The Boxing Ring

I have watched and own all of the Rocky movies, except for the new one. I have admired boxing and have always been a fan of it.

However, I wasn't aware of the strength that boxing took until I got into the ring myself. I had been taught how to fight at a very young age from my brother who beat me up and in his spare time taught me how to defend myself.

But street fighting is completley different than boxing. I stepped in the ring at age seventeen.

I had my boxing gloves on and was dapered out in red and gray basket ball shorts and a red tank top. My hair was pulled back and as I stepped into the ring my bangs flowed in my face. This boxing match was to the death, just how it was made to be in the beginning. It was an old fight reinvented into a new style. My opponent was a tall dark figure who didn't have a face but who was and unpredictable fighter. Watching the tapes of his old fights taught me nothing about his style other than that he had developed and crafted, inside and outside fighting. My opponent had a clear control of the fight but could do it as an inside fighter with a fast and close interaction. Though there were times when my opponent would become a brawler and lose all care for the rules just to beat His opponent. He was brutal and had a tendency to kill.

I had not yet really defined my skill yet in the ring and I had not really understand the game until I had my first fight. My style would soon become a combination of all and would be called 'hybrid' boxing. My style changed over time and became more and more defined as something undefined.

The atmosphere was somber and a tension was a familer taste that salavated in my sweat. There was one light in the room and that was a lamp that hung right above the ring. All you could see was the ring and even that was dimmed by the darkness that my opponent brought.

There was no one in His corner. He was completley on His own. I had my friend Joseph who had been with me from the beginning. You could say he was a divine intervention when it came to my fighting. He had the wisdom and intelligence of a seasoned fighter and was willing and ready to help me out in whatever way He could. He also was a dear friend who stuck with me through every up and down. The room was silent and every moment that had brought me to this fight flashed across my eyes. While I knew I probably wouldn't last this fight I had a sudden sense of peace and comfort about it. I knew that I was unequipped and that I was young...probably too young to be in the ring with Him, but my time had come.

The bell finally rang and we started to dance. He started on the inside- jab-jab-cross-jab. I slipped past all of the jabs and blocked against the cross punch. As I defended myself I realized that all of my senses were in hyper sensitive mode so everything I smelled, saw, tasted, and felt was ten times more vibrant.

He was so close I could smell him. He smelled like decaying flesh. Something that was so vile I wanted to cover my nose. When he got close I could see that He did have a face and I realized why you couldn't see it. It was covered by a black vinyl mask that covered everything. He was entangled under His mask. His flesh, if I can even call it that, was mangled and destroyed and His eyes were sunken in and dark.

I had gotten so caught up in his appearance and his smell that I had forgotten to block, and I suddenly felt it. I had gotten hit by a semi-truck at full speed. I stumbled back and fell to the ground while blood sputtered from my nose.

I looked down at my clothes while it poured out...'good thing I wore red today.'

I quickly got to my feet and remained calm. Early in my fighting days I would have been in a rage and let that get to me but I learned how to control my feelings.

We danced around again and as he came in to attack I started brawling. Just going pulling out long punches and long hooks It suprised Him and it seem like he was confused. He backed off but I wouldn't let him out of my sights. Then it happened.

One long punch and He was down. He stayed down there and then slowly got up. It was all just an act though and then suddenly it happened. I don't know if it was me or if He actually grew three more inches both in height and in width.

"Round One!" The announcer who was unseen yelled out and I walked to my corner discouraged and lost in this fight for my life.

The little town beneath my bed?

I often get out of the bed in the middle of the night due to my small and weak bladder. Usually I get up and turn on the light(because I get frightful in the middle of the night of things that bump around). So I turn on the light and get out of bed in a quick fashion, I head across the hall and use the facilities.

This happens quite often. Well this last night I had gotten up around four o'clock in the morning to go to the bano. When I crawled back into bed I heard a strange scraping sound like someone was moving a bed around. I also heard a women sing in an opera voice at a very high pitch.

So I have come to the conclusion that there is a small village living under my bed. A village of many people, and I think that they were having a small get together. I think that the men's voices sound like furniture movie and the women's voices sound very operetic.

They must have been having a great time because they were making quite a commotion. I hope they enjoy living under my bed. I will try and make contact and will blog about it later.

Christmas Shopping

1 pair of spends shorts...Thirty dollars
2 tubes of jelly incinerated beans...2,000 dollars
3 cheesey Christmas movies...56 dollars
4 cranky people that cut you off....10x the stress
5 episodes of the real world while wrapping presents...5,000 brain cells
6 cookies...10 grams of fat
7 extended family hugs...Awkward and fun
8 Christmas strands of lights to put up...Laborious
9 penguins dancing...Mind boggling
10 phone calls...One large phone bill
11 flu shots...And then the flu
12 days until I can give my presents...Anticipation

The Story of Jesus...Priceless...And not mentioned.

"Use your words"

Every time my neice starts to throw a tauntrum or whine about something we always tell her to use her words. Words are valuable and vital and important. Words change lives.

So I'm going to use my words, because maybe if I right it out I will feel better. Or at least I will stop telling everyone 'I'm good.'

I'm having a bad day.

First- I don't understand how a community who holds community up so highly can go along their daily business like nothing has happened. Meetings here, coffee there. Like it just happens all the time. Now granted most of this community doesn't know the old community but there are still some. It's irritating to be in a place that does not grasp the gravity of death, or at least doesn't represent it well.

Second- I'm still in the angry mourning phase. I'm really angry, angry enough to hit someone. The first question to come to mind is Why? After everything has happend and after all the life that he lived why now and why in this way?

I'm trying to use my words but the burning anger won't be captured in the uselessness of them.

Well it has come again and will continue to come and I will get angrier and angrier every time it happens.

In this moment, I'm not good, I'm not happy, I'm angry and a little sad. I know the true sadness will come much later.

But first I am angry.

"Use your words

Sadness has sunk in.

I HATE DEATH>

I still have no capacity for it even though I have expereinced it numerous times.

New Post

The King

I have always been a comic book and super hero junkie. I love learning about superhero's and really delving into their story. A couple of years ago I actually stumbled into a pretty unique story, and found one of the most powerful superhero's ever created.

This story is set in an Ancient city in Mesopotamia. It revolves around a man, named Joshua, who was born to rule. However, he was stripped of his title and his land and he was exiled. He become a lowly servant in the new town he moved to and was never much of a popular character. He was oddly different growing up and stayed close to his family.

He discovered his super powers around the age of twelve, but they didn't come into full capacity until he was about thirty which is when he became a full-fledged superhero. He was very kind and through his great influence created a following. While he was being followed and making an impact through his human side he was also making a large influence and saving people from dire life circumstances through his super human identity. Joshua's psudeo-name became the "King". He traveled all around Mesopotamia and became a house name among the outcasts and also among those in power.

The King could do a plethora of different things with his power. He could heal people, not only through touching them, but by just saying the words. He could control natural elements and could control the weather. He could read minds, and he could predict the future as well as look into your past. He could disappear in a moment and appear somewhere else. He could clone things, as well, through his control of nature. He had a great amount of power. I'm telling you he is one of the greatest super hero's I have ever read about.

With any good superhero story the King had an arch nemisis-actually he had a group of them. Because the King was gaining so much influential power the men who ruled in the towns where the King prasided where getting quite flustered. So they did what only corrupt men in power do, they framed him.

See every Superhero has a weakness. With superman it was kryptonite. With Batman it was poverty. With X-men it was their other mutant brothers and sisters.

Well the King's greatest weakness was the people he came to save. One day, one of the King's followers decided that he was sick of the lifestyle of selflisness and he sold the King out. These powerful men then caught the King and framed him. They put him through different trials just to humiliate him. Most of the King's followers scattered but there were a few who stood around to see if he would use his powers to get out of this scandleous situation.

The King went through every trial and went through every humilation that was presented to him. These powerful men then took the King and brutally murdered him on a hill outside the city called the Skull. Now every super hero finds himself in a dire situation and is on the edge of total destruction. They usally get out of it though.

The King just died. He just gave up.

When I read it I couldn't believe it. This man who was so influential just gave up. This man who had a super side of him didn't even try to escape the death that was so certian.

I soon found out that the King's greatest weakness was also his greatest strength.

A couple days went by and suddenley people started seeing the King. He started appearing to his closest followers and then just appeared to people on the street.

The King told his followers that he could not stay on the earth any longer but he told them that his Spirit would be with them. The King's followers didn't understand him until they started healing people, and until they started saving people as well.

