Love songs suck

So I have recently come to the conclusion that love songs suck.
I will tell you why;

Love songs put ideas in girls heads. They listen to the love song and fantazise about their boyfriends, their weddings, how their going to live the rest of their lives in merry matromony.

So after a period of listening to these loves songs they become adhearatly obssessed with love. They talk to their friends about it and if they have a boyfriend they suddenly want the relationship to move to the next level= Saying those three little words.

After these individuals have accomplished this task they continue to listen to these loves songs and then they move the relationship to an even closer level until finally they are engaged and have set a date.

Which happens that the friends they used to talk about love to now are sounding boards to everything going on in the relationship and the wedding. Which being always a friend pushes the level of really wanting to get rid of the girl that is getting married because one knows that there is more to life than just marriage and spelling corrections. The friend of the bride is patient and decides not to terminate the relationship becuase they have been friends for a long time.

Well in the end the bride gets married moves and never talks to the friends she used to have or live out any of her goals.

This is the end result of love songs. They should all be banned and taken off the radio.

Another weird dream

So this dream happened to me last night and was probably the most symbolistic weird dreams I have ever had.

It all happened in my highschool gym(which makes some sense). It was dark and their were people with weird voices surrounding three of us. There was also a mountain dew machine there in front of us. The leader of the group had horns and a raspy voice and was wondering if we would jump into the machine. He stated that it would change my life forever.

But suddenly I looked up and at the top of the bleachers there were these people. They were all dressed in white and there was a lot of light. I recognized them all becuase they all had deeply impacted my life for Christ. They watched but didn't say a word.

I hopped in the machine out of rebellion. It started spinning around and around and one of my good friends from high school was in it with me. It got darker and darker and suddenly there was an opening at the top so we all stuck our hands up and then the machine faded away. We were all surrounded by people cheering and sneering at us. We were in pitch darkness except for a red thin light that came from the side of the room. We were being tossed and turned and pushed and shoved through this large amount of bodies.

The light people were still watching from the top of the bleachers. Some of them were wandering to and fro.

And then suddenly the leader's raspy voice yelled out that we could never return.

Then I woke up. Any comments?

God's Love

This is what Im am about; God's love. The greatness of God is embodied by this idea in my life. The abudunce of God is instilled in me in this idea. Yet I have only tasted God's love on my lips a few times, those times, those moments, have shown me that God is tangible and real. That God is about love and loving people.

That God's reckless love started with Adam and Eve. He gave them free will. Free choice...the choice of understanding, and it ends with us through Jesus. God knew us and came to our level by creating love, by being love.

Jesus, the son of God. The understatement of God. The over statement of Humanity. The breath in my lungs the fire in my viens, the instrument of love the tool of adversity, the theory of understanding the misunderstood, and the clarity of the muck of humanity. Jesus has never been clearer to me and never been so misundstood.

I believe in this God who was so in love with me and with the people of this world that he gave me Jesus. The sacrifice of God to God. The rasom, the bounty, the paid price on my behalf.

That tortured souls may be set free, that hearts that are broken may be mended, that the strength of human kind may be lifted unto God, that polluted minds may be cleared.

I believe in a God who is love. Who, What, How, Why, When, -love. This is what my life strives to be. To be an ambassodor for Christ, to love when I can only breath, to live when I can only exist, to move when I can only lay, and to understand when all of my realizations have failed. To carry the cross for Christ as a torch, a flame, in a darkened world.

THIS-Love-JESUS- is why I live, is why I breath, is why I speak. I am a broken and flawed vessel but I hide my brokeness in my Lord. In my KING. So that I may take my mission and run to where I need to run, but return quickly so that I may bask in the presence of my king.

That I may bow down before the king and become only his so that I may dine with him at the table of the unkown and unheard. That I may be in HIM.

The Love of my life and the Savior of the known world.

the big hill

As I trucked up the hill for the first time I noticed some things; my noise hairs becoming frozed, the beating of my heart jumping up and down in my chest, and the hay barrels on the side of the hill so that one could not slip climbing up.

