Things I like.

I like wearing Cubs hats and attending Cubs games.

I like a well done movie that gets me thinking.

I like dressing up and wearing nice jewelry.


I like the combination of ketchup and mustard.

I like community bathrooms.

I like pink toilet paper.

I like early alternative 90's rock and roll.

I like two pillows.

I like walking bare foot.

I like reading philosophy journals.

I like day light.

I like a completley dark room for movie watching.

I like socks.

I like eating weird stuff.

I like mixing popcorn and m&m's.

I like smiling at people that normally don't get smiled at.

I like fireworks.

I like fairytales.

I like the way the sky looks like over the country.

I like going to things on thier openeing day.

I like swivel chairs.

I like listening to people's conversations.

I like discussing things that I don't understand.

I like when two voices come together in perfect harmony.

I like when my dad plays piano.

I like it when it rains and I am wearing my cottin skirt.

I like puddles.

I like pudding.

I like to swoosh jelly in my cheeks before I swallow it.

I like making people laugh.

I like being clumsly.

I like doing things unconventionally through the conventional.


I like taking good pictures.

I like hugging my mom.

I like hearing my neice laugh.

I like playing nintendo with my sister.

These are just a few things that I like about my life. What are some things that you like?

The Divine

Mr. Leeds: Does man kind deserve to be saved?

Cleavland Heap: What?

Mr. Leeds: Man?

Cleavland Heep:pauses... Yes

The ultimate question occurs in this simple dialogue that occurs in Lady in the Water between the main character and a side character. Cleavland's family was murdered and his life was never the same. When Cleavland meets Story, the lady in the water, his purpose becomes clear, but not until the end of the story.

He is on a mission to save this mythical creature and in his journey this simple conversation takes place.This question that has been on the mind of people for centuries and in a time like this is even more prevalent.Does man kind really deserve to be saved?"Well does man kind deserved to be saved? This seems to be the ultimate question that historians, philosophers, and theologians have been trying to answer for as long as historians, philosophers and theologians have been around. Any one can see that the world is not perfect.

I would normally write that the world is imperfect but that would assume that the world was perfect when it was first created.

So to define this idea of perfection one must first start at the beginning. The creation of the world and humanity must be discussed before one can discuss the state in which the world and humanity finds itself. If you have been apart of the public school system in America you would have been at an advantage because you have been introduced to two kinds of solutions to the start of the world.

There is a maraud of options when coming to the beginning of the world. While I could disengage you by taking you through all of these options I will choose not to and focus primarily on what I find indubitably important. And in my case there are only two major ideas behind the creation of the world. Now there are many options behind those two ideas in which I encourage all to delve into but today I will present two and only two. For if I presented more than two you would think that the point of this work would be simply to inform you on the way the earth was made.

However, it is not, because I could not truly inform you on how the world was made since I was not there. Although if I was there I still probably wouldn’t tell you how it was made because you wouldn’t believe me and then you would label me insane and you would throw me away somewhere. So either way I will not inform you on how the world was made I will introduce two options.

The first simply being Evolution and the second simply being Creation. Now please do not take me as a simple minded creature just because I am suggesting two options to the making of our world. I suggest only two because if I suggested more you would get bored and again I would lose myself in those reading this only for arguments sake.

We have these two options of the making of the world. One that is simply erotic and random and one that has structure and development. One that is made from molecular combustion and one that was creatively planned out and put together by a Divine.

Evolution, being the substance of constant change. Every gene has been morphed to create a more complex gene. However this idea is not about time, its about the shared ancestor that we are uniquely connected with. This ancestor gave the commonality of life to us through the uncommon. This option gives us a scientifically driven idea based on short leaps of belief and faith. This theory has holes, hence the fact that it is not a fact. While Evolution is a viable option to the creation of the earth and to human kind it is not the only one. However, when humans start displaying superhuman powers I may lean towards this option more than the other.

The second option of course is Creation. This option introduces three characters and a scene. The first character being the divine- A God/gods of some sort. The second character being the creating of creation itself. And the third generally being the human aspect of the created idea. This human aspect is often created in a unique way apart from the rest of creation giving reason to believe that humans are worth more.