This comic book hero is not fiction. He is real. He lived 2000 years ago and truly had super-human power, but he didn't let that power control him or determine his decisions. He followed God's redemptive plan and was stripped of his power and glory and he died a brutal death because he wanted to save the people that he loved.

He still wants to save us.

I'm living my dream.

The Will of God is/isn't safe....?

"Who said the will of God was ever safe?" E. McManus

"The will of God is the only safe place you will find in the overlap" W. Shaw

"Safe?" said Mr. Beaver. "Don't you hear what Mrs. Beaver tells you? Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you." Lion the Which and the Wardrobe, Clive Staples Lewis

I have been recently involved in the will of God and these quotes seemed to have pulled some strings throughout my being.

God is not safe, because in our mind saftey is a precaution to danger. We become "safe" because of fear. We fear that we are going to fly out of our sit and through our windshield, so we wear our seatbelt.

We fear that someone is going to break into our house so we put locks on our doors and windows.

We fear that someone is going to rob us blind so we fear our neighbors and friends.

We are called to fear God. Why? Well I have been told two different responses growing up. The first is that God is powerful and can destroy your entire being in less than time itself allows. Since in our minds souls don't die we don't seem to comprehend that God could make a sudden movement and abliterate our souls forever. The western world has commonly thought of Heaven and Hell being the only two options. Well I would have to tend to disagree. God can destroy you in such a fashion that "nothingness" cotians more matter than you.

Second response to fearing God is actually being in Awe of Him because of His power. Which I guess could go along with the first response but I feel the reaction is differnt. When I fear God because I am afraid he is going to do something I react in a worldy human fear, but when I fear God because I understand the power and can see that power being lived out in my life I react in worshipful way. Awe in God literally scares the Hell out of me and allows me to react in a way that glorifies God.

God is not safe. When did the Gospel become tolerant and comforable. "Take up your cross....the dead can bury themselves, a fox has it's hole and a bird it's nest but the son of man has no place to lay his head..." Jesus never said the will of God is safe but he also lived out his life in ultimate and unfailing trust, which adheres to the saftey of God.

The will of God was never intended to be safe but it was always intended to be lived out, that is probably why it is not a safe place to meander about.

Independence Day Going Down in Flames

Most of us are introduced to the concept of Love when we are born and are fed and played with and shown affection. I don’t understand how this love that we are introduced to in the beginning slowly forms and flows through our veins. We hang onto this concept of love because if we don’t we die.

It’s extreme but if you seriously sit down and think about it you will soon realize that a life without love slowly and surely dies. And not only would you die but the culture that we live in would die as well. We are in a culture of wanting to be independent yet we yearn for a love that NO ONE can deny. This idea of independence that we hear from our parents, from our schools and from our relationships, only leads to one thing...death.

You cannot be independent. The reality simply does not exist. Here’s why. You depend on a job to provide you money in which you depend on your boss to give you hours to work. You depend on the sheet that says you have hours and you depend on getting paid every other Friday. You rent a house/apartment. People are depending on you to pay the rent. Any simple transaction is a cause of dependence. You are depending on a good or service to be delivered and they are depending on you for the money of the delivery or service.

Every person in the world is depending on something or someone. If you decide to go out in the wilderness and not commune with one person you still depend on the soil for your fruit. You depend on the wild game around you to provide you the sustenance that you need.

You have no independence in this world whatsoever.

You are incapable of making a small decision by yourself. Let’s say you are going to college. You are influenced by your parents, by your peers, by your belief system. Your background and your moral standing have decided things for you. If you take the argument of not having a moral standing you now depend on the idea that you have no moral standing and that makes your decisions for you.

You have no independence in your thinking.

North America has created an illusion. They have told you that you can make your own decisions. They have lied to you and allowed you to buy into a product. Individualism is a product that America sells quite well. "You don’t need anyone", "Just do it",
The drive to attain independence through a constant self-centered striving is obscenely ironic. As we strive-as we climb that cliched, metaphorical ladder, we rely on the rungs to propel us forward.

Step one, we are reliant on air to fill our lungs and gravity to hold us down.

Step two, we rely on food to grow and the store to sell that food and the government to keep making money so we can buy the food.

Step three, we rely on our parents or someone to care for us and teach us how the world works.

Step four we rely on someone to give us a chance in the world
that we are so apt to become independent from.

Step five we depend on our environments to create where we will go next and what steps we need to take to achieve our ultimate goals.

Step six we find someone or something to take care of our emotional and physical needs and we become inherently attached to him/her or it.

Step seven we work until we are ready or until someone else thinks we are ready to retire and we depend on our pension to provide for us until we die.

Step eight our environment finally destroys our physical being and we reach the end of deteriation.

Step nine we depend on our children, close relatives, close friends, or co-workers to bury us and to honor the short and mundane lives we have lived. Whether it be a slow and corrosive disease, a night time escape, or a tragic ending we all die. All the things we work for are remembered for a while and then they die along with our name.

So what is the answer, and why is love the ribbon that ties everything together?

"Revolution"

"We are throwing rocks at the bride of Crist and calling it a Revolution" B. Mills

This statement seems to continually reign true in my life as I look at what is happening to the church in North America. I have encountered so many books on this spiritual journey from authors that span from Brian McClaren to Donald Miller to Tony Campolo and Shane Claiborne(sorry Kel). While these authors have good things to say I think that they are missing something.

We apparantly are having a revolution in our church in North America. Something is shifting and we think that if we start something brand new than the world will look at Christians in a different way. "They will finally see Christ!"

We tend to think that relationships are the key. If we just show them Christ and have dialouge with them then they will eventually find God. Here me know. The tolerance that we are showing is not acceptable. We are allowing sin into the church in America and it is unaccebtable.

Why are we so afraid to be different? God has called us to be different yet it seems like this is an outlandish thing. If we are different they will know we follow Jesus. SO WHAT?

Why are we throwing around the significance and holiness of God to have such 'experiences.' In the book of Leviticus God's holiness is taken seriously. Sin is taken seriously.

Sin has no power on us! Why are we so ashamed to live free in Christ and proclaim his name wherever we go?

Has this "revolution" taken over the importance of the church? Have we walked away from the problems of the church because it's easier to start something new, rather than trusing God to redeem the problem itself.

Have we lost the Doctrine? Are our opinions replacing the Doctrine of the church?

Have we blurred the "line" between the world and God that we have forgotten who we are?

Have we thrown mud at Christ's bride to feed our own satisfaction?

Have we become cowards in terms of proclaiming the Gospel?

Are we ashame to be called JEsus FrEaks, because that causes people to suggest that we actually follow Jesus and read the Bible?

Are we reading the Bible?

Why are churches using the term Christian no more? Can another name change the world sees us?

Isn't the Gospel supposed to offensive? If it's not than I'm not really living for anything "revolutionary"

I am not at all saying that I am not part of this myself, but I am trying to figure these things out.

Dance

You know the way the dance makes you feel.

The first couple of steps are nervous and akward, but then the movement comes ever so slowly. The music seems to seep through your viens as you move back and forth with your masked partner.

As you once moved on your own, you now move together in a state of utter transcendance. It feels like you were born to be in this state of mind. As the music gets faster the movement gets faster, and the dancing becomes a fantastic blur to the audience in which the dance is being performed for.

But, it is much for than a performance for the dancers. It is breath. In and out. Every step that slides across the floor the breathing gets easier and more melodic. The heart beats to a steady and firm idea, pumping and tracing the music throughout the essence of the dancers.

You know the way that the dance makes you feel.

When the embarrassment of the dance has passed, the faces seem to interact in an intimate way. They seem to lock eyes as they dance across and around the room. They never look down to see if they are in step because it no longer matters.

The dance transforms the two and they walk away from it very differently. The music seems to end and breathing only comes easier when the dance has resumed. Regular life seems asthmatic, and mundane.

The dance is never easy, and is never safe, but it's always good.

Awe

To be in Awe of God, is to have God literally scare the Hell out of you.

Lights

Ever see things and are brought back to a memory from your childhood in a flash.

It happened tonight when I went to Bloomington to see a movie. We were heading back from Bloomington and I started counting the street lights.

I was ten again and coming home from my Grandma's. I was lying on my back in the back seat of our white mini-van. My head was on the plastic siding and had started aching and the forty-five to fifty minute drive seemed like forever at nine at night, especially after a large meal.