As I reached the top I looked at the surrounding area and as my eyes search the bottem of the hill I got a sense of hesitation. As the thoughts raced though my mind one came through loud and clear... You couLD GeT HuRT!

Then suddenly my friends had a great idea. We had three sleds. Two cylinder sleds and one two person sled. We created a train. We all held each others leg and since I was in the middle I figured I would be safe. We started sliding down and my eyes continued to open and close as we flew over the bumps in the hill.

And then suddenly I felt my leg run into something and then I was suddenly in the air. I finally hit the ground after it felt like hours, and I realized I couldn't move my leg. Being the usaully calm person I continued to remind myself to keep breathing and to wait for the pain to go away. After like seven minutes the pain slowly went down and I could get up and walk around. The pain being numbed away as I got into the car....

I always have a bad experience when I find myself involving a hill, snow and a sled/skis.

this song

So I usually never put songs on my blog cause I think it's just a little cheesy but I really liked this one....it kind of struck a chord.

i'm just so tired wont you sing me to sleep
and fly through my dreams
so i can hitch a ride with you tonight and get away from this place
have a new name and face i just aint the same without you in my life
late night drives, all alone in my car i can't help but start singing lines from all our favorite songs

and melodies in the air singin life just aint fair sometimes i still just can't believe you're gone
and im sure the view from heaven beats the hell out of mine here and if we all believe in heaven, maybe we'll make it through one more year down here

feel your fire,when its cold in my heart and things sorta start remindin' me of my last night with you i only need one more day just one more chance to say
i wish that i had gone up with you too

and i'm sure the view from heaven beats the hell out of mine here
and if we all believe in heaven maybe we'll make it through one more year
down here

you wont be comin' back and i didn't get to say goodbye i really wish i got to say goodbye

and im sure the view from heaven beats the hell out of mine here and if we all believe in heaven maybe we'll make it through one more year i hope that all is well in heaven cuz its all shot to hell down here

i hope that i find you in heaven cuz i'm so...lost without you down here you wont be coming back and i didn't get to say goodbye i really wish i got to say gooooodbye

taking risks

I settle to often and to much...In a lot of things, in relationships, in ministry, in my life, in my dreams.... I need to risk more. I need to leap more. I need to stop focusing on what takes me from good to great. I need to think of what is beyond great...

My roommate

My roommate tries to sufficate me during the night. She has been unsuccessful twice. And she also sings to me and acts like nothing is going on but I know what she is up to. She put a sign over my desk that has my name crossed out.

Suspicous?

I say yes

Let it Go

Let it Go...By T. D. Jakes

There are people who can, and will, walk away from you.And hear me when I tell you this!When people can walk away from you: let them walk.I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, lovingyou, calling you, caring about you,coming to see you, staying attached to you.I mean hang up the phone.When people can walk away from you let them walkYour destiny is never tied to anybody that left.The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifestthat they were not for us. For had they beenof us,no doubt they would have continued with us.
[1 John 2:19]People leave you because they are not joined to you.And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay.Let them go.And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their partin the story is over. And you've got toknow when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep tryingto raise the dead.You've got to know when it's dead.You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got thegift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye.It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever Godmeans for me to have He'll give it to me.
And if it takes too much sweat Idon't need it.Stop begging people to stay. Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was neverintended for your life, then you need to......LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ......LET IT GO!!!

If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth.....LET IT GO!!!

If someone has angered you ........LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge......LET IT GO!!!

If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction......LET IT GO!!!

If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents...LET IT GO!!!

If you have a bad attitude.......LET IT GO!!!
If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......LET IT GO!!!
If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level inHim...LET IT GO!!!

If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship.......LET IT GO!!!

If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to helpthemselves......LET IT GO!!!

If you're fe! eling depressed and stressed .........LET IT GO!!!

If t here is a particular situation that you are so used to handlingyourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need to......LET IT GO!!!

Let the past be the past. Forget the former things.GOD is doing a new thing!!!

LET IT GO!!!Get Right or Get Left .. think about it, and then...LET IT GO!!!"The Battle is the Lord's!"

