This morning I got overwhelmed with the reality that I feel like the church is faltering.I am reading a book and I just got this overwhelming feeling that it's all hopeless. Now I write this while knowing who Christ is. I write this while having collided with Christ on countless accounts.
He is the truth.
But there are days where my sin gets the best of me. Where I feel like I am swallowed up in my transgressions and in the hopelessness of this world. It's kind of like quick sand. I feel like I am reaching out to something that I can't really reach and my lungs are filling with sand.
On these days my soul aches and the darkness of the spiritual realm becomes overbearing. I don't want to get out of bed. I don't want to interact in community. I don't want to live. I want to be what I feel. I want to let the darkness erode my being along with my soul. The hardest part of this process is the people that I am surrounded with. I try to communicate what I am going through and laughter precedes it because I am being over dramatic or unrealistic. When I get laughed at I pull back fast and I walk away and feel misunderstood. Sometimes the deepness of the spiritual warfare cannot be explained but needs to just be, and hopefully you will get through it. This spiritual warfare should be addressed communally but when your community finds you fantastical either because they are afraid of having these conversations or they simply just do not believe you, it's hard to be transparent.
I want to stick my head in the sand like an ostrich and let the world pass me by, but I know that I need to sit up and put my feet on the ground. I need to go through the day even when the day seems to allude my senses. I can no longer become lost in the opinions of what the Christians and the non Christians all push and pull around on their bandwagons.
So I will grapple for the truth as I sit here and combat the spiritual darkness that pierces every pore of my body.
It's one life that defeated the darkness and that life is the life that I find my identity and dive into.
1 comment:
Hey there! Sorry to hear you're discouraged...guess you can't just get a bag of oreo's and milk and sit around in bed and eat a whole pack eh??? oh well it's a thought...
actually there is that "whole armor of Christ" idea in the letters of Paul to the Ephesians (ephesians 6:10-18, with emphasis on verse 11.."for our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms" (NIV)
Sounds like that's what you're coming against...
love
dad
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