My parents didn't like to listen to music, probably because they thought we would fall asleep, I never did. The rumbling of the car and the yellow lines on the road seemed to flow into one as i lied in the back. I pressed my face on the window because the heat in the car was overbearing.

And I started counting the street lights. 1,2,3,4.....34,35,36.....67,68,69.....

They seemed to never end, and we were moving at a speed where it was a competition to see if I could count every single one that I could see. If I lost count I had to start over.

Then another memory came flashing back and I remember the first time I saw Chicago at night on an airplane. Which in all reality isn't as spectacular as it might sound but I will never forget it. Those lights that seemed to never end. I tried to count them but it was nearly impossible.

The flight attendent came over the intercome and stated that we were ten miles out of our destination and we would be coming into the city limits very shortly. I remember first seeing the lights as the clouds seemed to part. Suddenly there was a massive amount of small lights that were only about a centimeter apart, and as we slowly descended the lights seemed to get larger.

Simple and insignificant lights seem to mark every part of my life.

Black and White dinner!

Blake and I dancing, so cute!











Me and the girls before the party!



Twylla and I sharing a moment.

Rob thinking that I'm Oprah?















Hey, I look good in red.


So my floor put together a formal black and white dinner for our brother floor. It was Awesome. It actually ended up being a dance party. It was sooo....much fun. Here are some pics from it. Oh, bye the way I actually wore a red dress, I just felt like it was an appropriate thing to do.

The Father's song, Matt Redman

I have heard so many songs
Listened to a thousand tongs
but there is one that sounds above them all
The Father's song the Father's love
you sung it over me and for
eternity its written on my heart

Heaven's perfect melody
the creators symphony
you are singing over me
the Father's song

Heaven's perfect mystery
the king of love has sent for me
and now your singing over me
the Father's song

I have heard so many songs
Listened to a thousand tongs
but there is one that sounds above them all

The Father's song the FAthers love
You sung it over me and for
eternity its written on my heart

Heaven's perfect melody
The creators symphony
You are singing over me
The Father's song

Heaven's mystery
The king of love has sent for me
Now your singing over me
The Father's song

the Father's song
The Father's love
you sung it over me and for
eternity it's written on my heart.

It's written on my heart
You sing it over me
Father,

The Shadows

I find myself in the shadows. Lurking around like a huntched back creature and wondering wether the light will ever expose itself.

The shadows seem to create discomfort in my sould but not enough to urge me to leave the darkness. I have the option to get out, but I just choose to continue to lurk. My back hurts and my senses are numb. I try to eat but the joy of taste has escaped my mouth. My eyes have been weakened because I know longer see the life behind the living. My hearing has faded, because it has been so long since I have heard the laughter of the healthy.

The buildings just seem to get bigger. They have overtaken the trees that dance. They have overtaken the natural land where we used to grow old and be merry. I lurk in the shadows of these giants.

I have walked and have no where to go so I will just sit. I will sit and wait. Wait for the abnormality of death to come and visit my sitting place. I sit and wait for the something that will save me from the shadows. I wait here for my death because I am a living corpse, walking around. I am a presence among the living but I can not figure out this life out.

I am called to live a life that represents the Life but I seem to walk around like the corpse that ends it all. The giants have swallowed my hope and have taken my "revolution" away. The dance that was once introduced to me has become a tiresome run from the hands that try and pull me down. The secret agenda's and the pull of the empty hole that has swallowed the growth of my trees.

I just want to see, To hear, To taste, To touch, To know, that as I sit here in my shadows that there is a light.

Mars Hill

When we were in the car K-dog pointed it out. It was a strip mall, nothing to fancy, but there was an excitment in the look of it. We ended up waiting in a line of cars to turn into the parking lot and as we walked up I saw two different signs. One for the YMCA and one for Party Zone.

The mini-mall signs were still up. We approached the door and it had church name and the service times displayed. It was the first sign I had seen in my first encounter with this body of Christ. We walked in and there was an older lady shaking hands and welcoming people. There was an awe in the atmosphere. There were hundreds of people milling around.

We walked in the "sanctuary" and there was a stage in the middle of the room. K-dog grabbed a piece of paper and a bible that was on mental cabinet on the wall. We sat down and the worship band got up on stage. They started playing hymns.

After the worship set Rob Bell got up and sat down in the middle of the stage on a cool swivel chair. He did some announcements and then he told us to open our Bible's to Luke chapter 10.

And then it happened.

The flipping of at least one thousand Bibles. It was a beautiful sound.

Rob Bell, isn't anything special. He walked his community through the contextual and historical meaning behind the text. It was nothing new. Rob Bell was communicating God's truth. That's it.

I walked out of the church confused. What just happened? Was that church?

The reason I say that is not because it was bad. It wasn't bad. The music was good the "message" was good. But it wasn't anything new. Here's what happened. Rob Bell listened to God. Not only did he listen to God he decided to follow him as well. He is an ordinary man doing extrodinary things. He decided to take the idea of faith and go on a walk with God.

He understands that and so does his community. They are the most outrageously giving community in the nation, and guess what? They don't take offereing during service!

They have joy boxes at every door, so as you exit the sanctuary you just drop off what you want. They not only just give to the church, but the church gives to everyone as a whole. They don't waste money on frivilous things but make an impact in their culture by using thier money in an eternal way.

Mars Hill is a body of believers who understand what the covenant is really about and are willing to risk their lives in God's redemption.

Weekend in Holland....the town not the country.

Fall break came and so I decided to take a trip up to Naperville, which normally takes two hours but on Friday it took four. Then I decided to take a train to Chicago which was ten minutes late. Then I decided to take another train to Holland which was an hour and a half delayed. All in all my thirteen trip to Michigan could have really been a thirteen hour trip to England. Or the real country of Holland.

So I got off the train and I saw my beautiful Best friend. The reason I went to Holland was to see K-dog. My partner in Crime, my thelma, my adventurer, my coheart in the faith. I also saw K-Holm. It was good to see some old highschool friends as well.

We went to denny's and had a grand ole' time. After this feast we went and I learned how to play a new game of Buk Buk. It's fascinating, I will have to tell you how it works some day.

I slept on K-dog's fouton. The left side is immensly more comfortable than the right side. We ventured into some coffee shops. We also went an saw the new movie The Prestige which was a trick. It kind of reminded me of Achilles and Hector from the Illiad.

Oh and I almost forgot, I went to a college football game...fun huh? We actually saw the real drum line in action.

Then we went to Mars Hill which I think I will post a different blog about because I am quite puzzled on what is going on there. It was an interesting experience if I have ever had one.

Alas the weekend in Holland had to come to an end. So I waited thirty minutes more for my late train back to Chicago and then took a train back to Naperville. I'm sure half of you got a phone call from me asking you to pick me up. It worked itself out though. When I got off the train there was this creepy looking man that I hitched a ride from. Half way to my house he offered me this bag of white substance and a chunk of money, so I decided to let him drop me off a couple of blocks from where I live. All in all he seemed like a nice guy.

Well the adventure of Holland had to come to and end, I'm just glad it happened the way it did.

I don't like being stood up.

Like a beautiful tree....

Oh, how I know the depths of your own heart. Like a beautiful tree planted in the middle of a field. A place to come to as a child and be in awe of your greatness. A place of saftey yet of risk while I climb and explore the life of your branches. A growth of fruit beckens my appetite and I get lost in your majestic height.

Oh, how I know the depths of your own heart. Like a beautiful tree that stands proud and strong during the storms and during the spring breeze. A place I can come to when I am involved with a beautiful love. Somewhere where I can carve my initials in a heart. And a place where my lover and I can come and lazyily spend hours under your shade during the summer heat.

Oh, how I know the depths of your own heart. Like a beautiful tree that provides all of my needs when I become older and need a place to reside. I selfishly take advantage of your branches and your tallness to put a roof over my family. That you would give up your body so that I may live in a safe place of being.

Oh, how I know the depths of your own heart. Like a beautiful tree that yearns to be desired and knows that when I am old enough will have no used for swinging branches or carved intials. But will provide me a place to just be. A place where I can sit my old shriveled body on it's trunk and be able to be in the presence of the great provider.

Oh, how I know the depths of your own heart. Like a beautiful tree that is willing to sacrifice its whole being to provide for it's great love.

"Christ sheild me this day:

Christ with me,
Christ before me,
Christ behind me,
Christ in me,
Christ beneath me,
Christ above me,
Christ on my right,
Christ on my left,
Christ when I lie down,
Christ when I arise,
Christ in the heart of every person who thinks of me,
Christ in the eye that sees me,
Christ in the ear that hears me."