Christmas

Most of you know that it has come time for the Christmas season. I have been aware of this for the past three weeks becuase my roommate has been playing Christmas music in our room. Actually I woke up this morning to a boy band sing some Christmas carrol...UGH.

First of all lets get things strait. I don't like Christmas. I don't think I have ever liked Christmas. The only reason that Christmas was appealing to me as a kid was becuase of the cookies, candies, and the presents I recieved. Now I just don't care. Every year my mom asks me what I want for Christmas and every year I respond with "I don't need anything." Yet on Chrismas morning I walk out and I have presents.

Now you probably think that I don't like Christmas becuase our big bad world has changed Christmas into a selfish holiday. Actually I could care less. The Christians during Christmas are just as bad. A lot of them act like it's there holiday and they have one shot...if they don't get it right they have lost.

Things I don't like about Christmas:
CHRISTMAS MUSIC(this would probably bridge onto hatred)
Christmas cheer
Christmas parties
Christmas out fits(especially the ones with the bells)
The people who don't understand why I don't like Christmas

This is what happens to me during Christmas. I have this feeling that I have to give everyone something. It's like a game and Im sick of it. Im giving everyone except close close friends and faimily Christmas Cards this year. Don't get me wrong I like giving but I don't like the game of giving.

There are some things I do like about Christmas. I like the big trees when there all lit up. I like spending time with my best friends and trying to figure out what to get them. I like the only tradition my family has which is my brother, sister and I giving each other our presents on Christmas Eve. Which now that I think about it Christmas is all about giving for me. Weird.

Don't get me wrong Im not a full time grinch but if you catch me on the wrong day I may cause some Christmas chaos.

My life as an embarrassment

So I have discovered some things about my life.
First: Im constantley clumsly...I run into walls, tables, desks, peoples, doors, I also drop things constantley. Always throwing things around.
Second: My whole life is an embarrassment. Heres why-I consistently stick my foot in my mouth:

Let me write to you an example of the second statment:
I was sitting in my Principles of bible study today just spacing which I sometimes do. Right when I snapped back into reality my Prof said "Christians don't like to talk about sex" and in complete utter reaction I stated "I do" loud enough for the whole class to here. Now lets review the two previous statement...I run into things and I put my foot in my mouth. After I stated that I talk about sex my whole class started laughing which is the reaction that someone should get after a comment like that.

I suddenley became transparent in front of my whole class as one student pointed out and was know as "Well Alison was transparent" the rest of the class. HA

So if you have any embarrassing stories please leave it for everyone to see.
umm Again this kind of thing happens to me all the time.

Im over

I think I have officially ended this blog...

It has accomplished much more than it should have...

If you want to know about my life call me or write to me yourself you big sloth...

Good bye

Thanksgiving

Do you ever look forward to somthing so much that everything else can seem mundane in the moment?

This last week has been that for me. For two reasons. First I have been sick and I think that when one gets sick they become much more vulnerable than when thier healthy and energenic.

And B. I have yearned for home. Now if you know me...well...you know that home can get rough from time to time and it's not a place that I have ever yearned for, but it feels good when your surrounded by people who know you... Who know you so well that with one word or one sentece they can put you in your place. I have a brash personality and I am excited to be challenged.

I like a good challenge...I see it as an adventure. So if you ever want to challenge me and really make me think give it to me becuase most of the time I can meet that challenge, and sometimes I can even succeed it.

However there are always times when I will fail...I will promise you one thing...I may fail, yes, but I lived in the process. I may let you down but at least I had the oppurtunity to let you down.

Anyway...I'm also excited for the food. The good turkey and stuffing. MMMM.....so good. In essence Im looking forward to Thanksgiving. That is the thing that Im excited about....

Oh and don't eat yellow snow.

Heart Ache

My heart aches...
I feel like it's being ripped out of my chest peice by peice and my stomach is being place in my throat. Then after being ripped out of my chest being rubbed through the mud and thrown up on.

It's one of those days in which you just hope you can get through the day without breaking down and if you do break down hoping no one and yet everyone sees you.

There's a lot of cumilating things that have caused this heart ache. A lot of things I wish I could run from but in reality can't. Oh well. Just another one of the days of learning the hard way...

