Unwanted Life

Waylon and I went to the mall this weekend. And we ended up going to the Decatur mall, which has a good few stores, but one of my favorite stores to go to is the pet store. Yes the mall has a pet store. And so every time Waylon and I go to this mall we always end up going to see the puppies. We have come very close to actually buying a puppy a few times.

The reason why I love this store is because I love dogs. I love playing with dogs and snuggling with dogs and just being around them. But it seems that more and more that I visit this store I walk away more sad. Simply because there is so much unwanted life in this world.

It's interesting how we glorify death. How we watch it on the movie screen, how we read about it in the newspaper and in our favorite novels, how we scatter it all over our lives. We tend to believe that the only best movies have a death scene of some kind, whether it involves explosions or shooting or the last breath of someone of old age it seems to be the only way that a movie seems to be good, or real, or deep.

While we are so obsessed with this reality of death we seem to reject the unwanted life that is all around us. The fascinating thing is that we are such an individualistic society that we easily say, "Everyone for themselves." So we build walls out of sarcasm, cynicism, pride, intelligence, anger, or even our ability to be the victim for everyone else. We build these walls so that we can keep people out. We build these walls with the mortar of self and the brick of pride so that the life that is around us can not get in through the cracks.

Then when death strikes we build windows in our walls and we view the person as an exaggerated version of themselves. We dress them up or dress them down and throw them against the cruxifiction of introspection in our own lives. We are like the way we are because they did this or didn't do that. But we wouldn't ever try and approach them while they were living.

We would never tell them how we really feel why they were sitting next to us at dinner on Tuesday night.

Just like we don't talk about that relative who has a bastard child, because it would just cost to much. It would cost too much to tear that wall down. Or we don't try and get involved with our neighbor who just got a divorce because her husband was having an affair. It's just easier to hear about it from everyone else. Maybe even that regretted one night stand that has left us with the decision whether or not to keep the baby. We get lost in the words and the seemingly cheap whore that is represented as our relationship with people.

All this unwanted life seems to seep through sometimes doesn't it? This unwanted life that we have tried so hard to avoid our whole entire life. But, what if we are missing the point? What if instead of glorifying death we start glorifying life? What would happen if we didn't look forward for the hero to bust a cap in the bad guy, but instead we watched for the simple life that deepens these characters.

Yes, I know death is inevitable. But why wait to start grasping at the life around you after death has sunk in?

8th Grade Assembly

"A tree gives glory to God by being a tree. For in being what God means it to be it is obeying Him." T. Merton

Do you ever remember having junior high assemblies? Where they got everyone in the stuffy, hot gym together and made you sit really really close to the person next to you. Then they told you through dramatic skits and colorful clothing that the best person you can be is yourself. Did anyone else leave middle school with these haunted memories or is it just me?

Well I haven't heard a "Just be yourself" speech in a long time, but about a month ago I stumbled through a book called New Seeds of Contemplation, by Thomas Merton, and I found myself reading a "Just be yourself" speech. But it seemed to be less arbitrary from his point of view. He states that we are called to make a decision in our human state. This decision that T. Merton is writing about stems from the beginning of time. It is the decision of whether or not we are going to live out our lives in our created state or whether we are going to take a stick of dynamite to ourselves and face death. The decision of whether or not we are going to find our created being in our creator or if we are going to find our created being in something created.

This decision does not just impact our selves, like we often like to think, but it impacts the whole community. Many times we think that the self that we project upon other people or the self that we see in the mirror is either not good enough to be presented to the creator or is to good to be bothered with such trivial things like service.

When we have come to either of those conclusions we then set our eyes on the aesthetic lifestyle. We try and find our security in the things that seem to bide of our attention. We cling to our families, our lovers, our friends, our money, our pride, our selfish deprecation, even our theology. We create sand-built castles out of these things but when a storm comes the walls that are trying to protect our true selves become eroded. They get washed away in the senseless violence of death in the world.

This is all a side effect of trying to run away from just being ourselves. See, we aren't created in the waters of sin. We are created in the image of God. If we are created as 'sinners' then we cannot also be created in the image of God, because those two realities cannot exist together. They can sit side by side and be in existence but they cannot be intertwined.

So when we are asked to "Just be ourselves" in the essence of the kingdom of God we are asked to find our identity in that kingdom as children of God. This identity is not just a role that we play but is the redeemed person. We are called to be the child of God individually but also in community.

When we become to good for the community around us, and our created being finds identity in our pretentious piety we become again lost in the idol worship that swirled around the Israelites and that swirl around us.

The question remains; are you going to be yourself reflected in our creator? Or are you going to be marked and identified by your sin?

Trees, William Carlos Williams

Crooked, black tree

on your grey-black hillock,

ridiculously raised one step toward

the infinite summits of the night:

even you the few grey stars

draw upward into a vague melody

of harsh threads

But as you are from straining

against the bitter horizontals of

a north wind, - there below you

how easily the long yellow notes

of poplars flow upward in a descending

scale, each not secure in its own

posture -singularly woven.

All voices are blent willingly

against the heaving contra-bass

of the dark but you alone

warp yourself passionately to one side

in your eagerness.

Life of Bees

"The world will give you [a pure relief] once in a while, a brief timeout; the boxing bell rings and you go to your corner, where someonebody dabs mercy on your beat-up life." pg. 82