The Breastplate of St. Patrick

The man's hero

Hector and Achilles fight each other in the Iliad, written by Homer.

Hector was the good and compassionate family man. He went into the war fighting for a cause. He believed in it.

Achilles was a enranged psuedo-phsychotic. He tried walking away but the death of his best friend brought him back into the war. He was cruel and found no value in the human. His soul was darkened by each man he killed. He hated the war but was to good to walk away again.

At the end of the of the Iliad Achilles kills Hector.

He then tries to tie Hector's body to the back of his chariot and has an encounter with Hector's father. Hector's father connects with him and they both mourn for all of the loss that has occured in both their lives.

Both Achilles and Hector are the heros. Hector is the good guy and Achilles is the bad guy but both their characteristics represent a hero. Hero's arn't perfect and they have their dark sides. Usually those dark sides win.

A Stark Realization.

Sitting in the warehouse reading A Greif Observed and came to this sudden realization, that actually has been stewing for a while,

C.S. Lewis writes it well:

"Not that I am (I think) in much danger of ceasing to believe in God. The real danger is of coming to believe such dreadful things about Him. The conclusion I dread is not 'sSo there's no God after all,' but 'So this is what God's really like. Decieve yourself no longer."

This is the idea that I have been struggling with since I learned that God commanded Joshua to commit genocide to the people in the promiseland.

For me the questions and the answers don't add up. While I ask a question that addresses why God took the lives of so many people in the Old and in the New Testament or I ask a question about the children in Africa that are dying of Aids, or are dying of starvation and I get the answers of the many Christians saying 'We can't really understand why God does the things that He does,' or 'You shouldn't question God's ultimate plan.' This one is my favorite 'God's idea of fairness and His idea of justice is not the same as ours.'

While these answers are accurate and have some truth to them these answers are not directly answering my questions. These answers actually are giving an ambigious cover to the fact that they don't really know the answers, but they feel like they have to defend God.

REALITY CHECK- God is the one that I am asking about and his actions, don't defend Him because if he wants to defend himself he will explain these answers. He will defend himself. Don't be unitelligent and give me falsified answers because your representation of your client couldn't be more wrong.

I am quite aware that God exists, the thing in question is God's character. Many would assume that if I didn't believe in God I could not blame God for the injustices in the world. They would be right. What meter could I hold up if I did not have a moral ideal to follow. It's not the belief that is aquired about because God exists. It is God's character that is being aquired about.

The things that should only be known by the mind of God are the things that I so long for. The explanations of the understatements of life are what I desire for. I'm sick of asking deep end questions and getting kiddy pool answers.

Frustration of the Day.

My soul yearns for you, my Lord. That I may be taken away from this world.


So we had a great time in Homiletics today. We had seven people give their sermons tonight and each one did a great job. At the end of class my professor stood up and talked about the eight people going next week.

"You each need to allot your time to ten minutes"

Everything that I have worked on in the last two weeks now has to be chucked. The sermon that I had confidence in and was exited about cannot possibly be fit into ten minutes.

So I'm starting over. I can only tell one story in ten minutes. I hope God makes that story clearly in the next seven days because if not I will not be doing well next tuesday night.



Jesus come back, as soon as you can, just so I may escape these worries that stretch and torment my soul.

The looming presence of Death

Oct. 2
"My Senior year is when my dad and I started a real solid relationship. God has really done some amazaing things through it and has taught me a lot." Me

"It's really interesting because you started having a relationship with your Dad when you were a Senior and that's when my Dad died." Friend

"....I give you permission to be angry with God." Me



"It's ninety degrees on Oct. 3, you know what that means, the world is ending. Which I'm okay with. If Jesus came back today I would welcome him with open arms." Me

Silence

"I was scared to die yesterday....it may sound weird but..." Friend

"No, it doesn't sound weird we have talked about this before, remember?" Me

"Yea, I was just sitting there and thinking about it and I felt the fear...." Friend

"Meanwhile where is God? this is one of the most disquieting symptoms. When you are happy, so happy that you have no sense in needing Him, so happy that you are tempted to feel His claims upon you as an interruption, if you remember yourself and turn to Him with gratitude and praise, you will be-or so it feels- welcomed with open arms. But go to him when your need is desparate, when all other help is in vain, and what do you find? A door slammed in your face, and a sound of bolting and double bolting on the inside. After that silence." A Greif Observed

New Book Idea

So I have been thinking about this new book idea. I know I have to finish my first two before I get on to a third. But here me out. Tell me what you think.

At graduation every Christian graduate gets a book about going to college, and what it takes to stay a Christian in College. I actually got a book that was titled "How to stay a Christian in College" I laughed when I got it because in my mind I was going to the Christian utopia of all colleges. I didn't need to worry about whether I was going to stay a Christian simply because I was going to Bible college.

Then I got here.

So now I want to write a book about staying a Christian in Bible College. It's a lot harder than you think.

I think I will title it
"How I survived Bible College" or

"How to stay a Christian going into ministry" or

"How to stay a Christian in Bible college"

Well that's all. Tell me what you think.

Written for my Roommate

Dear Morgan,

In our recent discussion we have been conversing about the duality of thoughts. Your last journal post spurred this discussion and has turned the clockwork in my brain. I was sitting this summer listening to Bano speak about the duality of art and faith. The idea that we are trying to live this life that is messy and hard. We are searching for the truth.

Through this search we find ourselves on different levels of thought. Specifically about the world in which we live in, and the way that world sees us. This creates a plethora of emotional stigma which then leads to the incomprehensible and destructable thoughts that float through our atmosphere. We then breath in those thoughts and breath out every insecurity and flaw that we feel as mere mortals.

Sitting in my own disgust I then realize and wholly understand the action of these thoughts that are self absorbed. These thoughts seap through my pores and fill them in, becoming black foaming entities. Not only do they create oil filled pimples but the stink from those thoughts come off of my body. This could be compared to sitting on the train next to a man who has had to much to drink, and knowing that, not because of his breath alone, but because of the stentch that exudes from his body. I then carry around with me a mindset of muck because of my search for the truth.

This mindset becomes transformed over time when I come into the comfortable presence of the one who loves me. I then start to look over those old thoughts and create new ones, because of the great transformer. While I still see the remnants of those old thoughts I have air to breath that is sweeter. My face clears up and my stentch becomes and aroma, more like a women on a train who has the authority and genuaility of a proper lady.

However, the process of transformation should not be worried upon, but be praised, because the grace of God becomes clearer through the mistakes we make. We are mortal beings, with clear glass souls that are cracked upon contact, but when God comes in the picture that glass becomes filled. If the glass casing is broken than God is spilled out unto the viens, and this God consumes the entity of the body.

To all the doubters of my roommate's journey, I say to you, praise the process of transformation, because if you miss it, you miss the consumation of God.

To the best roommate of all time,

alison

The Lord Appears to Elijah.

"And the word fo the Lord came to him: "What are you doing here, Elijah?"

He replied, "I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the onlly one left, and now they are trying to kill me too."

The Lord said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by."

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.

When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave. Then a voice said to him, "What are you doing here, Elijah?"

He replied, "I have been very zealous for the Lord God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too."

The Lord said to him, "Go back the way you came, and go to the Desert of Damascus. when you get there, annoint Hazael king over aram. Also annoint Jehu son of Nimshi king over Israel, and annoint Elisha son of Shaphat from Abel Meholah to succeed you as prophet. Jehu will put to death any who escape the sword of Hazael, and Elisha will put to death any who escape the sword of Jehu. Yet I reserve seven thousand in Israel-all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal and all whose mouths have not kissed him."

the first conversation

Dr. Mangano brought up some interesting points in class yesterday. We were talking about the fall and he asked this question;

"Why did the serpent go to Eve?"

Here are some noted answers from the class:
1. She was collecting food for Adam and the serpent came at her then.
2. Eve didn't have the mental capacity of Adam.
3. The serpent was second to God and the women was second to man so the serpent knew they could relate.
4. The serpent wouldn't be able to pursuade Adam because he was the ruler of creation.
5. The serpent knew that Eve could be more pursuasive so he went after her first.

There were two trees in the Garden. The tree of life, which produced food for Adam and Eve. This tree sustained Adam and Eve because they were not immoral or eternal. The other tree in existence was the tree of knowledge of good and evil. God told Adam that he could not eat of the tree of knowledge or he will surely die along with Eve. While we were batting around ideas my prof brought into the picture the basic components of the fall. The idea that because Adam didn't love his wife the way Christ loved the church he sinned first.