Questions

Some questions that have come to mind while going to school

1.) Can you still be wise in the way you live and obtain wisodom?
2.) Why do people name food items after animals or their feet?
3.) How could a just God want the Cannanites completley wiped out?
4.) How old is Doc Henderson...and is he old enough to have taught the disciples?
5.) Are you given the gift of the Holy Spirit through immersion or through the form of question?
6.) Why isn't Wal- Mart open 24 hours a day?
7.) Why does the train go by at twelve o'clock every night?
8.) Why does Jesus look like a women in the statue in from of the chapel?
9.) Who came up with "walk around the chapel three times and you'll be engaged"?
10.) Who actually cooks the cafeteria food? Where does it come from?
12.) How does my bed get made when I leave to go home and come back two days later?
13.) Are their little men working in the library?
14.) Why are we referred as little Christs? Are they making a short joke? Was Jesus short?
15.) How many books are actually in the library?

If you have any response to these quesitons please leave a comment.

Going Home

So I recently went home for a wedding and saw a lot of people from the highschool days. It's weird when you see people you havn't seen in three years.
It usually goes like this

Oh my Gosh how are you!!!

Good. how are you?

Good.

Akward silence...well I'll see you later.

ok bye good to see you!

Sometimes the conversations continue on but sometimes they start as soon as they end. It can be really great to see people you havn't seen in a while but life happens. Seeing my two best friends and spending a great amout of time with them is amazing. School seems to be forgotten and those involved in my school life. Don't get me wrong I love school, and my friends from school. It's just different. It's like you come back from a three or six month period with all the stories you have collected and then in the moment with the people you care about most you just seem to forget about them and you are so consumed in the moment that all you can think about is how you don't get to see these people everyday and how different life is now. It was so good seeing the people I hadn't seen in a long time but it also was very sad. Remembering the good times and the bad. The good decisions the bad and the wise. The hurt and the pain, and the laughter and joy. The memories that are so imbedded in an individual and the feelings that encompass them.

The past creates who we are the present defines our current status and the future does nothing for us except creates a sense of hope that some day we will be the person we were meant to be.

To the people who helped create me from my past...thankyou...to the people who are currently establishing me...thank you....for the people yet to come....thankyou.

Wal-Mart

So there's not much to do here in Lincoln. But there is a Wal-Mart. And I found these things to do while being in the Wal-Mart besides shopping of course...
15 Thangs to do while in Wal-Mart
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they aren't looking.

2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares.... and see what happens.

5. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti- depressants are.

11. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

15. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while; and, then, yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here! '

If you plan to do any for these things I would like to know what your expereince was like.

Hoe-down

My dream was completed last night as I dressed in flannel and did an allaman left.

Yes that's right I attended my first hoe-down. Now I know most of you are very skeptical as I was but when I walked in I heard the famous words I heard in highschool. Line up against the wall. These words marked my freshman year with anguish and fear, becuase I was a intimated girl in an akward time but this time instead of ending up with someone gross with clammy hands I took control of the situation and ended up with one of my good friends.

When we started dancing we kept messing up which is just a funny thing but all in all I had a good time. Then we line danced. For those of you who don't know what this term means it is where many people stand in a line and follow the instructor to do certain steps. Also a good ole time.

But last but certainley not least was the circle dance. Now that is not the real name for this dance but we definitley were in a circle so I have renamed it. We all stood in a circle and was with our partner and then we moved. We switched partners. Now if you don't know what this means its this... I got to dance with every boy there. Actually it was a great way to meet new people. Plus I love to dance.

So all in all it was a great night full of flannels, lemonades, mess ups, and get downs.

Who are you?

Are you a church or a synagouge?

My neigbors

So here is who I live near and their descriptions.

There is my roommate. Who's name is Chatterson. She is a crazy old Quaker but that is not why her name is Chatterson. Her uncle is the Quaker oatmeal man and she is honest and dependable. She has a love relationship with Aim. They are married. She also has a funny laugh like that of a lion.