This creation is then lived upon and usually the God/gods and the humans make a deal, or a bargain concerning their relationship and creation itself. In the Egyptian realm the humans were there to serve the gods and to take care of them. This is a running theme throughout the creation story. The idea that humans were created to serve and care for the God/gods themselves.

Another reason why humans were created was to occupy the earth. The God/gods did not want to work the earth and take care of it so the humans were created to take care of the earth while the God/gods stayed away and played in idleness.

The last reason is that the God/gods created humanity to love and care for the earth and to be loved and cared for by the God/gods themselves. This is often found in the Judeo-Christian world view and is found to be quite a popular selection in our culture. However, many people would so much rather go with the first option of how the world was made 45%1 of Americans claim to be born again, which means 45% of Americans claim to believe in this idea of Creation. Also 21%2 of Americans are Catholic which holds this view of creation as well. Which means that 66% of Americans are Creationists by generalizing default. This doesn’t include the Jewish stats and the Muslim stats in America which I’m sure if we took a tally we would find a large percentage of Creationists by generalization. I therefore, apologize for any generalizations that have been made but lets be bluntly honest, our world is made up of generalizations, so I don’t feel that bad.

If we are going to look at this existence between the God/gods and humans we must come to a self realization along with a societal realization. Somewhere, some how, some one messed up. I say this purely for the moral and ethical reasons that are presented by the reality of this ‘imperfect’ world. The reason that our culture can reject this idea is because we consider law and morality to be the same thing. Unfortunately we would be quite wrong in the world we live in now. We live in an amoral world, so all of our laws are primarliy arbituary sociol laws. They are laws that are simply made to keep order. The first couple of areas we must investigate are the ones that are so recognizable that they have faded into the background.

Bad and Good.

The simplicity of these two words can be summed up in a child. "You want to be a good little girl right?" This statement has echoed our lives and we have been entrapped with being "good." Good and bad has been taught to us at and early age. It’s a way to categorize things. When I taste warm apple pie combined with the creamy sensation of vanilla ice cream I declare it good. When I put a raisin in my mouth or a white castle slider, I declare it bad. While these are simple illustrations that is what children are taught. Hence the stereotype of the physical. Good and Bad is strictly a physical guideline to life and does not encounter the internal being at all. I grew up thinking bullies were bad so I separated myself from them declaring myself good. I grew up thinking homelessness was bad. So I separated myself from that and declared myself good. This mind set carried me through my child hood and haunted my young adult hood. These ideas of good and bad cannot truly exist in this way simply because they are absolutes. Another way to put it is to paint a picture on a big canvas. Paint one side white, and paint the other side black. When declaring this kind of absolute we have forgotten that when we declare it we realize that black and white then cannot affect each other.

Black is on one side of the painting while White is on the other side. This is not true in real life. I guess you could separate yourself from the "bad" people but really who declares you "good"? Do you believe that you have obtained morality in it’s truest form because you can recognize the bad and stay away from it. I must tell you at once you have found yourself in the good and bad realm of thinking and this kind of thinking is non-existent in real life.

You cannot separate yourself from something else because you are not absolute. You are not a concrete idea. You are a person that has the ability to do good and bad. To love and to hate. To see and to be blinded. To give life and to blatantly murder. Good and Bad are too concrete and to ideal to truly live out anyway. No one can truly be good unless they are absolute and no one can actually be absolute unless they are pure and not one can be pure unless they are divine.

Good and Bad are no longer contestants in the Beauty pageant of the moral.
So then we must conclude that to obtain the absolute life one must never adhere and shape their lives around the Good and Bad simply because they don’t truly exist.


Right and Wrong.

Once again another absolute. Except right and wrong are not as clear as good and bad simply because right and wrong become situational absolutes. They still are defined by great lines and rules except they are on a broader scope. If we have ever been in a situation of ratting out a friend we must come to the realization that Good and bad are clearly cut off from truly right and wrong. What is the right thing to do? This is the statement that we continue to ask ourselves.
This comes to every young person in that situation. That moment when the marijuana gets passed around, that moment when the vodka gets passed, that moment when they come into line with their consciousness. While Good and Bad was concerned with only the physical reality Right and Wrong bring the consciousness into the picture.

