"A saint is a person who practices the keystone human virtue of humility. Humility in the face of wealth and plenty, humility in the face of hatred and violence, humility in the face of strength, humility in the face of your own genius or lack of it, humility in the face of another's humility, humility in the face of love and beauty, humility in the face of pain and death. Saints are driven to humbling themselves before all the splendor and horrow of the world because they perceive there to be something divine in it, something pulsing and alive beneath the hard dead surface of material things, something inconceivably greater and purer than they". Father Joe, Tony Hendra

Since I have graduated college I have been privy to two aspects of God. The aspect of compassion and the aspect of humility are the two attributes I have been immersed in.

I asked for humility and I have been reiceving my dose every day for the last eighteen months. As I right this I feel that the humility I have experienced cannot be conveyed in words, and I worry that I am inflating my own storry to fan my pride. I pray that this is not the case. God has given me every day to get up and serve. To take on a life of humilty. But, these lessons don't start with action. I feel my heart has been torn apart and molded back together by experiencing the deep unending love of Christ. I have worked alongside of coal miners, housewives, teachers, insurance salesmen, pedaphiles, theifs, and rapists. I have talked with blunt racists and silent gossipers. Through my interactions with these many people I have been able to confront my own sin, my own dillusion, and my own pride.

I have been able to see the love of Christ for what it is, and not for what we have all made it out to be.

And that is where the compassion of Christ has seeped into my heart and into my mind. I have been shown my own short comings in serving other people and have been given the opportunity to keep my judgements to myself. While, this is not always the case, and I am often found in fault for judging, I have gotten soft. My heart has less ridges on it's edges. I cry more than I rage. I feel pity for the lost rather than feeling enraged by their ignorance. I pray more than I talk. I find myself longing and craving for silence.

I do not long to be a saint, or anything else for that matter. I long to see the divine in this world. To touch, feel, taste, and smell the love of Christ for all of humanity. I long to follow the Spirit on day at a time.

And I pray I can stop worrying, stop strategizing, and stop fussing over the Gospel, and I can start immersing my life in the stories and scriptures of Jesus. I pray the compassion and humility I have been dragged through can be a powerful witness of the transforming power of the Trinity. And I pray that the humility that I face on a daily basis can be evidence of the Divine in both pain and beauty.

All of my days. I have been searching all of my days.

I have recently been newly employed. I work at the United Methodist Children's Home. I started three weeks ago and I have been immersed in a culture that is shocking. This culture is riddled with sin and sorrow and seems to be hidden from the rest of the world.

I help teach broken children. Almost a year ago I was working with the sick and the dying, those who are at the end of their journey. I worked with the widows of the world as they were dealing the death of their loved spouse.

Now I am working with the orphans of this world. Those who are broken and almost beyond repair. On the surface these children are a waste of time. They are the future criminals of this world. They are medicated, they go to therapy, they live in a structured environment and they still are out of control. Living off their impulses and learning from their other radical peers. If they cannot function well in this setting they are sure to fail in the world that dwells outside of the campus.

That is one perspective that easy to adopt. It is a perspective that dehumanizes these children and allows for the institution of law and of normalcy to reign supreme. This perspective is driven by fear and misunderstanding. I can understand this perspective to a point because the first week I worked there I was extremely intimidated by the outbursts, the rage, the profanity, the threats, and the violence.

I could easily say that the reason why those reactions don't effect me anymore is because I have become immune to them. That opinion would be false. I am still shocked by the behavior, however, I have learned more of the why behind the impulses and the rage. These kids are a product of a culture that never really cared for them in the first place.

These children were unwanted and were treated in such a way that showed them in every way that they were unwanted. When a young formidable child is treated with such absurdity it is understandable that these children act in this absurdity. It is understandable that these children feel in this absurdity. It is understandable that these children think in this absurdity. It is understandable that these children are a product of the absurdity of those who were called to parent them.

So, the question then comes.

Do we treat these children with the respect they never received or do we let them live in the Darwinist society that we are all immune too? Do we care for these human beings even when they cannot care for themselves, and many of them will never truly be a productive member of our humanistic society.

Well if we follow the world's guidelines for care and consideration we would probably disregard these kinds of people. Yes, of course their will always be the moral decision of making sure these kinds of people are taken care of to a point. Though that system falls of it's face if there is no value on these children. There needs to be some kind of value given to the people and the world cannot truly give value, for it did not create itself.

The value that must be found needs to be found in their image. These children have been made in the image of God. They were created for the capacity for completion. If we give up on these children, we give up on their creator. If we let these children live in the margins, we let their creator live in the margins. If we let these children suffer the consequences of our sinful world view then we let their creator suffer the consequences of our sinful world view.