Then there are my two neighbors; Betty Crocker aka the Croc, and the Swan. The "Croc" is a aggresive, demanding individual who likes to get angry and flip things over. She bakes brownies and puts poison in her brownies and served them to some crazy homeless. Then there is the Swan. She squaks excitledly like a Swan and is very fun. She carries a recording device around and loves to laugh. Sometimes she comes into my room and does a funny little dance.

And last but not least there is the Highness. No one listens to her. She is very angry all the time and she refuses hugs. She grew up in bush and eats berrys and multigrains. She also plays with basket balls and is from the eighties arobics and she is friends with Richard Simmons, who is also her secreat lover.

Here are the brillant people I am around and love immensley, these are the people I call friends.

Carni Bandits

So we lost the chamionship game...disappointing...yes.

But in other news my laptop broke. Which sucks becuase now I actually have to buy something that works. Big pain in the butt. See I am a cheapskate. I don't buy much for myself becuase I can live off very little.

But now I have to eventually buy a computer. So here's how Im gonna do it.

I am going to find a group of bandits to rope into my sceme. These bandits of course will be rodeo carnis, they may have small hands, but they have slinty eyes and they are good disguisers.

So these carnies and I are going to start a traveling pants band. Which involves wearing pants on your head and playing the bango while dancing around in circles. While my carni bandits do this incestous act I will be flying from the ceiling and spreading the smell of cinnomin around. It's proven that if you spread cinnomin around your selling pitch your audience will stick around longer and eventually spend money.

So they will give my bandit group money enough to provide for their needs, such as food and pants. They will not need shelter becuase they all live in that little carni car.

If this does not succeed I will probabley get a part time job to cover my expenses...but that's always the last resort.

Facing the wall

As we lined up on the field I stared into the face of death...

Yes it was Lincoln's annual powderpuff football games. It was our first game and I had been playing center for offense and defense(I know there is another name for the defense but I forgot it.)

But lets take a flashback to a half an hour before the game. We gathered with our team and we were discussing a certain football player on the other team. I felt confident enough becuase I was center I wouldn't have to face her...

We line up to defend our turf and who is the center on the other side. The wall. Everytime I blocked her for the first couple times I would fly back two feet. Then she got mean. I would block her the first two times and then I would turn around, she would continue to block my back. If you don't know much about girls, they can play mean and nasty. I'll take a 300 pound man over a girl any day.

Iv'e played football since sixth grade with boys even and I have never felt the fear I felt that day. Everytime we bent down I prayed that God would forgive me of my sins becuase I never knew if this would be the last time. I survived barely and we won our first game.

We started our second game against another wing, I was shaking. The hits had taken a toll on my muscles...

Were playing in the championship today.
We'll see if any one breaks anything...

I got up this morning...actually I held on to my buck and pulled myself up. My whole right arm is completley bruised. I have never felt like that after a game.
Any close to death experiences?

2005

You know you're living in 2005 when.. ... ...... ............

1) you accidentally enter your password on a microwave




2) you haven't played solitaire with real cards in years





3) thE reaL reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they don't have a screen name





4) you'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing to button on the tv.




6) your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.







7) you read this list, & keep nodding and smiling















8) as you read this list, you think about sending it to all your friends













9) and.. you were to busy to notice number 5.









10) you actually scrolled back up to check that there was no 5











11) & now you're laughing at your stupidity

one of those days

Today was one of those days...

I realized I am poor...

I realized I am going to be poor for a long time...

I realized that I can contain a lot of information(thank you intro to bible test)...

I realized that trust comes through hard times...

I realized that you should do your work becuase there will usually be a suprise at the end of your day...

Today was one of those days that you want to crawl into the fetal postion, turn the lights off, and cry yourself to sleep...

To forget everything that surrounds you...all your work...all your relationships...all the good things...all the bad... and sleep the night away so the next day you can have a clear head about the decisions you need to make. You can be wise in situations and not impulsivley rush.

Today was one of those days...

Eating my words

Isn't a mess when you declare somthing and God declates something else.

Like say you won't ever work some where and God sends you there.

Or you won't date and you date(just an example).

Or you won't do the major that God just is calling you to do.