Adam was passive, which was the first sin comminted in the garden.

Eve was decieved by the serpent and broke God's commandment, which was the second sin committed in the garden.

Adam ate the fruit of the tree of knowlege, which was the third sin commited in the garden.

When God came calling he found Adam and Eve hiding in the bush and cursed them. They didn't die physically, but they became mediums. Corpses, no longer living, but not dead.

Adam and Eve were expelled from the Garden because God didn't want them living in their own Hell. He wanted to cut them off from the tree of Life so that they could not live in their state of wickedness for all times. He offered them Grace, rather than eternal deprevation.

While they headead out from the Garden they couldn't taste things, feel things, understand things through the eyes of goodness.

I know that when the church returns to that state we will be able to wear the white dress for our union with Christ.

Worship

"Soren Kierkegard compared worship to a theatre in a way that is particularly apt for the sacrificial rituals of Israel, especially when we grasp the point he was making. Theatres are places where dramas are performed by actors in front of an audience. In the worship of Israel the worshippers were the players, not the audience, and they were assigned an active role. It was God who was the audience, and whose benefit the drama was presented, and God who was to be satisfied. For that reason, the rituals were carefully prescribed and observed. How different from much present-day worship that turns the congregation into an audience of passive onlookers whose feelings need massaging and whose every taste and whim need satisfying! It is a foolish reversal of roles that places God on the stage as an actor who is required to entertain his people."

The Message of Leviticus, Tidball.

The Last Night

All summer Student Community prepared for their junior high camp. There theme was Day One.

Brillant. It was a great theme and was extremley well put together. It was probably one of the best themes that I have ever read and participated in.

The idea behind it is that today is Day one. Day one in encountering Christ, day one in understanding His love and grace, and day one in living the life that we as Christians are called to live, separatly and in a community.

I was sitting in a mentored ministry meeting and my advisor, Dr. J.K. Jones, asked us to turn to John 13. It is the story of Jesus washing his disciples feet. I have heard this story many times and have even experienced this kind of servanthood at highschool retreats, but J.K. came at this story from a different angle.

Jesus saw a need, and he met it. It was an extrodinary act that made ripples on His community, but in the moment it was a need that was met. On Christ's last night as a free person he met the needs of his closest friends, spirtually, emotionally, and physically. The community that he was leading wouldn't understand this kind of act until they understood the journey of Christ himself, but that was yet to come in the early church.

What will you do with your last night? J.K. Jones asked this question, and it stuck to me like jelly. I was so concerned with the beginnings of Christianity this summer that I suddenly forgot the urgency of the end.

So, what will you do with your last night?

Men and Women in the Church, Sarah Sumner

"I have been told that Christian women in Korea feel devastated socially if they turn thirty before marriage. Evidently they feel challenged, even in the church, to find their role. As I see it, the issue of their role is not the problem.

The problem, rather, lies in everyone around them who feels at a loss to knwo how to relate to them as single Christian women. My single female friends in the United States, expecially those over the age of forty who have never been married, constantly describe the same ordeal. Tehy feel many Christians do not know how to relate to them comfortably. Instead, people want to know "how they're coping" with their singleness and lack of motherhood.

In other words, they want to know how they're coping with there conventional rolelessness."

High matience Homeless

K-Shea and I went down to the city yesterday, to hang out and just enjoy each other's company. It was a blast. We ended up on the magnificant mile. It's amazing the different kind of people that are around that area. The mile has changed quite a bit since I have been there last. I tend to go into the city quite often but I'm never on Michigan Avenue(unless I'm seeing my sister at work).

Usually I'm in uptown.(Usually hanging out with my sister)

But there were crazy street performes one whom resembled Jonny Depp from the Secret Window. He was a vantriliquist and was pretty good. We also ventured into the world of human statues, who charged a dollar per picture, and we saw a puppet show on the street. When I encounterd the puppet show I was in a state of shock. Not often do you see such things.

So K-Shea and I enjoyed and gallavanted down this mile of merchandise, but we suddenley felt the urge for some substanance so we went to Giordono's. In the pizza arena Giordono's is high up in having the best deep dish pizza ever. We had fellowship and talked of many things while scarfing down a small deep dish sausage and mushroom pizza.

We ened up having two pieces of pizza left, so we figured if we saw someone on the stree that looks hungry or that was holding a sign that says "I need food, starving, Hungry!" we would just give our pizza to them.

We started south on the magnificant mile after dinner and ran into someone who had a sign that stated "Hungry, Please feed!" I asked if this person if she wanted our pizza and she replied with a quick and sharp no while continuing to stare off into space.

As we walked away, I felt kind of offended. I didn't realize that the homeless people on the magnificant mile were so high mantience. I just assumed that if someone was holding a sign that said hungy, that person would be grateful for a couple of deep dish sausage and mushroom peices of pizza.

I guess we all know where assuming takes us.

The Rulebook

"The people who know the rule book are the only ones going by it"

I heard this on a television show advertisment. Some new cop show that they are coming out with. The first thing that the ad states is, in a deep advertising voice of course "There is the cop who follows the rules, and then there is the professional who have thrown them out." Then the top quote follows. Now, yes it seems extremley cheesy and the whole basis of the show has been done and redone but I do like that quote.

The idea that the only people who truly follow the rules are the ones that know the rules. I can relate this to Christianity by parralleling 'Christians' and 'nonChristians'. By doing this I am pointing out that Christians arn't tolerate enough. The reality is that Christians follow a certian code and a certain rule book and we shouldn't judge other people by our moral stadards and expectations.

But I kind of want to hit on a different angle. What if we redirected and realized that the revolutionaries of this world consist of two kinds of people.

1.) People who know guidelines and rules and stick to them in an effort to create a dictonomy of harmony in their environments.
2.) People who know the guidelines and the rules so well that they either do one of two things; they learn how to manipulate them to there advantage, or they revamp them and they turn them into priniciples of their lives.

Principles are not concrete and cannot be broken.

So all in all I think that the first line stated in this blog is irrelevant, because everyone lives by their own moral standard. There is not one being on this earth who lives apart from themselves. Everyone is following someone or someone's ruling. I just think that there can be revolution in that. I think that men and women can grasp the ideals and morals of the universe and create something that is very much the same but still causes goose bumps to crawl up your friends arms.

One is never enough

I was working today, as usual, and there was a kid that started complaining that one frozen hot chocolate is not enough and will never be enough.

I have felt like that all summer. I have learned that people spend to much money and have the total mentality that one is never enough. I have been working in a coffee shop all summer, and the money that students carry around is disgusting.

My regulars blow my mind, because in reality, they come in three or four times a week and spend four or five dollars everyday on their coffee.

That is crazy to me. I know and understand that I spent and can spend that much money in one setting, but it still frustrates me.

I think that seeing how much money people spend on coffee shows what kind of lifestyle they lead in their lives.

And then, I could be wrong.

Mel's Mistake

I am a huge fan of Mel Gibson. I love most of the movies that he makes and I think that he is a cool guy.

Mel messed up on monday by getting drunk, getting into a car, and then making anti-semetic remarks to a couple of officers who pulled him over.

Mel has recently apologized to everyone involved and then some.

Now I do think that he was totally in the wrong for getting drunk in public and getting into a car and then making racist remarks, because he is in the public scene. He is a Christian who has stood up for his beliefs, and that makes him automatically in the spotlight. When you are in the spotlight for standing up for something you better live that way.

However, I do not agree with the way that Hollywood is handling the situation. People are freaking out. Making statments like "I'm never going to work with him or see any of his movies."

This is the orginization that has had more deaths involving drugs, more scandal, more sex, more racial problems, and more money then any other orginization in the nation.

If you don't agree with Mel's actions and words, stop putting racial sterotypes in your movies.
Producers, writers, and directors will make the argument that, racisim is a reality of life, and that is true but if we keep sterotyping races than racism is not going to stop.

I know people screw up and when they are drunk they lose control of their words and actions. Mel Gibson has no excuse for his behavior but Hollywood has no excuse for their's either.

The reason that they are standing up against him is because he has been standing up for his beliefs, for the past couple of years.

Oh and the reality of the Passion which apparantly is the anti-semetic movie that Mel came out with is that the Jews historically sent Jesus to be cruxified. Like it or not that is the reality of the situation. That is not anti-semetic, that's the truth.

A new Adventure

I have 20 days left until I go back to school.

