.And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.Let them go.And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their partin the story is over. And you've got toknow when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep tryingto raise the dead.You've got to know when it's dead.You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got thegift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye.It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever Godmeans for me to have He'll give it to me.
And if it takes too much sweat Idon't need it.Stop begging people to stay. Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was neverintended for your life, then you need to......LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ......LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth.....LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you ........LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge......LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction......LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents...LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude.......LET IT GO!!!
If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......LET IT GO!!!
If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level inHim...LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship.......LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to helpthemselves......LET IT GO!!!

If you're fe! eling depressed and stressed .........LET IT GO!!!

If t here is a particular situation that you are so used to handlingyourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need to......LET IT GO!!!

Let the past be the past. Forget the former things.GOD is doing a new thing!!!

LET IT GO!!!Get Right or Get Left .. think about it, and then...LET IT GO!!!"The Battle is the Lord's!"

Christmas

Most of you know that it has come time for the Christmas season. I have been aware of this for the past three weeks becuase my roommate has been playing Christmas music in our room. Actually I woke up this morning to a boy band sing some Christmas carrol...UGH.

First of all lets get things strait. I don't like Christmas. I don't think I have ever liked Christmas. The only reason that Christmas was appealing to me as a kid was becuase of the cookies, candies, and the presents I recieved. Now I just don't care. Every year my mom asks me what I want for Christmas and every year I respond with "I don't need anything." Yet on Chrismas morning I walk out and I have presents.

Now you probably think that I don't like Christmas becuase our big bad world has changed Christmas into a selfish holiday. Actually I could care less. The Christians during Christmas are just as bad. A lot of them act like it's there holiday and they have one shot...if they don't get it right they have lost.

Things I don't like about Christmas:
CHRISTMAS MUSIC(this would probably bridge onto hatred)
Christmas cheer
Christmas parties
Christmas out fits(especially the ones with the bells)
The people who don't understand why I don't like Christmas

This is what happens to me during Christmas. I have this feeling that I have to give everyone something. It's like a game and Im sick of it. Im giving everyone except close close friends and faimily Christmas Cards this year. Don't get me wrong I like giving but I don't like the game of giving.

There are some things I do like about Christmas. I like the big trees when there all lit up. I like spending time with my best friends and trying to figure out what to get them. I like the only tradition my family has which is my brother, sister and I giving each other our presents on Christmas Eve. Which now that I think about it Christmas is all about giving for me. Weird.

Don't get me wrong Im not a full time grinch but if you catch me on the wrong day I may cause some Christmas chaos.

My life as an embarrassment

So I have discovered some things about my life.
First: Im constantley clumsly...I run into walls, tables, desks, peoples, doors, I also drop things constantley. Always throwing things around.
Second: My whole life is an embarrassment. Heres why-I consistently stick my foot in my mouth:

Let me write to you an example of the second statment:
I was sitting in my Principles of bible study today just spacing which I sometimes do. Right when I snapped back into reality my Prof said "Christians don't like to talk about sex" and in complete utter reaction I stated "I do" loud enough for the whole class to here. Now lets review the two previous statement...I run into things and I put my foot in my mouth. After I stated that I talk about sex my whole class started laughing which is the reaction that someone should get after a comment like that.

I suddenley became transparent in front of my whole class as one student pointed out and was know as "Well Alison was transparent" the rest of the class. HA

So if you have any embarrassing stories please leave it for everyone to see.
umm Again this kind of thing happens to me all the time.

Im over

I think I have officially ended this blog...

It has accomplished much more than it should have...

If you want to know about my life call me or write to me yourself you big sloth...

Good bye

Thanksgiving

Do you ever look forward to somthing so much that everything else can seem mundane in the moment?

This last week has been that for me. For two reasons. First I have been sick and I think that when one gets sick they become much more vulnerable than when thier healthy and energenic.

And B. I have yearned for home. Now if you know me...well...you know that home can get rough from time to time and it's not a place that I have ever yearned for, but it feels good when your surrounded by people who know you... Who know you so well that with one word or one sentece they can put you in your place. I have a brash personality and I am excited to be challenged.

I like a good challenge...I see it as an adventure. So if you ever want to challenge me and really make me think give it to me becuase most of the time I can meet that challenge, and sometimes I can even succeed it.

However there are always times when I will fail...I will promise you one thing...I may fail, yes, but I lived in the process. I may let you down but at least I had the oppurtunity to let you down.

Anyway...I'm also excited for the food. The good turkey and stuffing. MMMM.....so good. In essence Im looking forward to Thanksgiving. That is the thing that Im excited about....

Oh and don't eat yellow snow.

Heart Ache

My heart aches...
I feel like it's being ripped out of my chest peice by peice and my stomach is being place in my throat. Then after being ripped out of my chest being rubbed through the mud and thrown up on.

It's one of those days in which you just hope you can get through the day without breaking down and if you do break down hoping no one and yet everyone sees you.

There's a lot of cumilating things that have caused this heart ache. A lot of things I wish I could run from but in reality can't. Oh well. Just another one of the days of learning the hard way...

Questions

Some questions that have come to mind while going to school

1.) Can you still be wise in the way you live and obtain wisodom?
2.) Why do people name food items after animals or their feet?
3.) How could a just God want the Cannanites completley wiped out?
4.) How old is Doc Henderson...and is he old enough to have taught the disciples?
5.) Are you given the gift of the Holy Spirit through immersion or through the form of question?
6.) Why isn't Wal- Mart open 24 hours a day?
7.) Why does the train go by at twelve o'clock every night?
8.) Why does Jesus look like a women in the statue in from of the chapel?
9.) Who came up with "walk around the chapel three times and you'll be engaged"?
10.) Who actually cooks the cafeteria food? Where does it come from?
12.) How does my bed get made when I leave to go home and come back two days later?
13.) Are their little men working in the library?
14.) Why are we referred as little Christs? Are they making a short joke? Was Jesus short?
15.) How many books are actually in the library?

If you have any response to these quesitons please leave a comment.

Going Home

So I recently went home for a wedding and saw a lot of people from the highschool days. It's weird when you see people you havn't seen in three years.
It usually goes like this

Oh my Gosh how are you!!!

Good. how are you?

Good.

Akward silence...well I'll see you later.

ok bye good to see you!

Sometimes the conversations continue on but sometimes they start as soon as they end. It can be really great to see people you havn't seen in a while but life happens. Seeing my two best friends and spending a great amout of time with them is amazing. School seems to be forgotten and those involved in my school life. Don't get me wrong I love school, and my friends from school. It's just different. It's like you come back from a three or six month period with all the stories you have collected and then in the moment with the people you care about most you just seem to forget about them and you are so consumed in the moment that all you can think about is how you don't get to see these people everyday and how different life is now. It was so good seeing the people I hadn't seen in a long time but it also was very sad. Remembering the good times and the bad. The good decisions the bad and the wise. The hurt and the pain, and the laughter and joy. The memories that are so imbedded in an individual and the feelings that encompass them.

The past creates who we are the present defines our current status and the future does nothing for us except creates a sense of hope that some day we will be the person we were meant to be.

To the people who helped create me from my past...thankyou...to the people who are currently establishing me...thank you....for the people yet to come....thankyou.