I have learned that I'm very bold when it comes to declaring things and a lot of the times I have to eat my words take my foot out of my mouth and do what God tells me.

Im just thankful that I do it a lot so that I can get over my shame quickley.

Past Pains

So I have discovered pain never really goes away.
I knew that before but today has pushed that fact again.

The death of loves, the relational strains, the unknowable answers of "what could of happened", the uncomforties of tragedy, the many consequences of bad decisions made in rushed moments, the understanding that past pain will lessen day by day but will always be there.

Greif is to big to diminish and sorrow is to great to overcome in a mortal and finite body.

What to do with these pains when they scab over and then are ripped open again?

Weep for the moment and then get up and start all over again.

That is how you understand and deal with the past.

Then approach everyone else in love so the past will never have to repeat itself in the same context.

Finished

So I finished my book. It was good and only took me two days.
All in all it's been a good week. Im totally Acing my principles of bible study. Pretty exciting.
I love you all
thats all I have to say.

New Book

So I went home this last weekend for my best friend's wedding which was Awesome. I was her maid of honor and it was just really cool.
But Sunday I hung out with Nick and Lisa and they took me out to lunch becuase they are Awesome and then we went to the Sam's Club of Christian book stores, Berean.
Nick bought me the newest hippest book on the market.
Rob Bell's Velvet Elvis. If you have not heard it your out of the system becuase apparantly its really big.

And some of you may be shocked to read that I am already in the middle of the second chapter. I love it.

So Rob Bell states in his first chapter that the springs in a trampoline are like our christian doctrines. Their not the main point but they help get us in the air. Very simple but very in depth.

Let's face it... only Rob Bell can use a trampoline to compare to the Christian faith.

Anyways Thanks.

Death Stands above me

Death stands above me, whispering low
I know not what into my ear:
Of this strange language all I know
Is, there is not a word of fear.

Walter Savage Landar
(1775-1864)

Roman baths

Yesterday I learned something about Roman baths.
The way they cleaned themselves was they pust oil on along blade and they had someone scrape it across their back. Not only did the dirt come off but also parts of the skin. Fun huh? The reason for this is becuase soap wasn't invented until centuries later.

I probabley wouln't ever be clean.

would you?

A Day in Lincoln

So today was very exciting!
In Lincoln there was a art fair, a whine expedition and a flea market. Two of those three are things that I love to do.

It actually all started out with my next door neighbor, wanting to go to a forest perserve. She researched where the park was located and we were going to start off on our adventure into the world of Lincoln. So we all piled into our friend's van and started off to the park. We made a quick detour to the train station and then ended up at the art fair instead. I bought a swiss army knife(for camping purposes) and then we went to the McDonalds in town to get some ice cream.

All in all it was a very eveantful day for us because we rarely ever get off campus. Tomorrow I'm trying out a new church. I'm very excited!!!!!

That's all to say here. Good by and good luck. Did you do anything eveantful today?

Bible college

Things Iv'e learned from Bible college:
1.) Expect everyone to be a christian the first week.
2.)Every girl is either in these three catagories, dating, engaged, or desperatley wanting to date(except for a chosen few, including myself, who would not care if we dated or not).
3.)No one thinks for themselves, this is a very important lesson to learn.
4.)Don't off-handedley suggest that you arn't sure what the heaven and hell themes are.
5.)THere is nothing to do in Lincoln.

I have a hard time hearing God in this place. Everything is soooo.... Christian. The talk, the music, the reading. Everything but the life right now. I would like to see this place full of humanity isteand of just full of divinity. It's much easier to talk about God rather than to know his presence and walk with him on a daily basis. It's much eaiser to see him in a place of stagnant growth than it is to see him in a place that is supposed to be known for abundantly growing.

Have you ever wondered why girls are so fascinated with getting hitched. Come to a bible college and you will find the answers. But that is for another blogging date.

1.)Tuition: 10,000 dollars
2.)gas money: 50 dollars
3.) laundery: 1.75$
The chance to see the Christian world at it's best: Priceless

False words

Iv'e developed a new pet peeve.