That seems outlandish to me.

It's weird to live with a group of people for a year and then separate for three months. Three months is a mountain of time, and could completely change your lifestyle.

I'm really ready.

Haha 20 days.

Dirty socks

Don't be ashamed of the dirty socks that are hidden under the bed. When you find them wear them with diginity and pride during the day. Run, jump, and sit in the dirty socks that were found. At the end of the night take off those socks that have been lived in and shove them right back under the bed.

One day you will find them and you will smell them. After that smell you will realize that there has to be a bad smell so you can recognize the good smells in the world.

If we don't experience the bad, we will never live the good out to it's fullest.

70 years

Psalm 90:10
The length of our days is seventy years- or eighty, if we have the strength; yet their span is but trouble and sorrow, for they quickly pass, and we fly away.

There are 25,550 days in 70 years.

I have already lived 6,935

I have 18,615 days left to live if I am lucky.

When are you going to start living?

Awake

God is doing big things.

I'm just glad I'm awake for it.

God tore me out of bed last night.

The title is truth in all it's entirity. God tore me out of bed last night.

It all started with the idea of a sword. Actually it started with Shawn Williams' sermon illustration about laying your sword down before God and pledging your alliegance to God. He used this illustration at CIY two summer's ago and it was one of his best messages that I have ever heard. Then I remembered that Shawn always called his Bible the sword. So while all these thoughts were being swirled around I also realized that swords were used for hand to hand combat and it was a tool that was used for protection.

While all these thoughts were stewing God was calling me to get up and write them down. Thoughts like this late at night is an often occurance and I usually jot them down in the morning if I remember them and that is an often occurance in itself. But, I finally got out of bed after an hour of nudging and came up with something greater than myself.

I then was told to look up Galations 5 which, hit on exactly what God was telling me. Weird huh? God works in incredible and nagging ways.

UFC

Just finished watching UFC. It was intense up until the last two fights which were wimpy and kind of flip flopped. If you watched, you know what I mean.

The UFC reminds me of the Roman Collisium. It is two guys in the ring fighting until someone gets knocked out or the round ends. So, i guess it's a little more civilized. While the Romans sent prisoners in to the ring to fight lions, gladiators, and other prisoners to the death, the ultimate theme is still the same.

Proof of something. The Romans and the UFC'ers want and need to prove something to their fans and to themselves. They need to prove that they are not only strong enough to survive but also to dominate.

And that strength is what captivated me. I could not stop watching these fights. Punch by kick, I was hooked and got really involved. I had stepped out of the room I was in and was there. It was a cool and invergerating experience.

All they need now...is swords.

'Peace like a River'

"My sister, Swede, who often sees to the nub, offered this: People fear miracles because they fear being changed-though ignoring them will change you also. Swede said another thing, too, and it rang in me like a bell: No miracle happens without a witness. Someone to declare, Here's what I saw. Here's how it went. Make of it what you will."- Peace like a River, by Leif Enger.

Miracles are the magnificant creativities that display the power of who God is by reversing the systen that He, himself created. They are the reactions of men who understand that feeling the wind is a simple precaution to the storm that is ahead. The earth fights the miracles that God presents us with but they are truly divine and cannot be denyed.

However, God is creative, so his creations will not ever resemble the actualities of each other. All of God's miracles are different, even though occasionally they seem to look a like.

Don't miss the floating creativity of God while living in the background of gravity.

The Beauty of the Gospel

I was in small group on Thursday night and we were talking about what it means to live an offensive live.

One of the girls in my smizzle grizzle started talking about the beauty of the gospel. The captivating character of God. She stated that the gospel wasn't offensive but the way people took it was. She also said that we shouldn't be trying to live an offensive life, we should be trying to live a life drawn into the presence of God, and many situations will follow.

To live an offensive life is to realize that you are in a story that cannot be controlled but can be lived. It is a story that captivates all of us. It is a story that allows the greatness of God to be apart of our every day lives.

The thing is that to live this life is to follow the holy spirit around. We don't that do that. The H.S. is not a fixture in our faith and is something that is not regularly talked about. How can we learn from God, and follow Christ, if we are not be led by the Spirit.

Any thoughts?

Extremity

Kelly Shea needed to get gas and I needed to get gum so we stopped off at the old gas station on Washington and Gartner. I walked in and was wearing my S.W.A.P shirt.

The guy behind the counter asked me what it meant and I told him it was an acronim for Serving with a Purpose. We ended up getting into a conversation about what that meant and who Community was and he told me that he actually attends A.A. meetings on Friday nights at the yellow box. He then told me that the guy who owned that gas station actually goes to CCC with his six kids. Crazy huh?

I finally just gave him my email and told him he should come and check out our small group.

The only problem is that I forget to tell him my name, and I forgot to get his. So the no named gas clerk hopefully will email me and I can learn his name.

Whoops. I'll update later to tell what happens.

Being offensive on the offense.

I was talking to my old stucopastor, Shawn Williams, this guy is a huge influence in the realm of multiplying student leaders and student worship locations. He is also a personal influence in my own life and has shaped me as a leader and as thinker. To all of the Lincolnites who consider my thinking anylitical it is mainly because of this guy.

So we were talking about the terrorists who were planning to attack the Sears Tower. I was asking him how we can live out our lives as Christians and still interact with these men and women who are just as devout in their faith.

Shawn took a different angle, as usual, and looked at Christ and the disciples lives as a map to how we should interact with different faiths. He stated that these men were on the offense, they never reacted to anything. Their cause was bigger than they were. However, they offended people left and right. They proclaimed the gospel on the offense but they proclaimed it in a way that was offensive.

We then continued to talk abou the fact that we can live morally right lives but that isn't going to change lives. Even pagans can live morally right lives and still not proclaim Christ. It comes down to a conversation.

So is there a balance. My generation is being fed the emeregant church bit. That relationships are essential. But then there is this old idea hanging there. Which is diolouge. The idea of offending someone is highly out of the question, but why? When did we get so concerned about what other people think.

So in essence, how do we proclaim the gospel on the offense yet live it out in a way thats offensive?

House-sitting

I am house sitting/dog sitting this week for my very good friends the Plassmans. Their dog is awesome but gets up at butt early in the morning, which means I get up at butt early in the morning. So to waste time until I actually have to do something I watch the news, because I love the news, and the best part is that they have the BBC channel.

Well, I was watching the news the other day and the top story was the fact that Bush went over to Bahgdad and hung out with the prime minister. Then he came back and spoke to our American reporters about why he went, ect. Some things I noticed about his public speaking were this;

1.) He stuttered when he read...he went to an IV school right?
2.) He spoke and read his speech like he had never heard of any of the ideas that he was supposed to have helped create.
3.) He used the word 'wise' a lot, which I commend him for.
4.) He mocked a blind man?

So I was thinking while watching Bush give his speech what the Biblical view of the war should be. I actually brought it up to my small group last night. What is the Christian view saying versus what Christ says. What is the essence and being of War? What is the essence and being of this war, if you can call it that? What is going to happen when Bush gets out of office? Is there a vision? I think that, the Presidency is flawed in that way. We elect a president who has a specific vision for our country and then four to eight years later we elect a different president who has a completley different vision.

Well that's all I'v got to say about that.

Addiction

So I'm addicted to caffeine, and I'm going through withdrawal right now because I figure if I am reaming my brother on smoking I shouldn't be addicted to caffeine. Yesterday was my first day since I hadn't had any and it was awful. I was tired, irritable, I was nauseas, and my body freaked out. By the time I went to bed I couldn't sleep because I felt awful. I woke up with the same headache I went to sleep with.

Oh did I mention that I work in a coffee shop. Yea, that helps. Today I'm drinking decaf, hoping that the placebo effect will occur. I almost gave in this morning but fought the urge.

Taking it day by day.

Alchemy

" What is the alternatvie to religion as we know it? As it turns out, this the wrong question to ask. Chemistry was not an "alternative" to alchemy; it was a wholesale exchange of ignorance at its most rococo for genuine knowledge. We will find that, as with alchemy, to speak of "alternatives" to religious faith is to miss the point"- Sam Harris, The End of Faith, Religion, Terror, and the Future of Reason

You control the conversation by asking the right question. Science doesn't get rid of a theory even if it sucks. Look at phlogiston. How do we ask the right question....

Promise Kept

"And what more shall I say? I do not have time to tell about Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthath, David, Samuel, and the prophets, who through faith conquered kingdoms, administered justice, and gained what was promised;

who shut the mouths of lions, quenched the fury of the flames, and escaped the edge of the sword; whose weakness was turned into strength; and who became powerful in battle and routed foreign armies.

