4 Years

I started this blog in 2005 to record the different things that I would experience in college. As I look back on the different postings I have seen a huge change from where I was as an eighteen year old girl to who I am as a twenty one year old women.

I have seen, heard, tasted, and experienced things I never thought I would in four years. I have been across oceans, across borders, across cultural divides. I have tried to end my blog a dozen or so times in my effort to walk away from my self-reflective life, but I always learned something new that impacted my walk with Christ and so I needed to communicate it to someone.

In the last four years I have thought about giving up my faith, feeling that it was foolish and silly and based on myth, but the more I learn the less I feel like I know, and the less I know shows me that I am a small part of creation. This revelation has shown me that sometimes there is no good choice to choose, sometimes our human limitations keep us from God, sometimes sin allows for grace.

I have changed mentally along this way and last night was my last learning lesson of 2008. Waylon took me out to dinner and to a movie and we were driving back to Lincoln. We were talking about the many things that happened in 2008 and the many things that were going to continue to happen as we grow together.

It then hit me; our life is going to soon be over. Sure we have, hopefully another sixty, maybe seventy years left, but that's it. Then the trip is over. Waylon made a very insightful statement, "I think people realize that life is going to fly so they work as hard as they can, but I just want to snuggle and talk as many walks as I can." My fiance has faced death in the face on more than one occasion and has realized that life can be as simple as we make it.

So, this year I am going to make each moment count. I am going to take as many walks as I can, I am going to have as many conversations as I can, I am going to represent Jesus as much as I can through my actions. While, this may look like a 'resolution' it is more of a faith statement. I am going to stop being afraid of humanity and I am going to start trusting God.

Because life is just a myriad of different moments that could be linear or could be cyclical, but they are just that, a myriad of different moments.

Moments that contain a certain number of breaths, a certain number of looks, and a certain number of words.

"The ice is thin enough for walking, the rope is worn enough to climb, throat is dry enough for talking, the world is crumbling but I know why.

Storm is wild enough for sailing, bridge is weak enough to cross, spine is frail enough for fighting, I'm home enough to know I'm lost.

It's just enough to be strong, in the broken places, in the broken places. It's just enough to be strong, should the world rely on faith tonight?"

The land unfair enough for planting, barren enough to conceive, poor enough to gain the treasure, enough a cynic to believe, enough a cynic to believe.

It's just enough to be strong, in the broken places, in the broken places. It's just enough to be strong, should the world rely on faith tonight?

Confuse enough o know direction, sun eclipsed enough to shine, still enough to find me trouble, see enough to know I'm blind, see enough to know I'm blind.

Just enough to be strong in the broken places, in the broken places, Just enough to be strong should the world rely on faith tonight?

Should the world rely on faith tonight?"

Through my moments in the next four years, I long to be within Christ.