When someone either precieves what I'm saying or just makes a whole conversation up in their head and have decided to tag my name onto the whole situation. I just found out that I had a conversation that I never had and I said something detremential to someone that I never said. Instead of this person coming to me and fixing the situation this person is going around and telling different people about these things that I didn't say and things that I didn't do.

It's so frustrating to here someone using my words, or lack of to say things that are not right and are not truth.

I guesse that will happen occasionally in a community of sin. A power struggle, unfortunetley.

Like Sheep

Iv'e discovered that there are certain people that will be followers and leaders. It sounds simple and already discovered but, I have a problem, I have a prideful demeniar that makes me sound like I know what I'm talking about. It also may aquire that we were just talking about Sheperding in small group and a lot of people are like sheep.

It really has everything to do with the fact that I'm opininated. It gets me in trouble sometimes though. But really why do people listen to me. I clearly have no idea what I'm talking about. I'm declaring that I really don't know anything yet people come back for advice.
For example Iv'e been serving in my recent student ministry for the past couple of years and people think that I know much more about ministry than I do.
It astounds me the conversations I have with people who don't realize I don't know what I'm talking about. I'm all opinion.
I think it also has something to do with my confidence level. I'm out spoken about things even though in my mind I really am saying "STOP Talking!" I seem to be knowledgable about things and sound smart becuase I have a semi-decent vocabulary that people just nod their heads and agree like I have some sort of right to say what I say.

Poposterous. Sometimes I just want to say something completley out of character so maybe someone will get the clue that I know just as much as anybody else.

Conflict

It's amazing what conflict does to a period of time and a relationship. It astouds me the emotional and physical torments and unsolved conflict can have on a person. It amazes me becuase junior high students are surrounded/surrounds themselves with conflict.
It's almost like they are attracted to conflict and as a leader its tiring. It's so tiring to deal with dramatic things that you know as a leader arn't that big of a deal but to my junior high grils it's the end of the World. Not the end of thier world the end of THE world.
But that's also what makes them fun and unique becuase after all the conflict they become who they are. They know a little bit about there world and about others worlds. They develop a skin, maybe a thick one, maybe too thick. They see the world either in a naive way of thinking or in a fighting mentality.

Junior High camp has been interesting this year and full of emotion.

Acquainted with the Night

I have been one acquainted with the Night
I have walked out in rain- and back in rain.
I have outwalked the furthest city light

I have looked down the saddest city lane.
I have passed by the watchman on his beat
and droped my eyes, unwilling to explain.

I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet
when far away an interrupted cry
came over houses from another street,

But not to call me back or say good-bye;
and further still at an unearthly height,

One luminary clock against the sky
Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right.

I have been one acquainted with the Night.

--Robert Frost(1874-1963)

I found an uneasy rythem to this poem when I read it. I'm not much of a poem reader but this caught my eye. I soothed my soul and sent a rush up my spine. To be one acquainted with the night is to be one acquainted with the morning as well. I pray for the dawn.

The Problem of Pain

So I recently discovered that I don't read alot of what I own. Which is a very sad thing. Since I own some pretty good books. I go to my book shelf every time I need something to read and always find something new. I realize that my hoarding of books and my incentous need to read go hand and hand to my bookcase of wonder.

I picked up a book by Clive Staples Lewis.
The Problem of Pain-
"The creatures cause pain by being born, and live inflicting pain, and in pain they mostly die. In the most complex of all the creatures, Man, yet another quality appears, which we call reason, whereby he is enabled to forsee his own pain which henceforth is preceded with acute mental suffereing, and to foresee his own death while keenly desiring permanence."

It's Gone

I havn't been able to write anything down in Two weeks.
It's Gone.

Suprised by Joy by C.S. Lewis

"Joy is distinct not only from pleasure in general but even from aesthetic pleasure. It must have a stab, the pang, the inconsolable longing." pg.72

"Twilight of the Gods and the distance of my own past Joy, both unattainable, flowed together into a single, undendurable sense of desire and loss, which suddenley became one with the loss of the whole experience, which, as I now stared round the dusty schoolroom like a man recovering from unconsciousness, had already vanished, had eluded me at the very moment when I could first say It is. And at once I knew(with fatal knowledge) that to "have it again" was the supreme and only important object of desire." pg.73

the dream

I have dreams evey night and most of them are normal if you know what I mean, but last night's dream was absolutley weird.