The consciousness and the being itself start dialoguing and a new world is created. The lines then become drawn between the physical being and the internal consciousness itself. However many times the physical being wins the debate and gives into the physical desire. This is looked at by many as the flesh and soul struggle. The reality that the flesh then wins out and takes part in the earthly pleasures of the world. Catholics always seem to have a hard time with this struggle.

While the painting in Bad and Good is black and white on two different sides the painting in the Right and Wrong would look like a splotch of white and dark all over the painting. The good and bad obviously play into the presupposition of the right and wrong. Hence the continuos paint of black and white except the absolutes aren’t concretely defined. The only thing that is absolute is the painting itself. As long as this painting is still in existence then the absolute is still in existence. This kind of thinking creates the being itself to adopt the idea that they are the divine. They have control over what they do and what happens.

Morality then doesn’t exist if the being itself, is the divine because this means that the being has never been not created.

Right and Wrong also get knocked out of the pageant of morality because if the being makes these boundaries themselves morality is not needed.

Ivy Walker: When we are married, will you dance with me? I find dancing very agreeable. Why can you not say what is in your head?

Lucius Hunt: Why can you not stop saying what is in yours?

Why must you lead, when I want to lead?

If I want to dance I will ask you to dance. If I want to speak I will open my mouth and speak. Everyone is forever plaguing me to speak further.

Why? What good is it to tell you you are in my every thought from the time I wake?

What good can come from my saying that I sometimes cannot think clearly or do my work properly?

What gain can rise of my telling you the only time I feel fear as others do is when I think of you in harm?

That is why I am on this porch, Ivy Walker. I fear for your safety before all others. And yes, I will dance with you on our wedding night.

Scream

The screaming girl came out today. When I took math in highschool I developed a girl in my mind that screamed throughout the whole class so I wouldn't have to listen. Partly because I didn't understand it and partly because I was bored out of my mind.

That girl hasn't come out since my senior Algebra class but tonight she came out in full form.

I was sitting in my night class and every week two students lead the discussion. I wasn't really in the mood to attend class tonight and so I lasted about an hour and then the screaming started happening.

After the screaming girl appeard the space right above my professors head tore open and a lion jumped out onto one of the table's in the room. He suddenly roared and one of the wall's split in half. No one in the room seemed to notice this lion or that the wall had split in half. Then suddenly the lion went up to one of the students in the room and bit into his chest. He tore out his heart and the student continue to talk while his chest was bleeding. The lion ate the heart and then there was a sinkhole that formed in the floor. Suddenly penguins jumped out and started waddling all around the classroom. Pooping on people's notebooks and jumping up and down on their laps. This seemed untterly absurd until the little dwarf men who once were employed by the shoemaker, opened the door and declared war on all of the shoes the room.

At that point the tongues in everyone's shoes started spitting and drowning these little men.

This sudden uproar did not stir the other students in the room as they continued to talk about language, and the existence of doubt, and why Kierkegaard was so smart. They just talked and talked and the girl in my head screamed, and the penguins pooped, and the lion continued to stalk around the room, and the shoemaking men attacked the shoes and the shoes attacked back.

Then the class ended. I got up and everything seemed to go back to the way that everyone else sees it.

Divine Revelation; a Slinky, Some Mud, and a Climbing tree

"Carry the slinky around for next 48 hours, it will be your physical representation of Jesus. Don't over apply this, just bring it around everywhere you go and see what happens."

I sat on the other end of this phone conversation humored by this idea as well as utterley shocked.

"So, I'm supposed to carry this slinky around to every class?" I asked, thinking that my spiritual guide would rethink this absurd assignment and give me a more practical one.

"Yep."

I laughed but the next morning I got up for class and took this slinky with me. I put it in my pocket and it akwardly stuck out. I tried to hide it throughout my whole class, ashamed, that a 19 year old had brought a toy to class. After the day went on though I really considered it to be a representation of Jesus. No I am not a idol worshipper, but when I was holding it in my hand and having a conversation I weighed my words more carefully, when I forgot it(which I did three times) the significance of it weighed more deeply in my soul. When I was in public and I was holding it and got wierd looks I thought differently about the situaiton.