If we pass these children by then what is the point of the Good News that is supposed to save those who need it the most?

Joan of Arc

I must be honest. I really don't know anything about French history. I blame some of this ignorance on my American education and I blame some of my ignorance on my apathetic attitude towards the French culture. I don't exactly know where I adopted such a sad stance on the French, but i confess my sin in an effort to redeem my new interest.

The first saint that James Martin discusses in his book is Joan of Arc, who was not only French, but was a great French military leader. Her story starts as a young girl who hears the voices of three saints. These three saints instructed Joan to save France. Through a series of events the French military, Joan of Arc and the three saints accompanying her, went into action against the English. After a couple of successful battles the French decided that they weren't in need of their living saint and let her get captured by the Burgundian army who sold her to the English.  The French's apathy for their young prophet led her to a death fit more for a witch than for a saint. The church that she revered sent her off to her death as a heretic.

All in all Joan's life looks a lot like many of the lives that have followed God rather than the cultural and theological expectations of the church. A life that is marked by the fingerprints of the Holy Spirit rather than the finger prints of current culture or theology.

It brings me to ask the question; if we are all following the Holy Spirit with our heart, mind, soul, and strength are we more apt to look like contemporary culture or theology? And if we are not looking like contemporary culture and theology what is the good of it all?

Joan of Arc was culturally and theologically contradictory for her time. I don't know much about the culture back then, but I do know that a woman who refused to dress in a man's clothing would have been completely misunderstood. Not only would she have been misunderstood, but would have been considered a heretic by the church's standard. We certainly wouldn't call her a heretic within the restoration movement but she wouldn't have been looked upon with affection.

Joan wasn't different. Joan was following what God wanted and she was confident in that way of life. Joan  trusted in the Lord. Whether you believe in saints, or whether you despise Catholics like so many protestants do, you have to admit that Joan was a real tangible example of faith. You may not believe in her story, but to look at the person of Joan you have to admit she believed in it.

James Martin recognizes that, "Joan found her way to God by learning a language that no one else could hear, and so she is the perfect model for someone on the beginning of a faith journey" (26). I would only add that I think Joan is also the perfect model for someone on the middle and the end of a faith journey as well.

My Life with the Saints

I have been wordless for over eight or nine months now. Every time I sit down to write I find myself writing nonsense. Most writers would say that I should continue to write the nonsense because I will eventually break through to the good writing. Well, after nine months of nonsense I have decided to give it up and read. Usually when I am not writing I like to read. I guess I would consider myself a reactionary writer because I tend to write in regards to something I have read or heard. I think this is the reason why I have not been writing anything of substance, because I simply have not been reading anything worth reacting too.

In June I started reading Stephen King. I also dabbled into the Boleyn books, but when I read the second in the series it tended to look and sound a lot like the first book of the series, so I gave it up. However, Stephen King captured me. I read The Stand, The Bachman series, The Black House, and started listening to the Dark Tower Series on tape. Sometime within the month of December I lost interest in King. Which is ironic because Waylon got me four more of his books for Christmas. I labored through Insomnia and half of Under the Dome and gave up.

All to say this, I have not found a spiritually refreshing book in quite a while. I have also not found a spiritually challenging book in quite a while. I think part of me has not wanted to read those kinds of books and part of me has not found any to read. It almost frustrates me that I have already read all the famous authors at Barnes and Noble, because now I really have to scrounge around on Amazon to find something to read. With all this said I am here to announce the book that I actually did find in Barnes and Noble, which is both spiritually refreshing and spiritually challenging. It is called My Life with the Saints, and it is written by James Martin, SJ.

I was drawn to this book a couple of months ago but I didn't have the funds to purchase it. Waylon and I went to B&N as part of our Valentines Day and I picked the book up and was walking to the register and then put it down on a stand of clearance Christmas cards. Waylon was looking at journals. I opened the first page and saw someone comment about how much the author writes like Merton and I was sold. I left for my trip to Naperville and started reading. The first two chapters captured me. The second chapter actually left me completely convicted and I knew that the Holy Spirit directed my to buy this book. Over the next couple of weeks I will travel with the author as he undresses his interaction with these men and women of the past. I will write on whether the Christian Church should take sainthood more seriously and why it is important to look at other parts of Christianity as well as other parts of religion to deepen our faith. I will also share with you my honest reactions and convictions from my readings.

I hope you will travel with me on this journey. I hope the blessing I have received in this book will bless and challenge you as well.