Something to say and someone to say it to.

I have really nothing to say. I am actually dry as a bone. I have written something about the game scrabble and defined more categories as a good modernist should but it doesn't seem to be worth any thing.

There has been a strange shift in my reality lately and I have a hard time dealing with it. I have found someone who wants to love and serve me selflessly. I have found someone who truly means the world to me and I have never been accustomed to that. I have always been the lone ranger, or the bitter romantic who knew that she was never going to have the "happy ever after" simply because she never had the "once upon a time" I look back on my life and have come to a realization.

As most of you know I used to scorn romantic relationships. I had no fervor for the romantic and I considered it a waste of time. But I secretly struggled with it, because I felt like it was never going to happen. It was a weird sword fight of wanting something holy and rejecting the whole idea. I guess I figured the goodness that I was looking for was never going to happen so I shoved it away and covered it up with the logic of faith and the reason of love. The problem with my sealed solution is that it logically and reasonably couldn't function.

I actually remember hearing a couple on campus use an analogy for relationships. They said that if you and the person next to you are running toward the Lord together you know you are supposed to be together. I walked away and I came up with my own analogy. I figured if you are running toward the Lord and the other person is running toward the Lord and the three of you collide that is when you know, and I have carried that around with me for three years.

I didn't want something mediocre. I didn't want something to pass the time. I had no desire of getting into a relationship and getting married and settling down and being the quaint house wife that cooks dinner. I am not a cook in the first place and I certainly am not quaint by any means. So I figured I would chuck the whole thing out the window and become content with being single and living a life that was determined on following God. I came to that point three months ago. I was determined to go to school and follow the Holy Spirit around like a love sick puppy dog.

And I did, the problem is that He led me into a relationship that I was apparently fully ready for but was certainly not prepared for. And so I found myself in a place with a man named Waylon Lawrence whom I had known briefly the year before but had not passed much time with. The thing about Waylon is that he was content with God too. He wasn't looking for anything out of the ordinary and then we seemed to stumble into each other and fall into God's ultimate power, which suits us because we are both fully clumsy individuals.

Waylon has become the love of my life. I would try to explain it but it would seem superfluous and silly. I would sound like a child using words that I can't grasp nor fully understand. And so I will just say that he is my beloved and that I would proclaim it to anyone, anywhere, and at any time of the day.

And the best part is that I haven't stopped following the Holy Spirit. Now I just get to do it in an even better way because Waylon catches things that I don't, and sees things that I can't see. Lucas posted a comment that if you want to do great things for God remain single and if you want to know God get married and have a family.

Well I am saying I am going to do great things for God with Waylon because God is great and his greatness will shine through.

Like I said, not much to say simply because what I am going through I can not fully explain using words. They just don't seem to matter or make any sense at this point. Maybe I will get my words back some day I will be able to explain it but I'm not banking on it.