And then I headed out for a Preacher's Retreat and left my slinky behind. The whole weekend my professor taught about silence, solitude, and the significance of listening. He gave us ample time on Saturday morning to go out and explore the camp while remaining open in hearing what God was about to say to us.

I ended up going down to a bench that was on the edge of the pond. I walked over to the area and sunk in mud. I got mud all over the bottom of my jeans and my shoes. I couldn't concentrated because my feet had sunk into the ground.

"Lord speak I am listening," but I wasn't because I was too distracted by the mud. So I got up and walked a little to a field. I sat down in the middle of the field and tried to position myslef in a way where I wouldn't get any mud on any more of my clothes. No such luck. I got it everywhere and when I got up I felt more mud sink in on my backside.

Frustrated I walked some more and tried to quiet my mind. As I was walking down a road I noticed a split tree. It was so big that it was cut in quarters and some of it was cut down for fire wood. I had an urgency to climb it. I found a spot for my legs to hang and for my back to rest on and sat there and tried to listen.

"I am the vine; you are the branches" That verse kept repeating itself and I couldn't get away from it so I opened my Bible to John 15 and started reading. I read it multiple times and kept returning to 15:5

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me, and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."

God revealed the idea of true dependecny to me in that tree. I can do nothing without Christ. This is not just a ministry application, but a life application. I can't breath without Christ. I cannot sleep without Christ, I cannot get up in the morning without Christ.

God seemed to rip my pride down in one single whoosh and spend Saturday morning spending time with me and teaching me what he has been trying to teach me all year.

I am the vine; you are the branches.

A slinky, some mud, and a simple climbing tree are things God chose to use to teach me a ground breaking and life changing message.

Fear

"What's Happening! I thought I was going to be safe?" Cleavland- The Lady in the Water

We are not Safe until we realize this and cling to God, that, and only that, can bring us a sense of security, and even then we look absurd.

Lasting Conversation.

Dear Best Friend,

Earlier this week we had a short conversation about the rich young ruler and his inability to fully grasp what it looks like to follow Christ, because of his wealth. We, however, did not discuss fully this idea so I am writing you a short entry to enrich the possibility of my side of the discussion.

I do this by introducing two ideas; infinite resignation and faith. Both of these ideas I stole from Kierkegaard, but I know that these ideas apply to the story of the rich young ruler. Before I can discuss the story using these ideas I must first define them. Infinite resignation is the decision of following God. It is this negative religious experience that cleans house of all of your idols. This experience is negative because it is uncomfortable and transforms your life through the traditions that are held by the religion. When making this step one learns to renounce these 'worldly' things and even your life. This is the simplistic definition of infinite resignation. However, renouncing your 'worldly' things or even your life is not faith. Faith is the positive step that occurs when the leap of faith is involved. Faith is the life of the absurd. Faith is the continuous prolonged decision to take a leap into the unknown. Into the world of the transcendent. Faith is not a one time decision but is the constant absurdity of knowing that the only thing that can pull you through the absurdity is God himself. While Infinite resignation is vital to the walk of Christ because it causes us to renounce the World, Faith is not the essence of renouncing anything.

So when one looks at Mark 10 the question is not whether the rich man could grasp infinite resignation. Clearly he understood that fully from the first part of the dialogue between him and Jesus. However, that does not mean he grasped the faith of Jesus. This has nothing to do with the renouncing of his wealth but has everything to do with the radical absurdity of life itself which could only truly grasped in his situation by selling all of his things.

However, if the man went and sold all of his things and then gave everything to the poor only in infinite resignation he still would not grasp or understand what faith is. And he would have been blinded by his own deeds. That is why I declare that it is a theology issue.

The man himself looks at infinite resignation as the key to grasping eternal life, but clearly makes his sentiment clear by telling him to take a leap of faith by selling all of his things. But even if he did sell all of his things faith still would not have be fully grasped because faith in turn is a life long process.

This man cannot see that faith and eternity are at all connected because he walks away dismayed. But Jesus makes the connection in the end of this pricope. In the verses of 29-31. These verses bring back the idea that faith, or the absurd life, is clearly connected with the loss of true life.