Others were tortured and refused to be released, so that they might gain a better resurrection.

Some faced jeers and flogging, while others were chained and put in prison. They were stoned; they were sawed in two; they were put to death by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted, and mistreated-

They wandered in deserts and mountains, and in caves and holes in the ground.

These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them recieved what had been promised. God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect."

Hebrews 12:32-40

Fights within non-tradition

So I have recently come across a pretty interesting debate between Brian McLaren and Marc Driscoll about homosexuality. I personally side with Brian McLaren on this issue. Driscoll sounds like he just wants to pick a fight with McLaren over a lot more than this subject.

Also I found Driscolls comment at the end of his response to McLaren pretty offense and totally out of context. Driscoll failed to present his opinion intellectually and even biblically, but decide for yourself who is in the right.

http://blog.christianitytoday.com/outofur/archives/2006/01/brian_mclaren_o.html- this is Brian's first article

http://blog.christianitytoday.com/outofur/archives/2006/01/brian_mclaren_o_2.html- this is Driscoll's response

Biking is good for your health....so are friends...and good things, like community.

This morning my best friend Alison and I woke up at 4:30 to ride our bikes to church so she could open the cafe. I've become a wierd morning person. And Ali's wierd in general. So it's been a fun morning. Anyway, she decided to start riding her bike to church for two reasons. They are as follows:
1. She's lacking in the vehicle department and rollerblading to church has proved dangerous in the past... lets just say someone who wasn't alison and might have been me might not have known how to operate the brakes on her own blades and may or may not have been inches from

death on rickertt.

2. The fresh air will do her good
Sitting in the cafe this morning, I realize more and more the beauty of community. Donald Miller speaks well on the method of personalized spirituality that is projected in so much Christian teaching today. He goes on to point out that Biblically, community and faith go hand in hand. When I try to grow in a vaccuum, (even that of a Christian community) I begin to lose the relational ability to connect with people in a relevent, empathetic way. I get caught up in my development and my thoughts and faith becomes something that is driven by a strange selfishness. I think its safe to say that a lack of shared faith can lead to a lot of spiritual pride. Have you ever been discouraged by a Christian leader who isn't able to admit struggle or weakness? It leaves others in the community with a feeling of shame and an inability to connect at a heart level. The community as a whole misses out. When we practice this self-involved faith, we reject the fullness God offers us in the community he has created us for, and take away from those whose stories are inseperable from our own: friends, co-workers, leaders, aquaintences, those we are leading, people we chat with on a plane... Why is it that I find myself experiencing guilt when I realize I'm lonely? Because too often and too casually Christian culture reminds us that we must only rely on God, never man. And while this is true in the sense that God is our first love and the only One who will never let us down, i think an evil misconception seeps in that to need others is to be weak, to be lacking in faith. I love that God has created us as relational beings, and love the community he has surrounded me with. Amidst hardship and change and confusion there have always been these beautiful people who I've gotten to share life with. I pray that God will continue to reveal to me how to love recklessly.
written by Alison's best friend-the great and ohh so humble Kelly Shea

Answered prayers

God answered my prayer through small bills on Friday night.

Innovators

So I work at one of the most influential churches in the country. I am the affectionate face that everyone sees when they walk in the front doors.

Yep, that's right...I make the coffee.

Which is a good job because I not only get to meet new people everyday, I also get to serve the staff of the church.

These people are the cutting edge leaders in America today. The innovators of the mega church world. These minds are brilliant and these people are the adrenaline pumping, risk takers of vocational ministry.

So you would think that this risk taking, and innovation would branch into their coffee drinking.
Not true. These staff members like what they like and they are not willing to change that.

As one staff member told me this morning, "We need something stable in our lives, something that's consistent and the same."

To all those who enjoy their cafe' o lays, skim lattes with two packets of splenda, their vanilla caramel chai frappes, and their safari sunset ice teas with honey I salute you, and will continue to make those drinks so that you may feel some consistency in life!

Questions

So as I was openening today I was thinking about my first semester of college. I have discovered that God totally blessed me with my first year. I had the best classes, with the best proffesors or all kind. I also met some of my closest friends my first semester. It was a blast.

I realized this because I think that one of the biggest problems at Bible college is the fact that everyone is afraid to ask questions. It happened to me second semester. I just stopped asking questions in class because I was afraid I would look stupid, or worse heretical.

That scares the crap out of me, literally. If I stop asking questions how in the world am I going to help people in ministry? If I stop being invested in and growing how in the world am I supposed to help people grow?

To all who are in college, highschool, jurnior high, Ask questions!

To all who are out of college...do the same.

To everyone in life...ask questions! Get curious about life. If we don't ask questions we start assuming and you know what happens then.

The world ends, because no one knows what really is going on, and we end up electing a communist/socialist marxist who thinks that the best thing for the American people is apple jacks with chocolat milk.

"Home is where the Heart Is"

So, I moved home last week. It was really hard. I had no desire to come home, but I know that God has placed me here for a couple of different reasons.

It was fascinating how in the beginning of the year I felt like I was leaving my family and last week I had that same feeling. I had developed such rich and incredible friendships this year. Friendships that really are soul filled. I didn't think that I would have such a sadness on moving home but then I realized that part of my heart is in Lincoln. Actually more like there are different parts of my heart around the midwest because I seemed to have given it away to those whom I loved at Lincoln.

My heart has been scattered around the midwest...some of it is in Mexico and some of it is in the foggy streets of London. As I look around I see my heart in different parts of this place too. I have invested and developed great relationships with certain people here in my 'home' town and it is like slipping my hand back into a fitted glove in the summer time. It feels good because it fits, but it tends to sweat and become uncomfortable after awhile because its the wrong season.

My "home" are the people that have captured my heart.

"American Beauty"

So, I have come home, and God moved right when I stepped into my old room, but that's for another time and place.

I have finished the book Captivating, and it was Amazing. Stasi and John Eldredge write it together and it is a book about what it means to be a women of God. Yea, that was my reaction to it too. I scoffed at it all year until I sat down and read it and my calling from God has cleared up a bit more. It's still extremley blurry but I feel like God is slowly making things known to me.

I see women like Joyce Meyer and Beth Moore who are women of great faith and great teaching, but their primary audience is to women. This role needs to be filled because women need leaders who they can learn from and who they can relate to. I am not one of those women.

My role, my calling, is to bring beauty back to the church, through communication and leadership. I'm not talking about the beauty the world seems to be fixated on, I'm talking about the beauty that is found in Christ alone. The beauty that was given to Eve on the day of her creation. The beauty that made God think that things were "very good."

It is a beauty of feirceness and gentleness. This beauty has been stripped from the church and needs to be nurterd back to health. Joyce Meyer and Beth Moore have started that nurturing with women of their generation, and with the family.

I want to start that nurturing with the leaders of the church. I want to see this beauty be brought to the stages of every church so that the men can be called back to the strength of who they are meant to be.

Sickness

I'm sick of Postmodernism.

Give me something solid, concrete, real.

crazy friday nights

me and my two closest friends at lcc, jess and scotty

me, scotty, mel, corbin
me, jess, mel

So I have had some interesting and adventurous friday nights, but this one tops the charts. A buntch of my friends and I decided to go to Buffolo Wild Wings for dinner. We ended up taking three cars but by mishap at the end of dinner there were six people crammed in one car. So off we went to first Wal-Mart and the Meyjer we were on a mission to find the game Balderdash which we did and while in these stores we also played the game follow the leader.

We then headed back to Lincoln to play the game that we had purchased, now you would think that is where the night ends. However, you would be mistaken. At around 11 the game ended and we decided that we wanted to get into mischief. So Scotty, Corbin, Nick, Christy, and I headed off to find an Adventure of some sorts. We ended up in Kenny in the basement of a school with one of the largest boilers I have ever seen. We then went to Clinton from there. One of our last stops was a one room school house, and this is where our tail takes a turn for the worse.

We only had one flashlight inside the school house and we heard this noise. It was a scratching noise of some sort coming from the basement. As we shifted our weight suddenly our good friend Scotty fell through the floor, and what he saw was something that he couln't really describe. He stood up after gaining his balance and saw a man, bending over and eating something. Scotty didn't know what it was, it could have been an animal or a small child. Well that will get you running in the first place, but the only problem was the mean dog that was gaurding the stairs. As we watched in horror I knew we had to do something. So three of my companions and I decided to distract the dog so Scotty could get away. We headed down the stairs and started taunting him. Which was good enough for him. He lunged at us with his foaming mouth and we ran. So did Scotty. As we all ran down the long road to the car all we could hear was the dog chasing after us and the pounding of our own hearts. We all got in and started driving away.

