Lost and Dry.

My soul is really dry.

Actually I don't really feel my soul.

Eugene Peterson finds that the Hebrew word for soul is actually a metaphor for neck. It is the part of the body that connects the mind with the rest of the body. It is the part of the body that brings the air from the mouth into the lungs.

That kind of soul seems to be missing. I guess I could easily give a plethora of reasons for it but I can't pin point one down.

I have often been in the dry desolate desert but I have never felt absolutely lost before. This feeling leaves me grasping for something.

It's like I was thrown out into the desert and I so long for someone to come and give me some direction. I came to Bible College clothed in a specific plan which has been ripped away and thrown in the fire. So I find myself where Adam and Eve found themselves. Completely vulnerable in a place that is absolutely terrifying.

A place that leaves my soul in a state of alarm. I am asking questions that I have never fully grappled with.

I was reading Hosea last week and God was talking to the Israelites and describing their adulterous behavior. But later on it says that God tenderly speaks to them and brings them back to Himself.

That image is literally burned in my mind. That tenderness in God's character is something that I so long to encounter. Collision is out of the question. If I collide with anything I will fall very far and very fast into something that I don't know I will ever crawl out of.

I need the tenderness of God's voice to echo into my soul. That living water would sure taste good right about now. I need to be refreshed and revitalized.

So I go on knowing that God is good. That Christ is alive. That the Holy Spirit is active. I trust that God is working in the details.

I trust that there is light somewhere and that I will eventually get to see it again.

Father let your light shine down on me,
Father let your light shine down on me,
No matter what the day or night may bring,
Father let your light shine down on me.

Oh Jesus you became
What was my deepest shame
That at your very name
My calloused heart would change.

How could you perfect one
Love me when I have done
Nothing that's worthy of
My freedom you have one.

Oh wonderful love, you died for me
A power of you life is in me.

Father let your light shine down on me
Father let your light shine down on me
No matter what the day or night may bring
Father let your light shine down on me

Open up the Heavens
Pour on down your spirit"