I dreampt that I was driving to Lincoln to register for classes in my Buik LaSabre(yes my car was in my dream) and I was trying to remember if I had forgotten anything. I had my bookshelves and two suit cases of clothes. THen I remembered right as a pulled up to the school I had forgotten sheets, and my comforter.

I got out of the car to this so called "Lincoln" and I headed towards the main building to register. While walking there a unknown person from my past was preaching to all the freshmen and saw me. He called my an American beuty.(I don't know what that means but I was feeling like I was being referred to a horse at the time.)
Then I entered the main building with my two suitcases and I saw a guy from my high school there. Which wouldn't be such a big deal if this certain individual wasn't such not a christian himself. Then there was Terry Mulder just starring in wonder at him like she was my inner self starring in amazment at the fact that he was here.

I got all my information and I headed outside and it suddenley looked more like the real Lincoln. I saw Bre in Greg Mercer'c little orange car driving in the parking lot. She was slowly driving away from the school.

Then Hulk Hogan and his wife picked me up to take me to my room and I had a whole conversation with them both about there daughter(who apparantly was my roommate.) and then all there other children.

But as we driving towards the dorm rooms I realized that I had left my smaller suitcase outside and figured that if would turn up some day as we drove past it.

So if I go to Lincoln and Hulk Hogan's daughter is my roommate I'm going to self claim to have the gift of prophesy.

Any weird dreams?

The broken Window

So I have encountered a very large inconvenience in my life.

It's called my broken window. I drive a Buik La Sabre and the left front window won't roll up or down. Now you would think as a driver it wouldn't be a big deal but it actually stresses me out. See when I'm driving I would perfer to have all the windows down in the car so there is a certain amount of circulation while driving.

However with this broken window this system of circulation fails. So when I'm stopped at a stop sign or light the breeze from the left side of the world can no longer come into my car and brush across my face. So the broken window that blocks the breeze now leaves me hot.

Which is another problem which I must face. Because when I'm hot I sweat. Yes.. that's right.. I'm a sweater. So now I'm not only dealing with the problem of the broken window as an inconveniece I'm also dealing with it as a personel health issue. So now I have to find a strong enough deoderient to handle my profuse sweating.

Another problem is, when I don't get the right amount of circulation I seem to roll up the windows and turn the air on. Which if you very cheap people don't know causes more gas to burn. Which means that I'm buying more gas which means I need to work more hours, which causes me less sleep, which leaves me down right grumpy.

So, as in the end of this pointless, and meaniless conversation with myself my broken window is not just an inconvenience to me but is a health hazard and a gas guzzling problem.

Have you had any undermining car problems that are annoying yet you are just to darn cheap to fix?
-

A great Injustice

I just finished reading an pretty incredible book by the name of In the Presence of My Enemies. It is written by a women name Gracia who was abducted with her husband, Martin, by a group of terrorists in 2000. They remained in the custody of this group for one year and two days.
There are very few books that really move me and this is definetley one of them. I can only recall two others. The Bible, and a book by Brennan Manning, called The Signiture of Jesus.
I highly recommend this book to everyone, Christian or not, it is an incredible book.
The reason that I liked this book so much is becuase it's definitley not run of the mill. It's about two Christian missionaries who have to live their lives everyday for Christ in a place of persecution and fear. In the end Martin gets shot and killed and Gracia gets rescued by the Phillipeans' military.
This book gets me into an emotional rollercoaster becuase I'm wanting to fight the injustices of these two Christians. What's odd about their journey is that they served Christ together for fifteen years prior and I as I read through their journey I wondered why would God put his faithful servants through such a hard time. It astounded my when Gracia's husband dies and she just puts her faith in Christ once again. She goes back and celebrates his life with their family and friends. Personally I would not know what to do with myself if my husband got shot.
I'm also not at that life stage or that faith.
I just thouroughly enjoyed this book. It questioned my faith and why I do what I do. It made me question God's mysterious plan.