"Use your words"

Every time my neice starts to throw a tauntrum or whine about something we always tell her to use her words. Words are valuable and vital and important. Words change lives.

So I'm going to use my words, because maybe if I right it out I will feel better. Or at least I will stop telling everyone 'I'm good.'

I'm having a bad day.

First- I don't understand how a community who holds community up so highly can go along their daily business like nothing has happened. Meetings here, coffee there. Like it just happens all the time. Now granted most of this community doesn't know the old community but there are still some. It's irritating to be in a place that does not grasp the gravity of death, or at least doesn't represent it well.

Second- I'm still in the angry mourning phase. I'm really angry, angry enough to hit someone. The first question to come to mind is Why? After everything has happend and after all the life that he lived why now and why in this way?

I'm trying to use my words but the burning anger won't be captured in the uselessness of them.

Well it has come again and will continue to come and I will get angrier and angrier every time it happens.

In this moment, I'm not good, I'm not happy, I'm angry and a little sad. I know the true sadness will come much later.

But first I am angry.