So while you are correct about giving up something, I think the wealth is not the main point of the gospel. I also don't think that by giving up something you are actually grappling with faith itself. You are simply in the infinite resignation realm of life.

I would thoroughly enjoy continuing this conversation.

yours truly,

best friend.

Sitting

It was a hard day's work for Lincoln, as any day would be. He arrived home later than usual to find his son curled up, on a pillow in the corner. He found the mail on the dinning room table and noticed a card from his older sister, Kerry, who had been away on holiday.

Must be nice to go on holiday, Lincoln thought, as he tossed away the letter. He knew what it would say, because he received so many of the same letters. So he just threw it away along with all of the old memories that he had of her. She didn't interest him as she once did.

When they were kids, Kerry fascinated Lincoln with all of her know-how and how-do's. Even when they entered into their adolescence there was an intriguing quality about her. She seemed to carry herself well and could charm any one who walked into the room.

As they got older and entered into adulthood Kerry became the successful one in the family and left Lincoln behind. He wasn't necessarily bitter, he was just was tired. Tired of her meaningless chatter, tired of getting up at the same old timee, and going to work at the same old job, and eating the same old thing for lunch, and listening to the same old boss chatter away about his new SUV, and he was tired of her. Tired of the fact that while she was off 'saving the world' he was stuck mopping up the vomit after frat parties at the local university.

Lincoln grabbed a beer and headed over to his three year old son who was cuddled up against his favorite pillow. He picked him up slowly with one arm and set him against his chest while he flipped on the ten o'clock news.

Another robbery, another murder, another scandal, another celebrity mis-hap.

He flipped off the news in disgust and discouragement and felt a constant urge to put his son in his bed. After Lincoln did he walked back into the kitchen to fix himself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

He sat down when he heard his front door open. The door closed slowly and without a sound Kerry walked in with blood all over her hands. She sat down and Lincoln looked at her calmly as he finished his sandwich.

He waited. Ten minutes seemed like 10 hours but he waited.

"I'm in some trouble" Kerry hesitantly stated, as she sunk into her chair.

"Yea, what do you need?" While Lincoln had never faced this kind of trouble in his own family his best friend growing up was always in trouble, and he learned that you could get anything done in America for a price.

The World is at my fingertips.

That statment is so idealistic.

I am a cynic. As you know, and if you know me well, you would soon realize that my cynicism primarily comes from my father's side.

However, my intellect comes from my mother's side, so I am at least intellectually cynical, which in most cases is the only kind you can truly be. If you are inheriently cynical but only are cynical about silly things then you are just babbling like a spring brook and have no possibility of making a complete sentence.

Although, there are some silly cynics who drive there silly opinions around so often that there are track marks on the side of your face because you have heard the same thing over and over.

Now lets be real honest here. The only true cynics are the ones who have studied until they are lost in their own study. Those who are so passionate about their study that they get seemingly lost in thier passion and suddenley become cynical. Partly because they percieve others around them to be stupid and partly because they percieve themselves as great intellectual beings with so much to offer.

Until the day whence they meet someone greater, smarter, and alas more cynical then they and they whimper away like a beaten dog with their tail between their legs.

Suddenely the cynic has vanished and has become a simpleton.

And that was the end of the previously known cynic named....

'What was that? Of course I know all about how that came to be. That statement is so idealistic.'

"Never yeild to force; never yeild to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy."
Winston Churchill


"I have been driven many times to my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere to go. My own wisdom, and that of all about me, seemed insufficient for the day."-Abraham Lincoln.

Best poem ever

ode to a best friend:

alison higgins

wore a blue wiggins(actually she died her hair)

grandpa was mad

she didn't care

next came the tat

cool as can be

in microsoft word

font spelled "love recklessly"

"what else can i do?"

she pondered with glee

"best friend has red hair,

that'd look HOT on me!"

The eyebrow ring followed

"shot of jack maam?"

but ali was tough

said no thanks to cool parlor man

Now she's a writer a scholar,

a teacher,

some people are freaked

"A woman who's a preacher?!?"

Written by K.Shea-who is my best friend.