We all still wonder who that man was and what he was eating, but some things are left untold.

I love the Foo Fighters. There are many bands that have filled my time up in the last three months, but I can always come back to the Foos and they treat me with the utmost respect.

I think that redemption is one of the most beautiful images I have ever encountered.

Shower Time

Last semester, there were lines occasionally in the shower room. Everyone was on their own and if you were late to class then it usually was because someone was taking a long shower. Usually it didn't matter but this morning it was different.

You know you have become a communal floor when the girls know each others schedules and are asking each other if they want to take a shower first. I know this doesn't sound like a big deal but God has transformed this floor in such a short time.

I guess that happens after eight months living with each other. It was cool to listen to, this morning.

God is Good.

Book Plug

So I recently bought Brian MCLaren's new book the Secret Message of Jesus, which I am quite excited to read but I am not allowed to read it until I get home. My friend also bought it today and said that he fell alseep reading the first chapter, but I'm still holding out for it.

Instead I am going to read his book Generous Orthodoxy, which I have been avoiding kind of.

I'm just really really excited about my new purchase and I am excited to get challeged. Pick it up if you get a chance.

Children are like dogs, if you hit them enough there going to think they did something to deserve it.

Death strikes again

There are very few things that absolutley infuriate me and one of those things is death. My roommate used to work at Taylor University, in the cafeteria and five students have died and four of my roommates co-workers ended up in intensive care in the hospital because they got into a car wreck last night.

Well one of my roomies co-workers actually died this morning. I hate what death does to the human soul and how it tries to tear apart what God originally put together. Its hard because i love my roommate a lot and there has only been two other moments where i have really cried because of the hurt that another person is going through. I had my third experience like that tonight with my roommate.

Death sucks. I hate it.

Stupid Christianity

Yap, that's right...Have you ever run into one of these? Every church has one or more if they are lucky. Stupid Christians. I use this term fluently in saying that there are certain Christians who are sadly stupid. In a specific way...

These are the kind of people who know the message and hear God's voice and blantanly ignore Him. Christians who are making poor decisions, and who are justifying those poor decisions with the idea that Jesus loves them, and that people should love them just as they are.

News FLASH- Christ calls us to himself. Christ states that we are called to be mature in the faith, so that we can know what is right and so we can grow eating the solid food Christ gives us. We are called to know the difference between what is right and what is wrong, and we are also called to know that if we do not do the right thing, we are sinning.

I just find Christians who are consciously sinning to be stupid. The whole idea that we can continue to consciously sin and hear God clearly enough to follow his spirit is full of blatant stupidity.

Mockers grow up. You know the Truth, so start living it out.

WalMart

Isn't it intresting how our environment can shape our ideas.

I recently got an email to be a rep. for WalMart, and the first thought I had was No. The reason being is that they are not unized and they also treat their employees with disrespect. The reason I stick by the union thing is because my mom is part of a union and when they go on strike they are told not to go to WalMart because it would be misrepresenting what the union idea stands for.

I just thought it was something to quickly write about so I can enhance the idea later in life.

shocked

Naperville woman, friend tangle with wrong 'victim'
Sharp-eyed, 88-year-old widow foils purse snatching
By Bill Bird
\
STAFF WRITERST. CHARLES She was supposed to have been their "pigeon." She turned out to be more like an eagle-eyed raptor.
Despite suffering a fractured left knee and head bruises after being flung to the sidewalk, an 88-year-old woman managed to turn the tables on two purse snatchers, giving police a detailed description of her attackers and the license plate number of their getaway car.
That enabled police to arrest a man and a woman on felony charges of robbery and aggravated battery in the case, said Paul McCurtain, public information officer for the St. Charles Police Department.

Bond was set Tuesday at $50,000 for Alise L. Hockett, 20, of 7S428 Plainfield-Naperville Road in the unincorporated Green Acres neighborhood near Naperville's west side; and at $75,000 for Marcus A. Montgomery, 30, of 39W791 Dairy Herd Lane, St. Charles.
McCurtain said the trouble began at 10:22 a.m. Monday on the 300 block of Oak Street in St. Charles, just west of the city's downtown area. The victim, a widow from Geneva, had come to town for an appointment with a professional tax preparer, McCurtain said.
Hockett allegedly walked up to the woman and distracted her while Montgomery approached her unseen, McCurtain said. A scuffle ensued after Montgomery grabbed the victim's purse and she resisted him.

McCurtain said the woman was pushed to the ground with enough force that she fractured her left knee and sustained bruising to the left side of her head.
Hockett and Montgomery took the purse and fled in a vehicle as the victim lay on the sidewalk, McCurtain said. Despite her injuries, the woman "was able to provide police with a description of the offenders, as well as the license plate of (their) vehicle," he said.
An emergency radio broadcast concerning the crime was heard by Geneva police, who curbed the vehicle just after 11 a.m. near a strip mall, McCurtain said.

Montgomery and Hockett were taken to the St. Charles police station for questioning. The victim was released from Delnor-Community Hospital in Geneva after undergoing treatment there for her injuries.

McCurtain praised the woman for remaining calm and alert during her ordeal, calling her "a very, very sharp witness."

Hockett and Montgomery are charged with robbery of a person over the age of 60, aggravated battery of a senior citizen and aggravated battery on a public way, all felonies. They are scheduled to be arraigned April 13 in Kane County Circuit Court in Yorkville.

Alise Hockett is a good friend of mine from highschool who actually attended my highschool small group. I think that God is moving through this situation though.

The Beauty of Surrender

Take my heart and lay it down.
at the feet of you whose crowned
and take my life and letting go
I lift it up to you whose throwned.

And I will worshhip you Lord, only you Lord
And I will bow down, before you, only you Lord

Take my fret, take my fear, all I have im leaving here
Be all my hopes, be all my dreams
your my delight sweet my everthing

And I will worship you Lord only you Lord
And I will bow down, before you, Only you Lord

And its just you and me here now
Only you and me here now

And it's just you and me here now
Only you and me here now.....

words written.

I miss Kelso.

I remember at fusion last year when he kneeled down on shawn's shoes and pulled his pants up really high and mocked shawn. It was really funny. We played jenga and would think up funny things to say before we pulled out each block. I remember that Sunday he was going to each lunch with his grandparents and I remember the last look he gave me before he left.

I remember going on my first mission trip with him, and doing chicken wire the hard way.

I remember tag preaching my frist sermon with him.

I remember when he would teach me new games on wednesday nights and we played one that involved rock paper scissors.

I remember the time that he told me I could keep the video camera on, on the plane even though we were landing and all electronics needed to be turned off.

I remember getting excited about school with him.

I love the memories even the hard ones.

hard day

us so i don't blog about my days specifically but i decided to do it today. I strangly had a hard day. I cleaned some and sat down with Ezekiel today and talked with him and at the end of the conversation I was blown away by the experiences that he has with God and after the first real experience he lands in a camp and it says he stays there-overwhelmed.

That's something i can relate to. The feeling of being overwhelmed, and i feel like that was my main feeling today. I sat down and read some of my books for class about Biblical interperatation which was half interesting and half overwhelming. What does the Truth really look like and who's right in interperating it? Which i know isn't even the right question to ask.

Then I entered into some pretty challenging conversations. Some questions that I came up against were questions I had no answers to. At least not at the moment.

I just feel like i have a lot of information and I don't have anything to do with it. It's like I am constantly sitting and listening to sermons about what I should do and how i should live but there is not application at the end of the message. I guesse that is what I have to get too.

I guesse that is where faith comes in...a lot of different ideas.

Reaching out

So I have recently discovered Henri Nouwen's book Reaching Out on my bookshelf and decided to pick it up.

He blew my mind.

This is an amazing statement that is just in the introduction.

"During our life we become more aware not only of our crying lonliness but also of our real desire for a solitude of the heart; we come to the painful realization not only of our cruel hostilities but also our hope to recieve our fellow humans with unconditional hospitality; and underneath all of this we discover not onlyl the endless illusions which make us act as if we are masters of our fate but also the precarious gift of prayer hidden in the depth of our innermost self."

I actually read the first chapter as well and encourage everyone to pick this book up.